quote machine

Akon Exclusively to Blame for Your Earache

Martin Klimas’s Amaryllis IV (2007)

“I say ‘you’re welcome’ every time I hear [rappers singing].†—Akon takes credit for Kanye’s new album [MTV]

“He’s an idiot. He’s always going on about these brilliant songs he’s written. And I’m like, ‘Well let’s hear ‘em, then.’ If I were walking around all day and seven hours out of eight, was telling everybody what a great songwriter I’d become over the last three weeks, I’d want to play them to people. But, I dunno.†—Noel Gallagher on Liam [NYP]

“It was an obvious oversight on our part, and we apologize.†—Fox V.P. of Communications Dan Bell on an accidental locker-room shot of Minnesota Vikings tight end Visanthe Shiancoe’s penis on Sunday [St. Paul Pioneer Press via ProFootballTalk]

“He’s like my grandmother. He’s someone that provided an opportunity for me to take care of myself when I couldn’t take care of myself.†—50 Cent on Eminem [MTV]

“After a take he said, ‘That’s very good, but on the next take, get a handful of dirt, put that in your mouth, and eat it.’ I said, ‘Yeah, that’s a good idea. That’s very crazy.’ And I said, ‘Is there any kind of edible dirt that looks like dirt?’ He said, ‘No, Jeff. Just eat that dirt.’ I said, ‘Really? Isn’t that bad, with bugs and rocks and germs?’ He said, ‘Look, Jeff. Here.’ And he took up a pile of dirt and put it in his mouth and he ate it. I said, ‘My god, Paul. OK. Here we go.’ So I did it, too. We both had a very life-changing experience doing this movie.†—Jeff Goldblum on working with Paul Schrader on Adam Resurrected [NYP]

“Keanitude is the ratio of hot to mysterious that Mr. Reeves expresses in each film. The mystery being: ‘Is he dumb, or is he just fucking with us?’†—TV writer Lara Naaman on Keanu Reeves’s minimalism [NYP]

Akon Exclusively to Blame for Your Earache