Fug Girls: Farewell to Fashion Week
This Fashion Week was bookended by snowstorms, and the weather was an unavoidable topic of conversation: how cold it was; how much it was going to snow (or not); how it was possible that any of the celebs in the front row could even deal with wearing open-toed shoes from the venue to the car. But if this endless winter was a trending topic, it wasn’t the only one — or even the most interesting. There were sleepers, scalpers, scary socks, and slimeballs, plus our obligatory brush with death. But we survived to snark another day, so please join us as we talk through the best, the worst, and the weirdest of fall 2014 Fashion Week.
Coziest Trend Maybe our necks were just cold the entire time, but we couldn't help noticing a surfeit of turtlenecks on the runways this go-round...
Coziest Trend Maybe our necks were just cold the entire time, but we couldn't help noticing a surfeit of turtlenecks on the runways this go-round. Everyone from Jason Wu at Hugo Boss to the folks at Calvin Klein and Proenza Schouler seemed to realize that sometimes a lady wants to give her nape a break. Warmer than a neck-lift, and cheaper too.
Best Mind-Meld We saw so many different booties on the runway that it was hard to pick only three as examples. It will be even harder on our wall...
Best Mind-Meld We saw so many different booties on the runway that it was hard to pick only three as examples. It will be even harder on our wallets when we get home and decide we can’t live without six new pairs of them.
Scariest Trend We don’t have anything against socks; in fact, our big fluffy ones were extra helpful this chilly season. But we’re not wild abou...
Scariest Trend We don’t have anything against socks; in fact, our big fluffy ones were extra helpful this chilly season. But we’re not wild about jamming them under open-toed and/or summery shoes. Some may think it adds a youthful flair, but when we look at it, we see a crazy old lady shuffling off to evening bingo. Which will be great when we are that crazy old lady, but please don’t rush us there, designers. We have at least two more years.
Most Valuable Accessory For most of us, it was our gigantic purses, the better to smuggle SmartWater out of the venue. For Katie Cassidy, it was ...
Most Valuable Accessory For most of us, it was our gigantic purses, the better to smuggle SmartWater out of the venue. For Katie Cassidy, it was her bra; without it, this award would’ve had to go to her nipples.
Best Front Row Thanks in no small part to Jason Wu’s presence as Hugo Boss’s artistic director of women’s wear, the Boss Women show had the starr...
Best Front Row Thanks in no small part to Jason Wu’s presence as Hugo Boss’s artistic director of women’s wear, the Boss Women show had the starriest front row we’ve seen in person in a long time. There was something for everyone: Reese Witherspoon and Gwyneth Paltrow, the more classic dressers; Diane Kruger, the risk-taker; Gerard Butler, the rumpled mass of manhood, and the slicker Benedict Cumberbatch; Scott Eastwood, the almost absurdly good-looking model/actor; and the newbie, Adèle Exarchopoulos, who just broke through in Blue Is The Warmest Colour (and who eagerly took a selfie with GOOP). We could’ve stared at them all day, but that’s a pretty quick way to get arrested.
Most Omnipresent By our count, Anna Kendrick took in 11 shows this week. It actually felt like more to us — and probably to her, because whi...
Most Omnipresent By our count, Anna Kendrick took in 11 shows this week. It actually felt like more to us — and probably to her, because while 11 pales compared to an editor’s schedule, it’s a lot for a celeb who has complete costume changes for each. Kendrick told us that once she figured out she had a big chunk of time off, she came to Fashion Week with the intention of going to as many shows as possible: “From now on, I can make an informed decision about how much I want to participate in the future,” she said with a laugh. So if she only comes back twice next season, we should all take it personally.
Celebrity We're Sad We Missed Altogether Schedules didn’t permit us to attend the Kenneth Cole show, so we missed the blaze of glory that is Jon ...
Celebrity We're Sad We Missed Altogether Schedules didn’t permit us to attend the Kenneth Cole show, so we missed the blaze of glory that is Jon Bon Jovi. We just hope he comes back again. Never say good-bye, Jon. We’ll be there for you. Next season, we’ll make it, we swear. Ohhhh, we’re living on that prayer. (Sorry. We’re tired!)
Photo: Eugene Gologursky/2014 Getty Images
Person That We're Sad We Just Literally Didn't See Turns out Tina Fey was at Carolina Herrera, and somehow she eluded our radars. Sure, we ...
Person That We're Sad We Just Literally Didn't See Turns out Tina Fey was at Carolina Herrera, and somehow she eluded our radars. Sure, we would have been way too chicken to actually speak to her (and risk being those fools who blanked and then asked her why she was wearing Dustin Hoffman’s glasses from Tootsie), but we would have liked to just stand near her and eavesdrop and let her awesomeness wash over us.
Photo: Larry Busacca/2014 Getty Images
Worst Show Obviously, we don’t expect the highest of high fashion from the Heart Truth Red Dress show; it’s just an evening for a good cause that...
Worst Show Obviously, we don’t expect the highest of high fashion from the Heart Truth Red Dress show; it’s just an evening for a good cause that’s supposed to be a parade of pretty things. But we do wish it had been a nicer parade of prettier things, to offset the inherent cheese factor of C-list celebrity models raising the roof and, in some cases, jamming to their own songs. Marchesa, for instance, should be able to churn out a romantic red dress in its sleep; instead, it put us to sleep.
Show At Which We Most Feared For Our Lives Alice + Olivia was mounted in the faux hotel where they stage Sleep No More, so it was atmospherically...
Show At Which We Most Feared For Our Lives Alice + Olivia was mounted in the faux hotel where they stage Sleep No More, so it was atmospherically creepy to begin with. But the place was also packed — we overheard at least two PR girls freaking out about being over-capacity, and they had to set up the celebrity step-and-repeat outside in the cold — and had few visible exits. It was likewise really dark, which isn't an ideal way to view the clothes, to say the least. One page of our notes reads, "It's entirely possible I will knock over this tree," and "small children might die," which pretty much tells you all you need to know. Photo: Astrid Stawiarz/2014 Getty Images
Worst Outfit At Diane Von Furstenberg, actress Bella Thorne — second to Kendrick in terms of hitting the circuit hard — showed up in a ...
Worst Outfit At Diane Von Furstenberg, actress Bella Thorne — second to Kendrick in terms of hitting the circuit hard — showed up in a brown-suede-wrap-Bermuda-shorts romper, like a stablehand at a summer rodeo. We’re sneezing from sawdust allergies just looking at it.
Photo: Bryan Bedder/2014 Getty Images
Best Fluffer At Pamella Roland, Zendaya didn’t pose for pictures until her plus ne — a big guy who could’ve been anyone from her brother to ...
Best Fluffer At Pamella Roland, Zendaya didn’t pose for pictures until her plus ne — a big guy who could’ve been anyone from her brother to her stylist to her best friend, or all three — had smoothed, straightened, and styled the large stand-up collar on her dress. At DKNY, we couldn’t interview her until he’d similarly art-directed her outfit: He smoothed it, he straightened it, he followed her instructions for how she wanted her hair to lie, he made sure it didn’t swing into her sunglasses. As stressy as that all sounds, there is something nice about a celebrity who cares that much about not having a hair out of place.
Photo: Larry Busacca/2014 Getty Images
Person Most Confused About Whether This Was Still The Super Bowl: As we walked to the check-in for Anna Sui, a dude sidled up to us and mut...
Person Most Confused About Whether This Was Still The Super Bowl: As we walked to the check-in for Anna Sui, a dude sidled up to us and muttered, "Extra tickets?" We politely excused ourselves, but we have so many questions: Who walks around with random, extra fashion show invitations? Who would hand over their random, extra fashion show invitations to some random dude? To whom would this random dude unload said random invites, and where, and for how much? In his defense, Anna Sui was the only show we attended in the tents that still accepted an old-fashioned paper invitation, rather than a scannable bar code; for unloading a bunch of seats to strangers, it probably was the best bet. Maybe this was a sting operation.
Photo: Bryan Bedder/2014 Getty Images
Person Who Should Have Just Gone Home There was a woman, also at Anna Sui, who was asleep. In the front row. While everyone was milling around he...
Person Who Should Have Just Gone Home There was a woman, also at Anna Sui, who was asleep. In the front row. While everyone was milling around her loudly looking for seats and posing for blinding flashes. Fashion Week is a long slog, but pull yourself together, woman.
Photo: Andrew H. Walker/2014 Getty Images
Best-Looking In Person We weren’t sure what to expect from Rita Ora, because in photographs over the last year or two, her outfits usually ...
Best-Looking In Person We weren’t sure what to expect from Rita Ora, because in photographs over the last year or two, her outfits usually obscure everything else. Seeing her in person, though, we were struck by how genuinely lovely she is — great skin, lively personality, easy smile, all things that don’t always shine through when you’re wearing a big pile of crazy. Hopefully Donna Karan will be a good influence there, too.
Most Opportunistic (Individual) Dina Lohan didn’t just go to the Nicole Miller show. She arrived at the Nicole Miller show. She struck a po...
Most Opportunistic (Individual) Dina Lohan didn’t just go to the Nicole Miller show. She arrived at the Nicole Miller show. She struck a pose and spun and stuck out her hips and flipped her hair, stopping only when daugher Ali came down for photos and decided she should do some on her own. We never heard her or anyone else say Lindsay’s name, though, so perhaps the greatest opportunity of all — the chance to get that kid a job, somewhere, anywhere — was squandered.
Photo: Larry Busacca/2014 Getty Images
Most Opportunistic (Corporate) There were so many Disney girls in the front rows this week: Zendaya, Debby Ryan, Peyton List, and the ubiqu...
Most Opportunistic (Corporate) There were so many Disney girls in the front rows this week: Zendaya, Debby Ryan, Peyton List, and the ubiquitous Bella Thorne. We have to think that someone over at the Mouse decided that Fashion Week was the way to push them to the next level in public consciousness, but the truth is that the journalists in the press scrum were mostly underwhelmed. Better bring it in September, ladies. Maybe wear some mouse ears.
Most Random Front-Row Guest When you think Badgley Mischka, do you think Tracy Morgan? Neither do we. Neither does he, we’ll wager, as he spent t...
Most Random Front-Row Guest When you think Badgley Mischka, do you think Tracy Morgan? Neither do we. Neither does he, we’ll wager, as he spent the whole pre-show pointing at his fiancée and trying not to speak to anyone. Photo: Stephen Lovekin/2014 Getty Images
Strangest Hustle Speaking of Badgley Mischka, film director Rob Minkoff (The Lion King; the upcoming Mr. Peabody & Sherman) was in atte...
Strangest Hustle Speaking of Badgley Mischka, film director Rob Minkoff (The Lion King; the upcoming Mr. Peabody & Sherman) was in attendance — which we know because when he plopped down next to a befuddled Tracy Morgan and started talking to him, a woman in a humongous fur coat started telling all and sundry exactly who he was and what his credits were — in rapid, rat-a-tat-tat succession and often abandoning it midstream when it was clear the person wasn’t going to jump on the interview opportunity. Nothing personal, Rob, we promise. Hakuna matata.
Photo: Jenny Anderson/2014 Jenny Anderson
Worst Eavesdropping Experience Our section at Honor spent the entire run-up to the show listening to a particular (and particularly greasy)...
Worst Eavesdropping Experience Our section at Honor spent the entire run-up to the show listening to a particular (and particularly greasy) dude attempting to put the moves on a beautiful young Asian woman he'd brought with him, using such lines as, "When you're my girlfriend, we'll go to shows like this all the time," the very elegant, “When you’re my girlfriend, your English will get so much better,” and the wholly charming, "I almost didn't bring you tonight because you wouldn't come up to my apartment." He also had a lot of thoughts on the relative coolness of their hypothetical children, used "YOLO" unironically ... and then showed up at another show the next day, doing the same thing to a wholly different beautiful young Asian woman. Beware the Fashion Week douche, ladies.
Photo: Chelsea Lauren/2014 Getty Images
The Verdict on the New Tents: Mixed Certain things about the redesigned Lincoln Center tents are great: ample, endless, free Diet Coke (pro...
The Verdict on the New Tents: Mixed Certain things about the redesigned Lincoln Center tents are great: ample, endless, free Diet Coke (probably the only thing keeping us alive right now); way more leg room in the smaller venues; better charging stations and better food; better organization; and fewer random yahoos choking up the space. On the other hand, the fact that the tents are constructed of black PVC makes it feel like you're entering Dexter's murder room, and we're worried it's going to be a hot box come September.
Also, we’re not sure why money was spent on remodeling and updating the tents, yet the bathrooms are still the same gross unpleasantness every time. But if it’s going to be that way, then here’s an idea for free to any company that wants it: Buy a bunch of coat and purse hooks, stamp your brand all over them, and hang them over the doors of the stalls so that we ladies can minimize what has to touch the floor. Everyone will thank you. And if no one does it, we’re seriously going to walk over to Bed Bath & Beyond across the street and buy a bunch ourselves. Photo: Andrew H. Walker/2014 Getty Images
Friendliest in Person We sat behind Jamie Chung at Herve Leger, and we can attest that she is friendly, charming, and refreshingly normal, ...
Friendliest in Person We sat behind Jamie Chung at Herve Leger, and we can attest that she is friendly, charming, and refreshingly normal, casually striking up a conversation with us — despite not knowing us from Adam — about everything from breath mints to changing clothes in her car. Sold! We might even watch her new TV show now.
Photo: Stephen Lovekin/2014 Getty Images
Most Candid Easily the quotes of the season for us were from Natasha Lyonne at Christian Siriano. She said, “It’s a sign of a good designer when ...
Most Candid Easily the quotes of the season for us were from Natasha Lyonne at Christian Siriano. She said, “It’s a sign of a good designer when they can find a place to put your boobs,” and explained fashion’s importance thusly: “Well, I don’t want to be in a shitty outfit. I want to be in a good outfit.” Come to think of it, last season this extreme honor went to Selma Blair, whom we also spoke to at Siriano. What’s in the water backstage? Can he please share it with the other venues?
Photo: Cindy Ord/2014 Getty Images
Most Apt Soundtrack The Jenny Packham show opened and closed with Rufus Wainwright’s “Oh, What A World,” which samples pieces of Ravel’s “B...
Most Apt Soundtrack The Jenny Packham show opened and closed with Rufus Wainwright’s “Oh, What A World,” which samples pieces of Ravel’s “Bolero” — which was famously used 30 years ago at the Sarajevo Winter OIympics, when Torvill and Dean, of Packham’s native England, skated to it and earned perfect scores. That could be a coincidence, or it could be a salute to the sports nuts of the world like us who couldn’t get back to our hotel rooms — and the Saga of Bob Costas’s Pink-Eye — fast enough. Fortunately, now that Fashion Week is over, we’ve got nothing but time.
Photo: Trevor Jones
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