Shia LaBeouf’s Finger Saved by Quick-Thinking Publicist

Just as Hollywood was reeling from the news that Shia LaBeouf’s pinkie finger was going to be amputated — with agents tearfully phoning each other to commiserate and thousands of fans preparing to amputate their own fingers, Owen Meany style, in sympathy — comes joyful news: Shia LaBeouf’s finger has been saved! LaBeouf’s publicist, knowing full well that her client’s career and the future of Hollywood itself rests on the performance of 2011 blockbuster Mutt Williams and the Search for Elvis or Something, stepped into the fray and — with only her strong, measured words — put the world to rights. “Totally untrue,� Melissa Kates e-mailed the L.A. Times, and just like that, Shia’s finger — and our once-broken heart — was restored.

Relax, Shia LaBeouf fans. No amputation planned for his pinkie! [Dish Rag/LAT]