On the surface, Grown Ups, Adam Sandler’s new buddy comedy (co-starring Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Rob Schneider), has little in common with Sex and the City 2. One involves fart jokes and a Steve Buscemi cameo, the other features haute couture and an appearance by Liza Minnelli. But if you take a harder look at the two movies (which, because we are masochists, we did), it’s clear that they are basically the same film, only one has far better clothes: Both films involve old friends going on a trip, with high jinks ensuing and lessons learned. Stare long enough and eventually David Spade and Kim Cattrall will morph into one shaggy-haired, sex-crazed monster that will start popping up in your nightmares. Our thorough analysis, below.
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 SATC2 |
 Grown Ups |
Plot |
Four sexy ladies, led by Sarah Jessica Parker in a characterization that is feeling old, continue their exploits in life and love with a whirlwind vacation to the Middle East. |
Five wacky dudes, led by Adam Sandler in a characterization that is feeling old, reignite their family and love lives while on a whirlwind weekend vacation in New England. |
Destination |
A five-star hotel in Abu Dhabi, where the women indulge their taste for luxury with butlers, massages, and exotic-flavored cosmos. |
A family owned lake house, where the guys get in touch with their inner children (and real children), by playing basketball, boating, and drinking beer. |
Target Audience |
Girls, women, and gay men of all ages. |
Boys, men, and dopes of all ages. |
Hot Nanny |
Charlotte’s (Kristin Davis) hot nanny doesn’t wear a bra, and Charlotte worries she’ll seduce Harry (she doesn’t). |
Adam Sandler’s hot Asian nanny/servant is so enticing that he pretends she’s an exchange student so the other guys won’t hit on her (they do anyway). |
Sleazeball |
Blonde, Botoxed Samantha (Kim Cattrall), who hits on everything with a penis. |
Blond, scraggly Marcus (David Spade), who hits on everything with breasts. |
Loud Sex |
Samantha does it once with a construction worker, and once (outside!) with an international architect, both times screaming at the top of her lungs. |
Rob Schneider does it multiple times with his much, much older wife, who continually screams at the top of her aged lungs. |
Jokes About Aging |
The running gag is Samantha’s taking an abundance of hormones to ward off menopause. Come to think of it, every joke is at Samantha’s expense. |
The men continually riff about how they’re all old and fat and slow. And they sort of are. |
Lessons Learned |
Appreciate your husband; appreciate your children; appreciate your friends; don’t have sex in public places in the Middle East. |
Appreciate your wife; appreciate your children; appreciate your friends; if Adam Sandler comes near you with a bow and arrow, run far, far away. |
Conclusion |
What happened to the Sex and the City we knew and loved? The bad idea of having the gang travel to the Middle East suffered from an even worse execution. The ladies should either retire, or get new writers, stat. |
What happened to the Adam Sandler we knew and loved? The jokes were phoned in, one-note, and not even a cameo from Norm MacDonald could save the day. The comedians should either retire, or start writing funny jokes again, stat. |
