Shoot ‘Em Up: Like clockwork, yet another bit of wacky musical news: Heathers, the 1988 mass-murder comedy, will be going the singing-and-dancing route under the direction of Return to Witch Mountain’s Andy Fickman. The project has been moving along incognito, with readings featuring Kristen Bell in the lead role having taken place this week. The plan is to go from a regional run to Broadway in 2010 and eventually to a big-screen adaptation. Bell will then be eligible for the coveted Best Actress in a Movie Based on a Musical Based on a Movie award. [HR]
Baruchel Making Moves: Jay Baruchel’s physical comedy “passion project†Johnny Klutz — featuring a character Baruchel created, a bumbling fool who can’t feel pain — is set to go with production unit Red House. Rob McKittrick, who was brought onboard to create the story of Klutz, will write the screenplay. We had no idea Baruchel had the kind of Hollywood juice needed to get his wacky ideas actually made, but we are sure glad to hear it. [HR]
Rourke Rolls On: Fresh off finally landing Iron Man 2, Mickey Rourke has signed on for indie drama Passion Plays. Mitch Glazer will write and direct; plot details have not yet been revealed, but a female lead is being sought. Apparently there’s some trouble finding actresses willing to be potentially name-checked in rambling, quasi-offensive award-show speeches eight months from now. [HR]
Not So Expendable: Charisma Carpenter and Stone Cold Steve Austin have joined Jason Statham and Rourke in Sylvester Stallone’s The Expendables. We’re looking forward to a DVD extra featuring Austin and Rourke discussing the merits of the Stone Cold Stunner versus the Ram Jam on set. [Variety]
Not So Lonely: Remember Lonelygirl15? The WB.com does — the website has picked up Blood Cell, an online horror series starring Jessica Rose, the actress who played LG. The plot is more or less like that movie Cellular: a young woman has to spring into action to stop a killer after receiving a phone call from a friend in danger. [HR]
Sad Minotaur: Steven Sherrill’s novel The Minotaur Takes a Cigarette Break — featuring the titular beast in modern times, working as a short-order cook in Wichita — has been optioned by Gotham Group. Former Variety writer Mike Jones penned the screenplay. Who? Mike Jones! Who?! Mike Jones!!! [Variety]