Herbeau, $12,182
Designed for a seventh-century French king, with useless functions like cup- and candleholders, music when the lid is raised, and a ringing bell when the chain is pulled. How about a magazine rack? (At Gracious Home, 1201 Third Ave., at 70th St.; 212-517-6300.)
TOTO, $5,200
This Japanese-made modern throne has a wall-mounted panel that controls a built-in bidet (with dryer), heated seat, and deodorizer. Best of all, it self-cleans— a stream of water scours the extra-slippery bowl. (At Gracious Home.)
Kohler, $2,890
The Purist Hatbox debuted during Fashion Week and sits pretty in Amy Sacco’s new restaurant, Bette. Easily mistaken for a trash can, with a hard-to-figure flush (the button is on the side). (At Davis & Warshow, 150 E. 58th St., nr. Lexington Ave.; 212-688-5990.)
Neo-Metro, $2,498
One of the few stainless-steel toilets produced for residential use, with mahogany (or bamboo, or cherrywood) accents that are both pretty and functional: They’re warmer than porcelain seats. (At Artistic Tile, 79 Fifth Ave., nr. 15th St.; 212-727-9331.)
Cheviot, $1,180
High tank supposedly makes for a faster, more efficient flush—although it means plumbing requires a stool, and leaks will go right on your head. Pull-chain handle is very Victorian. (At Simon’s Hardware & Bath, 421 Third Ave., nr. 29th St.; 212-532-9220.)
American Standard, $992
For classicists, this uncomplicated beauty is made out of vitreous china, with a plastic seat. Chrome-plated lever complements the simple, elegant design. (At Smolka Company; 231 E. 33rd St., nr. Third Ave.; 212-686-2300.)
Caroma, $800
Mod inside and out, with gently rounded edges, water-saving dual flush, easily removable lid, and a four-inch trap (most are two) to prevent blockages. (At Bond Bath & Home, 19 Bond St., at Lafayette St.; 212-777-7984.)
Eljer, $313
Your basic toilet, with one important design feature that makes it the best option for space-challenged New Yorkers: a triangular tank that fits snugly into corners. (At Home Depot, 40 W. 23rd St., nr. Fifth Ave.; 212-929-9571.)
Eclipse, $140
The cheapest toilet in New York City: no bells, whistles, or heated seats. Like the rest of the toilet, the seat is cold china. But hey, it flushes. (At Craft Hardware, 315 E. 62nd St., nr. First Ave.; 212-838-2214.)