The 26 Differences Between 30 Rock’s East Coast and West Coast Live Episodes

Last time 30 Rock did a live episode, there were plenty of jokes that were changed or tweaked in between the two East Coast and West Coast tapings. This year, with a plot that allowed for tons of Saturday Night Live–inspired sketch comedy, there were even more differences. Lucky for you, Vulture caught both airings, and we were sure to jot down all the new jokes and brand-new guest stars. (See Paul McCartney up above? The West Coast never did!) Here, then, are all 26 changes that we noticed between the two versions, from Dr. Spaceman’s revised commercials to the two same-sex make-outs that only aired on one coast.

East Coast: In the first flashback starring Amy Poehler as Teen Liz, she cries, “Best prom night ever!�
West Coast: Poehler sort of stumbles through her cue thanks to overzealous applause and announces, “Best sweet sixteen ever!�

East Coast: Kenneth lets Sir Paul McCartney use Jack’s bathroom.
West Coast: Kenneth lets “Kabletown co-worker� Kim Kardashian use Jack’s bathroom.

East Coast: Jane Krakowski sings the 30 Rock theme song and promises “special nudity,� adding at the end “Liberals want to destroy America.�
West Coast: Cheyenne Jackson sings the 30 Rock theme song, and to prove that it’s live, “I’ll sing / the latest news from / the NFL draft … the Niners drafted wide receiver A.J Jenkins.�

East Coast: Tina Fey totally biffs the line, “Hazel or Jenna will know we’re missing,� saying “Hannah� instead of “Hazel.�
West Coast: She aces it.

East Coast: Tina Fey’s last line in the Honeymooners spoof is, “My makeup lady is my lover.�
West Coast: Now she says, “I got syphilis from Orson Welles!�

East Coast: In the first faux commercial, Chris Parnell chirps, “Hello! I’m ‘Nazi doctor’ Heinrich Spaceman. I mean, ‘doctor’! We can edit that out, right?�
West Coast: Now he says, “Hello! I’m Dr. Harold Spaceman. I’m known in the industry as ‘the gay doctor,’ because I always have a smile on my face, because I have so many homosexual lovers.�

East Coast: Adds Spaceman, “Nine out of ten doctors said, ‘Who is this? Why are you calling so late?’ But the tenth one was into it.�
West Coast: Now it’s “nine out of ten doctors surveyed said, ‘You’ve got a lot of nerve calling here, Spaceman, after what you tried on my nephew.’�

East Coast: The Chattertons tagline: “Chattertons, official cigarette of the U.S. Olympic team.�
West Coast: The Chattertons tagline: “Chattertons, official cigarette of the American Heart Association.�

East Coast: After Lutz throws up, he explains, “I had veal with cheese on it!�
West Coast: After Lutz throws up, he explains, “I had a lobster roll and two yogurts!�

East Coast: In Baldwin’s Dean Martin spoof, he says, “We’ve got a great show for you tonight — at least that’s what the Jews I pay tell me.
West Coast: Now it’s, “We’ve got a great show for you tonight, and even if we don’t, there’s only two others channels, so who cares?

East Coast: After the first appearance of Jon Hamm, when the show returns to Tracy’s dressing room, Sue Galloway (the blonde writer) is still laughing hysterically.
West Coast: She basically keeps it together.

East Coast: After the second appearance of Jon Hamm, when the show returns to Tracy’s dressing room, Galloway is still laughing!
West Coast: She keeps it together.

East Coast: Chris Parnell appears in the second faux commercial and says, “Hello, I’m Nazi doctor Leo Spaceman,� adding to an offscreen producer, “I know it’s live, I want people to know!�
West Coast: “Hello, I’m test tube adult Leo Spaceman.�

East Coast: Says Spaceman, “If you are currently suffering from Chatterton Syndrome, please use your birdlike claws to dial the number below.�
West Coast: “If you are currently suffering from Chatterton Syndrome, clap your feet until your service monkey dials the number below.�

East Coast: And then Spaceman sings, “If you have scales / instead of skin / pick up the phone / sue Chattertons.�
West Coast: The song has been amended to go, “If your mother smoked / Chattertons / your sexual organs are covered in bone.�

East Coast: At the top of the Laugh-In spoof, Scott Adsit jokes, “What do you get when you cross a chicken with a hippie? I don’t know, but LBJ likes ‘em both fried.�
West Coast: Now it’s, “What do you get when you cross a lady driver with a Viet Cong? A hundred thousand senseless deaths.�

East Coast: The repeated catchphrase of the Laugh-In spoof is “Lay it on me�
West Coast: The repeated catchphrase of the Laugh-In spoof is “Do it to it�

East Coast: Alec Baldwin appears in the Laugh-In sketch as Richard Nixon.
West Coast: Alec Baldwin appears in the Laugh-In sketch as a super-foppy Paul Lynde.

East Coast: Jon Hamm joins Alec Baldwin for the “NBC News Special Report.�
West Coast: Brian Williams joins Alec Baldwin for the “NBC News Special Report.�

East Coast: When Hazel tells Jenna that she’ll propose to her, she’s wearing a pink blouse.
West Coast: When Hazel tells Jenna that she’ll propose to her, she’s wearing her normal page’s uniform. Random!

East Coast: After Tracy says, “Live television changed my life� and everyone gasps, Liz says, “Come on, it wasn’t that dramatic.�
West Coast: Liz’s line is cut, either for time or because it got no laughs on the East Coast.

East Coast: Jimmy Fallon (as young Jack) tells Amy Poehler (as young Liz), “I can tell by your voice that you’re a very ungainly teenage girl from Southeastern Pennsylvania.� She replies, “Ha-ha, ya burnt. How ya like me now?�
West Coast: Those lines are gone, but now when Fallon as Jack says, “No one jokes down General Electric,� Poehler as Liz responds, “Yeah, except your mom last night.�

East Coast: After the Jenna-Paul proposal, Paul McCartney comes back out and says to Liz, “I slipped and hit my head in the bathroom. Who am I?� She replies, “You’re my boyfriend. We were just going to call some people I went to high school with.�
West Coast: After the Jenna-Paul proposal, Liz says, “Wow, 2.5 million people just saw that.� Kim Kardashian appears, taping and uploading the scene to her Twitter followers, and says, “Uh, now 14 million people just saw it. You’re welcome. Oh, and also, I broke your toilet.�

East Coast: As Liz walks away with Paul McCartney, Alec Baldwin and Scott Adsit make out in a passionate clinch.
West Coast: No kiss! Everyone just stands around awkwardly.

East Coast: Jane Krakowski and Kristen Schaal “lez out� with a faux kiss of their own during the closing credits.
West Coast: That doesn’t happen, but Alec Baldwin does hold up a sign that says he “hearts� Spain and Italy.

East Coast: Shouts Fey during the closing credits, “This happened again! How’d that happen?�
West Coast: “SNL crew, I love you! 30 Rock crew, I love you!�