When it comes to cleaning one’s butt post-poop, toilet paper is never enough. But the Tushy, America’s marketed-to-ubiquity fixed-point gateway to bidet culture, simply cannot offer the level of precision, pressure, or control that the OG handheld bidet, a.k.a. the bum gun, can. Moreover, while even a basic-model Tushy will run you over $100 (or a Toto toilet well into the thousands), a high-quality bum gun like mine costs just $25.
I became personally acquainted with the bum gun back in 2012 while living in Thailand, where every toilet had one. I was a scared and sheltered American with that all-too-familiar feeling in my lower belly, squatting over a Thai-style toilet at an adorable cat-themed Chiang Mai coffee shop, noting just a moment too late the terrifying absence of toilet paper. There was no under-sink cabinet full of spare rolls, no dispenser of scratchy paper towels to be used in a pinch, not even an errant receipt crumpled in my pocket. Scanning the room in a panic, all I saw was a hose affixed to the wall beside me, and like a slow and ominous dawn, it became clear that here, in this tiled cell, the hose would be my only ally.
I don’t recommend discovering the power of the bum gun under duress, nor eschewing TP altogether (a drip-dry will only get you so far — more on that later), but I will say that this experience changed my life forever, catapulting me against my will into a different world, a better world. A world I now live in by choice and never wish to leave.
Using a bum gun is simple. After pooping, or really anytime you just want to feel fresh downtown (especially handy when you’re on your period or during the first week or so postpartum), you take the bum gun out of its little holster, point it at your desired target, and pull the trigger. The pressure is entirely adjustable — press lightly and just a gentle dribble comes out, press all the way down for an enema-level blast; somewhere in between is probably where you’ll want to reside, but that’s up to you and your butt.
Upon returning to the States in 2015 as a clean-booty convert, I couldn’t imagine life without bum guns, so I was overjoyed to find a Thai-style model on Amazon. It arrived with detailed instructions and took less than ten minutes to install (as you can see from this helpful YouTube tutorial, which comes in at just under five). Small and discreet, the brushed-chrome exterior of mine matches most standard bathroom fixtures; it conveniently attaches to the side of your toilet or wall and pulls clean water from the tank, never the bowl. You don’t need any prior plumbing knowledge to attach a bum gun to your toilet tank, and it’s also very easy to remove and reinstall. Mine has come with me to six different apartments across multiple states, and it still works perfectly. I even purchased a second one a couple years ago, when I was fortunate enough to acquire an apartment with two bathrooms.
The bum gun is great for cleaning other stuff too, be it cloth diapers, litter boxes, or even the toilet itself (no need to flush multiple times on skid-mark patrol). And for parents concerned with childproofing, there’s an easy shut-off valve under the toilet tank that cuts off water supply to the sprayer with one turn.
After cleansing — you can take as little or as much time as you please, though I’ll note a long-form sesh feels particularly soothing in the aftermath of a spicy meal — you return the gun to its holster and, ideally, dab with a bit of bamboo toilet paper to dry off. Read: far less toilet paper, and far gentler than your classic multi-round dry wipe, the idea of which honestly gives me chills now.
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