Ke$ha gets a bad rap. Sure, she likes a drink at the end of the day, and maybe her clothes are a little frayed. She puts her face on condoms and sleeps with ghosts and makes bras out of teeth. The Teen Mom crowd has anointed her as an unofficial Spirit Guide. But Ke$ha is actually a gifted songwriter, and what’s more, she is maturing as a person. If you listen (very, very) closely, her new album Warrior is filled with responsible choices and early-twenties life advice, conveniently listed for you below. Parents, it is time to reconsider Ke$ha.
Better pack a toothbrush / gonna pull an all nighter. (“C’monâ€) Not too long ago, Ke$ha was brushing her teeth with whiskey. Now she is actually planning her dental hygiene routine in advance. Four out of five dentists agree: This is an improvement.
Don’t want your money / I got my own (“Dirty Loveâ€) Ke$ha is a strong, independent woman who can provide for herself. It says so right there in the song.
Fight for the fuck ups / stand up for true love / we’ll never give up (“Warriorâ€) And Ke$ha has not one but two causes. It is important that kids learn to stick up for what they believe in.
We didn’t sleep at all / played records all night long / that that that night, I kinda fell in love (“Wherever You Areâ€) You know what Ke$ha is usually up to when she stays up all night long? Booze and other stuff, that’s what. Now she’s like any other college kid in America, tormenting their neighbors with a 4 a.m. Pavement singalong in the name of true love.
You’re all I wanna do / I only wanna dance with you (“Only Wanna Dance With Youâ€) Look, a committed relationship!
Now you’ve got a girl / someone new / and I can’t pretend to just be cool / I can’t be your friend / So this is the end†(“Last Goodbyeâ€) This is just honest breakup advice. Non-teens and twentysomethings, you could probably stand to think this one over, too.Â
Shadows of a past life / wish I could rewind / back to Wonderland (“Wonderlandâ€) This song is actually kind of sad; it also proves that Ke$ha isn’t living the hardy party life she once did. All wild children have to grow up, etc.
I’ve got this question / been burning through my head / can’t we all get over ourselves and just stop talking shit? (“Love Into the Lightâ€) Ke$ha as Positive Thinker and Anti-Mean Girl. No bullies allowed. Â
Drinking wine (“Only Wanna Dance With Youâ€) … “on the cement. Outside 7-11.†Okay, it is not the most responsible location. But wine is a fancy grownup drink.
Got work to do / but that can wait (“All That Mattersâ€) Employment!
Pull over sucker / now spread ‘em / let me see what you’re packing inside that denim (“Gold Trans Amâ€) Well, she could not pull over. If they’re gonna have road sex, make it safe road sex. (An excerpt from Ke$ha’s forthcoming advice book, Birds Bees and Glitter: An Extremely Awkward Conversation With Your Children.)