Maybe Just Flintstones Vitamins?: Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Rainn Wilson have joined the cast of indie dramedy Hesher. The plot revolves around a sad 13-year-old living with his grandmother and widowed, pill-popping father (Wilson), who is befriended by a slacker twentysomething (Levitt); previously cast Natalie Portman plays a supermarket worker whom the boy falls in love with after she saves him from a bully. Dwight Schrute popping pills?! So, so wrong. [HR]
Killer Bruce: Bruce Willis has three potential action-type projects in the pipeline: Inventory, where he would play a detective pursuing a murderer; Red, where he would play an ex-black-ops agent forced out of retirement by the threats of a high-tech assassin; and Scarpa, a mob biopic from Antoine Fuqua about FBI informant Greg Scarpa. Good to know that, at 54, Willis is still badass enough to kill people in Hollywood’s book. [HR]
Candy Houses Going Down: Tommy Wirkola, the co-writer and director of Dead Snow — a.k.a. the zombie Nazis movie — will serve up another slice of rudimentary genius: His next project will be Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters. Adam McKay and Will Ferrell will produce under their Gary Sanchez Productions title, with McKay helpfully explaining the concept: “[T]he idea is, they’ve grown up and they hunt witches.†Thanks, Adam! Still, rad. [HR]
Fisher to B’way: Carrie Fisher’s one-woman show Wishful Drinking — a look back at her earlier days in Hollywood — is coming to Broadway. The show premiered in 2006 and has played a series of regional nonprofits but will open at Studio 54 in the fall. We’re sure it’s great and everything, but unless it involves Fisher chocking choking the hell out of Jabba the Hutt with her own dancing-slave chain, we’re skipping it. [Variety]
Milton Cinema: Producer Martin Poll’s vision for a cinematic rendition of Milton’s Paradise Lost — which dates back to at least 1973, when Poll had screenwriter John Collier write an adaptation — may finally actually happen. The project has partial funding from STV Networks, a digital-distribution company specializing in Bollywood flicks — and unknown leads: David Dunham and Patricia Li Bryan are cast as Adam and Eve, although no director quite yet. You can do it, Marty! Don’t ever give up, buddy! [HR]
Tell Everyone: Miramax will remake French thriller Tell No One, the modest hit from last year about a doctor grieving for his dead wife who finds out she may not be dead. Congratulations, America — yet another critically acclaimed foreign movie you will no longer have to suffer through subtitles to enjoy. [Variety]