The 24 Most Horrifying, Bedazzled Trendlets of the Early Aughts
Does anything really happen in the last two weeks of the year? If it did, would you care? Welcome to Brain Dead Fortnight, two weeks of mental vacation.
As the early 2000s fade into sepia, it’s increasingly hard to recall a span of time wherein multiple skinny belts were deployed to hold up a single pair of pants. It was an era when studs and crystals waged a reign of terror against defenseless velour. In honor of Brain Dead Fortnight, the Cut has unearthed some of the most notable examples of the costumes of the day and placed them in their proper historical context.
Click through our slideshow to relive this (mercifully) bygone era, with special appearances from P!nk, Hilary Duff, and, of course, Paris and Nicole.
Whiskered Denim In the halcyon days of 2001, no denim was left un-harrassed. Subjected to studding, artful rips, bedazzling, and the dreaded whis...
Whiskered Denim In the halcyon days of 2001, no denim was left un-harrassed. Subjected to studding, artful rips, bedazzling, and the dreaded whiskering, it endured unknown tortures en route to America's stores. Here is a popular couple of the time dressed in coordinating versions of the horrifying trend.
Photo: Getty Images
Chaps Seen here on Christina Aguilera in the year of our Lord 2002, these Western-inspired, ass-baring monstrosities luckily didn't take hold wit...
Chaps Seen here on Christina Aguilera in the year of our Lord 2002, these Western-inspired, ass-baring monstrosities luckily didn't take hold with the populace at large. Which is good, because (a) few can pull them off quite like Xtina, and (b) no one needs to feel like they're living life inside the "Dirrty" video.
Photo: Getty Images
Trucker Hats Here is Ashton Kutcher, a man who was 25 years of age when he donned this "Teenage Millionaire" trucker hat in 2003. He wa...
Trucker Hats Here is Ashton Kutcher, a man who was 25 years of age when he donned this "Teenage Millionaire" trucker hat in 2003. He was also not a truck driver. This delicious dichotomy was crucial to the culture of irony at the time.
Photo: SGranitz/Getty Images
Juicy Couture Tracksuits Those who made up the then-growing movement of "famewhores" — came, like the sans-culottes before th...
Juicy Couture Tracksuits Those who made up the then-growing movement of "famewhores" — came, like the sans-culottes before them, to reject the concept of "real pants." One among their number, a Miss Britney Spears, demurely models the costume here, accessorized with the traditional goblet of Starbucks.
Photo: (c) www.splashnews.com
Uggs Some elusive mysteries fall beyond a historian's reach. In this daguerreotype of Nicole Richie, she appears to be wearing voguish fur-lined ...
Uggs Some elusive mysteries fall beyond a historian's reach. In this daguerreotype of Nicole Richie, she appears to be wearing voguish fur-lined boots, though recorded temperatures in Los Angeles at the time were in the high 70s. We have yet to understand this flying in the face of meteorology.
Photo: Getty Images
The Ubiquitous ‘Going-Out Top’ Now in the collection of the Smithsonian institution, this once-lauded-as-versatile camisole was eagerly adopted b...
The Ubiquitous ‘Going-Out Top’ Now in the collection of the Smithsonian institution, this once-lauded-as-versatile camisole was eagerly adopted by the body politic. Kristin Cavallari, a student who allowed her life to be filmed for a harrowing documentary, proudly and publicly endorsed the fad.
Photo: Getty Images
Michael Stars This T-shirt line, pimped here by Hilary Duff, exerted a confusing choke hold on the torsos of the era (see also: C&C Californi...
Michael Stars This T-shirt line, pimped here by Hilary Duff, exerted a confusing choke hold on the torsos of the era (see also: C&C California). Sporting a hint of Lurex, these were best worn with several inches of upper pelvis flagrantly exposed, in Dufflike fashion.
Photo: Getty Images/Getty Images
High-heeled Timberlands "High-heeled Timbs / aviator lens / the only time you wear Burberry [is] to swim," rapped Jay Z, describing an ...
High-heeled Timberlands "High-heeled Timbs / aviator lens / the only time you wear Burberry [is] to swim," rapped Jay Z, describing an elegant woman of the day — and cementing the Franken-shoes as a bona fide Thing. Here is socialite Paris Hilton, sporting the booties at what we can only assume was a formal dogsledding competition.
Photo: Getty Images
Slashed T's While the meaning of her hand-hieroglyph has been lost to history, P!nk, an entertainer who spelled her name with an exclamation poin...
Slashed T's While the meaning of her hand-hieroglyph has been lost to history, P!nk, an entertainer who spelled her name with an exclamation point, was a proponent of slashed, Hulk-like T's. Note how part of the sleeve has found its way onto her hand, connoting added toughness.
Photo: Getty Images
Handkerchief Hems A subset of the slashed-T craze, the age saw hems torn and worn unevenly, demonstrated here by thespian Amy Adams. Why were the...
Handkerchief Hems A subset of the slashed-T craze, the age saw hems torn and worn unevenly, demonstrated here by thespian Amy Adams. Why were the people of the early aughts so angry at their clothes? If only there were primary sources to go on here.
Photo: Getty Images
Visible Bra Straps To our modern eyes, this looks like an accident, but Gwen Stefani's stray strap was — though it strains the very fabric of bel...
Visible Bra Straps To our modern eyes, this looks like an accident, but Gwen Stefani's stray strap was — though it strains the very fabric of belief itself — an intentional sartorial statement.
Photo: Kevin Mazur/Getty Images
Double Tank Tops When two tank tops were available, early-aughts folk usually elected to wear both at the same time. The significance of this ges...
Double Tank Tops When two tank tops were available, early-aughts folk usually elected to wear both at the same time. The significance of this gesture has been lost in the fog of time, but it must have had an interesting backstory.
Photo: Peter Kramer/Getty Images
Egregious Belting Ashlee Simpson, a sprite who brought acid reflux into the national conversation, was just one of many who experimented with thi...
Egregious Belting Ashlee Simpson, a sprite who brought acid reflux into the national conversation, was just one of many who experimented with this regrettable practice. Photo: Getty Images
Cutoff Denim Minis As the early aughts wore on, the populace became aware that the need generated by situations too formal for cutoffs could be s...
Cutoff Denim Minis As the early aughts wore on, the populace became aware that the need generated by situations too formal for cutoffs could be stanched by a short skirt crafted of humble jean fabric. Here is Lindsay Lohan, in her previous incarnation as a fresh-faced teen actress, wearing the popular "going-out" look. Photo: Gregg DeGuire/Getty Images
Cargos The once-lionized Mya broke new barriers in cargo pants, here daring to wear the military-inspired trousers with — what else? — a going-ou...
Cargos The once-lionized Mya broke new barriers in cargo pants, here daring to wear the military-inspired trousers with — what else? — a going-out top. She also appears to be at a yard sale.
Photo: WireImage
Lacing Idolized American Kelly Clarkson and Soprano-ette Jamie-Lynn Sigler latched onto this niche style of garment fastening as the epoch creste...
Lacing Idolized American Kelly Clarkson and Soprano-ette Jamie-Lynn Sigler latched onto this niche style of garment fastening as the epoch crested. Sigler actually wore this to the Met Ball, a Dionysian celebration of art and commerce, in 2003. We repeat, to the Met Ball.
Photo: Steve Granitz/Getty Images; Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage
Bedazzling Who is more self-aware than Jennifer Love Hewitt, posing in 2001 in a T-shirt encrusted with the message "Celebrity"?
Photo...
Bedazzling Who is more self-aware than Jennifer Love Hewitt, posing in 2001 in a T-shirt encrusted with the message "Celebrity"?
Photo: Getty Images
Horn Necklaces Even future the Row designer Ashley Olsen made missteps, chief among them a pendant indicating the wearer has freshly slaughtered ...
Horn Necklaces Even future the Row designer Ashley Olsen made missteps, chief among them a pendant indicating the wearer has freshly slaughtered a buffalo.
Photo: Getty Images
Newsboy Caps Is that a spunky newsie delivering "papes" in 1903, or a celebrity in 2003? In the case of Michelle Williams and Cameron D...
Newsboy Caps Is that a spunky newsie delivering "papes" in 1903, or a celebrity in 2003? In the case of Michelle Williams and Cameron Diaz, we can understand the confusion. Diaz also wears the feline emblem characteristic of the decade's "kidult" culture. (See also: Pharrell.)
Photo: Donald Bowers/Getty Images; Kevin Mazur/WireImage
Platform Flip-Flops Prior to achieving megamogul status, Jessica Simpson was legendary for using chopinelike footwear to elevate her tiny frame. ...
Platform Flip-Flops Prior to achieving megamogul status, Jessica Simpson was legendary for using chopinelike footwear to elevate her tiny frame. And looking permanently startled in photographs.
Photo: Getty Images
Ruffled Minis For a formal evening spent enjoying percussive music and liqueurs, a skirt resembling a wide belt, decorated with ruffles, was an e...
Ruffled Minis For a formal evening spent enjoying percussive music and liqueurs, a skirt resembling a wide belt, decorated with ruffles, was an early-aughts staple, connoting femininity and grace. An early-aughts denizen might well have described the effect as "so fetch."
Photo: Denise Truscello/WireImage; E. Dougherty/Getty Images
Super Low-Rise Jeans Those with abdominals appearing simultaneously flat and sculpted captured the attention and adoration of the public at large...
Super Low-Rise Jeans Those with abdominals appearing simultaneously flat and sculpted captured the attention and adoration of the public at large. Keira Knightley — whom we believe to have been a princess or other member of royalty based upon her regal bearing — dares the peasantry to look away from the concavity of her form.
Photo: Steve Granitz/Getty Images
Studding The craftspeople of the '00s busied themselves with scrivenerlike focus on adorning everyday garb with small studs. The fruits of their ...
Studding The craftspeople of the '00s busied themselves with scrivenerlike focus on adorning everyday garb with small studs. The fruits of their toil can be seen on Lindsay Lohan, shown here in 2004.
Photo: Kevin Winter/Getty Images
Chukka Hats Don't you just want to dig up your vintage Boomkat mp3s when you see this photo of Taryn Manning? (We were able to identify her via h...
Chukka Hats Don't you just want to dig up your vintage Boomkat mp3s when you see this photo of Taryn Manning? (We were able to identify her via her nameplate necklace.)
Photo: J. Vespa/Getty Images
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