So, six weeks in, we find ourselves in the midst of the first real developing stupid story of the summer. Two weeks ago, Mel Gibson and his deranged, racist, potty mouth debuted on this list at No. 4. Last week he dropped to No. 5, despite the release of his first single, “I Am a Maniac With a Breathing Disorder, Part 1.†Then this week, the whole thing started to snowball. It was a group effort. First, there was the release of “I Am a Maniac With a Breathing Disorder, Parts 2–5,†a.k.a. The Lost Jacuzzi Tracks, which, are awful, crazy, terrible, and not that soul crushing to listen to! (Credit goes to Mel’s baby mama Oksana for this, as her unruffled calm on the audio stops the tapes from tipping over into being just a sad commentary on lost humanity, and keeps them squarely in the category known as, “rantings of a crazy guy who failed to learn the best way to be loved, appreciated, and receive blowjobs, is not to threaten violence while screaming about how much you deserve to be loved, appreciated and receive blow jobs.â€)
1. As previously stated, we prefer stupidity conceived in silliness, not hatefulness. The Vengaboys “Rocket to Uranus†holds on at No. 1 as a declaration of this principle, but just barely.
1. As previously stated, we prefer stupidity conceived in silliness, not hatefulness. The Vengaboys “Rocket to Uranus†holds on at No. 1 as a declaration of this principle, but just barely.
5. Lindsay Lohan’s cursing nails. Still dumb.
8. Showgirls 2 trailer.
10. Since last week, we decided the Liars Club comprised of Chris “No, I really just have something in my eye†Brown and Jeremy “I ate 300 Blue Fin Tuna in one sitting†Piven, previously to be found at spot six, should be aggressively downgraded, because, well, more than being stupid, they are liars. Sure, they are liars who tell stupid lies, but they are people characterized more by their liar qualities than their stupid qualities, and this is not a list of Vulture’s Biggest Lies of Summer. Mostly, we just don’t want to have to think about either of them anymore.
5. Lindsay Lohan’s cursing nails. Still dumb.
But, secondly, and more relevant to Mel’s total domination of all that was stupid this week, is the effluvia inspired by Mel’s stupidity. Some of it, like the source itself, was stupid (Whoopi; the phrase “trial by mediaâ€); some of it was not (a remix, another remix, the mash-up, the trailer, the pranks, Ray Bradbury). Taken together, it all amounts to the first stupid story of summer that is truly inescapable and that comes with a heartwarming lesson: Stupidity is not just something we can all do, not just something we can all enjoy, not even just something we can all enjoy making fun of — stupidity is also something we can deflate, defang, correct for. Stupidity, guys, is something we can, in little ways, fix! Together we can take the lemons of stupidity and make some pretty delicious stupid-ade! In your face, Mel! We’re all drinking yummy stupid-ade! Needless to say, this week’s rankings reflect the Mel of it all. Also reflected herein: Spencer Pratt dressing up as a hobo.
8. Showgirls 2 trailer.
9. Kyrah and Ke$ha’s lyric, “My steez is gonna be affected if I keep it up like a lovesick crackhead.â€
10. Since last week, we decided the Liars Club comprised of Chris “No, I really just have something in my eye†Brown and Jeremy “I ate 300 Blue Fin Tuna in one sitting†Piven, previously to be found at spot six, should be aggressively downgraded, because, well, more than being stupid, they are liars. Sure, they are liars who tell stupid lies, but they are people characterized more by their liar qualities than their stupid qualities, and this is not a list of Vulture’s Biggest Lies of Summer. Mostly, we just don’t want to have to think about either of them anymore.
10.5 Marmaduke.
Stupid things of summer no longer quite stupid enough to remain on this list:
• Meet the Spartans spoof.
• The Last Airbender.
• Parents who hear a toy say the word “pussy†and don’t think of a cat.
• Coolio’s misspelled “jugalo†tattoo.
• Eminem’s lyric: “Now you get to watch her leave out the window/Guess that’s why they call it window pane.
• Shirtless werewolves.
• Jonah Hex.
• Les Grossman.
• Half-Pint Brawlers.
Next week, be here, hopefully with less Mel.