For some time now, we’ve called Entourage the one show we can’t stop watching–slash–can’t stop hating ourselves for watching. But knee-deep in season five, our pleasure centers only feebly buzzing and our guilt mounting, we no longer feel that we can in good faith continue to recap this show. Consider the evidence from last night’s episode alone.
Dom, thuggy old friend of the guys, pops back up, apropos of nothing but the show’s apparent need for a high-speed car chase, and once again provokes Vince’s sympathy and Eric’s suspicions. Then they drive him back to prison and everything returns to normal.
Vince convinces Drama to hire Turtle as his assistant — and we’re subject to their endless bickering as Drama Queen subjects his new employee to a long list of ridiculous demands involving custom-mixed breakfast cereals and thinly sliced bananas. Then Turtle quits and everything returns to normal.
Ari throws a game of golf with Alan Gray, hoping to trick him into betting big on the next round and giving up a part for the desperate Vince. Gray kicks Ari’s tight-trousered ass, launches into a mad tirade against him and Vince, and then, in some classic Entourage stunt action, has a heart attack and drops dead on a gorgeous green overlooking the Pacific. A sobered Ari calls the boys to let them know what happened and announces he’s going home to his family because life is short. Next week, we assume — and will only assume, not actually try to find out — everything will return to normal.