Few things conjure up as much nostalgic dread as the SATs, that high-school rite of passage involving a day spent furiously filling in ovals corresponding to questions that determined your very future. But what did all of those vexing analogies and Venn diagrams really test? Nothing we’ve ever used before or since, that’s what. If only the educational system would assess us based on things we think and talk about every day … like, say, our favorite television shows.
As part of Vulture’s weeklong tribute to The Simpsons, we did exactly that. As with our recent Friends SAT, our Simpsons SAT exam tests your hard-earned knowledge of the Fox animated sitcom’s quotes, plotlines, and characters from the show’s first ten seasons with 40 fun yet actually challenging questions broken into four sections — analogies, sentence completion (twice!), and reading comprehension. (Why no math? Because math is for nerds like Professor Frink.) Take the exam to see how you would have scored on the SATs if Vulture had been in charge of testing our nation’s youth when it really mattered. Ready? Pick up your virtual No. 2 pencil and let’s begin.
Section 1.Time – 5 minutes10 Questions
Questions 1–5 are based on the following passage.
Lisa runs into Bleeding Gums Murphy, who she hasn't seen in years, while visiting Bart in the hospital. They catch up, and she later returns to talk to him some more, until she has to leave for a recital. When she returns to the hospital to continue their interrupted conversation, it's too late: Bleeding Gums has passed away.
Questions 6–10 refer to the following passage, taken from Lisa Simpson's speech in “Mr. Lisa Goes to Washington.”
The city of Washington was built on a stagnant swamp some 200 years ago and very little has changed. It stank then and it stinks now. Only today, it is the fetid stench of corruption that hangs in the air … And who did I see taking a bribe but the honorable Bob Arnold. But don't worry, Congressman, I'm sure you can buy all the votes you need with your dirty money. And this will be one nation under the dollar with liberty and justice for none.
Based on your score…