It’s Always Sunny Recap: ‘Sweet Dee Gets Audited’

“Hey guys, why are all the urinals filled with rocks?” Are there any sweeter words with which to start an episode of a television show? I highly doubt it. Urinal fillers aside (they ran out of ice, Charlie explains), last night’s episode of It’s Always Sunny struck a nice balance between meta and realistic, in addition to being dark. Baby funeral dark. Having finally gotten paid for her surrogate services last year, Dee went buck wild and bought herself a baby blue Vespa. Equally as foolish, Dee decided to claim the baby as a dependent on her tax return. “You guys all better eat a dick, because Sweet Dee beat the system,” she crows from under her gigantic helmet. Enter the IRS.

While Dee realizes early on that the government is not as easily scammed as she had thought (“Your license plate says $CAMMIN,” notes the IRS agent while Dee awkwardly rides her bike up and down the hallways), Mac, Dennis and Charlie form Paddy’s Congress to prevent anyone being scammed when it comes to bar business, and to prevent anyone from flying off the handle during a heated discussion. “We know we’re emotional people,” Dennis admits. “Reason will prevail,” they declare, before Frank hits them a barrage of different topics, such as:

The Dead Dog Debacle: Mac and Charlie attempt to rationally and calmly explain why the moldering dog corpse currently residing in the alley (“That dog is turning to hot soup out there in the sun,” Mac notes) should be disposed of in a dignified manner. “Sometimes dogs die. Right. Dogs die from cars sometimes,” they say together. “Sometimes not. There’s also disease. There’s also disease in America and abroad. Many dogs.” Eventually Charlie screams, “I wanna dog funeral” and the topic is tabled.

Limes: Thick or Thin: Stuck in a 2-2 stalemate when it comes to lime slice thickness (“A perfect example of when democracy has failed,” Dennis rants), things soon become heated. Mac and Charlie visit Dee, who is frantically constructing a crib before the IRS agent stops by at 3:00pm and nails her to the wall. In exchange for their promise to get her a baby, Dee unites them as one entity: the Pickle Party.

How Much Blood Could A Crucifix Bleed If A Crucifix Could Bleed Blood? Back at the bar, Mac and Charlie present a unified, briny front on the pickle/lime debate. “If you’re not educated or informed, then you start your own party and you yell the loudest,” Charlie explains. Pickles will prevail! Unfortunately, unbeknownst to them Dennis gets in on Frank’s shady side operations (a refreshing Wolf Cola, anyone?), in exchange for distracting Mac and Charlie from their pay cuts/terrible ideas., Dennis introduces the subject of mounting a huge crucifix in the bar. “I don’t want a bloody man in the bar, scaring the customers and most of all me!,” Charlie howls, and he and Mac are at each other’s throats one again.

Arriving just in time for her appointment with the IRS, the boys deliver the baby to Dee, who opens the lil’ blanket to find…two slightly different crucifixes and a tape recorder of an infant crying. Realizing how boned she is, Dee grabs the baby and the three sprint back down the Paddy’s, where Dennis is trying to explain to Frank why he wants in on his shady dealings. “With real power comes real responsibility, and I don’t want any of that shit,” he says, later explaining “I have this giant gaping hole inside me, and I’m always trying to fill it. I like to call it my God Hole,” says Dennis. Unfortunately, it seems like Frank’s suggestion that Dennis “fill it with pussy” hasn’t been working out too well. Luckily, from within the howling maw that is Dennis’s soul comes the perfect suggestion for how to get Dee out of her particular jam: time for a faux baby funeral, y’all!

Barnabus Reynolds, we hardly knew ye, before you were featured in a fake baby funeral, which quickly turned into a Wolf Cola commercial. “Wolf Cola: the right cola for closure,” Dennis shills. “This is dark,” Frank says, impressed. Kaitlin Olson, again, steals the show with a eulogy for her dead fake son, delivered with her eyes bleeding, irritated by the chili power Dennis blows in her face to make her cry realistically. Finally realizing that the lime and crucifix dilemmas were just a means to distract them from Frank’s mistreatment of them, Mac and Charlie decide to get their revenge. In front of the (already horrified) IRS agent, they march through the faux funeral, tip over the coffin and dump out…the dead dog carcass from the beginning of the episode. “We’re all going down,” Dee reassures them after Frank realizes the IRS will undoubtedly head to Paddy’s next. Here’s hoping we can look forward to Dee flailing around in a women’s prison in the next few months.