Remembering the Lesser-Known Characters From Late Night with Conan Oā€™Brien

Since it debuted in November, Conan Oā€™Brienā€™s TBS show has been gradually loosening up and itā€™s starting to feel like the old Late Night show. Personally, I couldnā€™t be happier. But as Iā€™ve noticed this transformation happening, Iā€™ve found myself pining for some of the classic, random characters that helped define Late Night.

When Conan made the switch to the Tonight Show, everyone wondered if heā€™d use any of his old characters or bits from Late Night. Similarly, after the separation from NBC, everyone asked the same question, secretly hoping that somehow old friends like the Masturbating Bear would make the transition with him to TBS. I donā€™t know where things are legally in terms of Conanā€™s contract, but heā€™s gone on record saying that heā€™s not going to use any of the old material. On the one hand, this has been a good way to move forward and thereā€™s been great stuff to come out of it ā€” Will Forteā€™s Ted Turner, for example. But sometimes you just want to see the Pimpbot 5000.

If you search around the Internet for lists of Conanā€™s best characters from his old Late Night show, youā€™ll find a few. But most of them are full of old, reliable stalwarts like Triumph, Preperation H Raymond, and the FedEx Pope. I figured I might as well curate a list of some of the lesser-know characters. Late Night with Conan Oā€™Brien was on for 16 years (which is crazy) and there have been tons of characters that, while equally hilarious, never stuck around like your Masturbating Bears or your Coked-Up Werewolfs. And here are a few of them:

Mick Ferguson, the Bullet-proof Legs Guy

Brian McCann has been with Conan pretty much from the beginning and has done some amazing characters over the years. But this has to be one of my absolute favorites.

The Guy Whoā€™s Protected From 3-Inch Bees

Anytime Max is involved, you know youā€™re in store for something good. This is definitely one of the wackiest things Iā€™ve ever seen on this showā€¦ and thatā€™s saying something. Plus, you gotta love that song.

Shoeverine

Brought to life by Andrew Weinberg, who was more of a writer than a performer, Shoeverine seemed to really resonate with the audience. No doubt due to Weinbergā€™s uncanny resemblance to Hugh Jackman.

Tomari the Ostrich

A super-early regular character powered by the incredible crazy of Dino Stamatopoulos. I definitely have hazy memories from when I was too young to be up at 1am of a giant bird laying eggs on Conanā€™s desk. But thank God for YouTube, where Tomariā€™s hilarious shrieks and ostrich gibberish live on! My favorite moment from this clip is around the one minute mark.

Quackers the Shit Eating Duck

What is it with bird characters being so funny? Quackers was something special. I canā€™t find the original clips online, but this one is from a show that re-capped everything. But I remember watching it happen live and it was one of the dumbest, most amazing moments Iā€™ve ever seen on Late Night.

Lumbar Lew

Back giving you some troubles? Sounds like you need a visit from this early Conan character whoā€™s totally in competition with the 3-Inch Bees Guy for the best song.

Zell Miller

This technically isnā€™t a character, but good god is it funny. For the brief time that Zell Miller was on the national stage, Robert Smigel would absolutely kill it in the Clutch Cargo bits. This one in particular literally had me tearing up it was so funny.

Wrist Hulk

Jon Glaser is awesome in this and really sells it after he mutates into Wrist Hulk. After watching this and the old Tomari bits, I really would like to see Conan start using the upcoming guests more as an opportunity for new characters.

ā€œKimā€ The Impressionist In the Witness Protection Program

Another great character from Jon Glaser and clearly the inspiration for his show Delocated. That Kate Hepburn impression is spot on!

Traveling Salesman

Brian Stack, the other hilarious Brian, has also contributed some amazing characters over the years. Artie Kendal the Ghost Crooner, Frankenstien, and The Interrupter just to name a few. But I always wanted to see more of his Traveling Salesman characterā€¦ his old-timey patter is unparalleled.

Worldā€™s Oldest Stuntman

This is Brian McCann at his best. Such a simple joke, but done to perfection.

Shrieking Raccoon with a Jet Pack

No surprises hereā€¦ this character delivers exactly whatā€™s promised.

Cactus Chef Playing ā€œWe Didnā€™t Start the Fireā€ on the Flute

For some reason, thereā€™s no video of this anywhere (damn you, Billy Joel). But to me, itā€™s the essence of what makes a good Conan character and one of my all-time favorites.

Ben Worcester was an intern for Late Night with Conan Oā€™Brien a long time ago and has the swag to prove it.