Bruce Willis Terrorizes Young (Male) Hollywood

“I just say, ‘Dude, what’s your name?’ and he says, ‘Uh, Cinjun.’ I say, ‘Cinjun, you’re in charge. If anything happens to one of my daughters, I’m coming to you first, and then I’m going to kill all your friends right in front of you, and you’ll be last.’� —Bruce Willis, on making sure his daughters’ male friends never sleep again [People]

“The sight of my face and the thought of my DNA growing in Katherine Heigl’s body — it shouldn’t happen. The universe negates itself if that happens. It’s kind of a crossing-the-streams thing.� —Knocked Up’s Seth Rogen, on the possibility of his impregnating a gorgeous woman [EW]

“Lebron [James] is truth on the basketball court, and we had a lot of fun making the song for him. He’s handling up right now in the playoffs, kinda like how I’m handling up on the mic and demolishing the tracks.� —Paul Wall, on recording a theme song for the Cavaliers small forward [AllHipHop]

“I’d love to torture [Kate Hudson]. But then again, sitting through one of her romantic comedies is its own form of torture. If I had to choose between watching Raising Helen or vomiting because of something I’d seen on the screen in Hostel: Part II, I’d pick the vomit every time.� —Hostel director and sick bastard Eli Roth [imdb]

“I did have a choice to go to a pay jail. But I declined because I feel like the media portrays me in a way that I’m not and that’s why I wanted to go to county, to show that I can do it and I’m going to be treated like everyone else. I’m going to do the time, I’m going to do it the right way.� —Paris Hilton, on why she’s keeping it real in county [CNN]