7:30 A.M. Get up, papers, breakfast, shower, clothes, office. 12-3 P.M. Host Air American radio show. Guests: Bob Barr, Tom Oliphant , Pat Buchanan. Resist Urge to yell at Barr. Afternoon Repeat same talking points to right-wing radio host aafter right-wing radio host. Tell hilarious jokes, win over critics. Fat. 7 P.M. Head to convention floor as correspondent for Janeane Garofalo's show. Remember to ask delegates "What's the most right-wing thing you've ever done?" and "Ever had a homoerotic dream?" 10:15 P.M. The Great American Shout Out. As delegates around me yell "Yay Bush!" I'll shout, "Thanks for my huge tax-cut—I'm rich!" 10:17 P.M. Out of respect for affair, if not for Bush, listen to speech. Go home, take a shower. Prepare to debunk smears, half-truths, and outright lies on next day's show.       Published on September 2, 2004.