A Ranking of All 118 Sweaters Seen on Twin Peaks
Photo: ABC
Twin Peaks may open with a nude body wrapped in cellophane, but everyone knows that the show’s real stars are the sweaters. The series is an absolute cavalcade of cozy knitwear, each piece more comfy and creepy looking than the last.
And this sweater parade will march on: Yesterday, Showtime announced that it will revive the previously canceled series for a nine-episode limited run in 2016.
Until then, fill some of the time until 2016 by clicking through this complete ranking of all 118 sweaters seen on Twin Peaks.
[UPDATE: It has come to our attention that this top is not a blouse, but is, in fact, a sweater. The ranking has been augmented to reflect this addition, which comes in at No. 34. There are now 118 sweaters, not 117 as previously reported.]
118. A Morbidly Gray Sweater Sorry about your fate, dude.
Photo: ABC
117. A Fuzzy Bunny Mourning Sweater Fatalism in shades of tangerine-puke. Photo: ABC
116. A Cardigan That Asks: Rotten Petals or Diseased Snowflakes? It's both, unfortunately, but I bet on the second answer as well. Photo: ABC
115. A Very Legal Sweater And it's just the backdrop for the most upsetting bow tie you will ever see.
Photo: ABC
114. A Sweater for Bobby’s Depression It’s got a pale, pathetic ring of sadness.
Photo: ABC
113. A Sweater Vest That Reads: Don't Trust Me As Your Therapist Do you sense mice live in this vest? Discuss.
Photo: ABC
112. A Duster in the Shade of a Dirty Cookie This grieving woman needs to leave this grief-room.
Photo: ABC
111. A Child-Holding Sweater They can only see big blobs, so you can't offend their eyes with whatever weirdo patterns you found.
Photo: ABC
110. A Drab Flirting Sweater If you’ve got that leaning charm, no boring poop-brown will cramp your game.
Photo: ABC
109. A Baby-Barf Yellow Pullover An ideal tone for confronting the wretched buoyancy of evil.
Photo: ABC
108. A Sweater With the Largest Armpits What do these hold?
Photo: ABC
107. Enormous Sweater Pile for Sneaking Out Madeleine’s trying to blend into the layers of this television series.
Photo: ABC
106. A Creepy Yet Cozy Sweater Twin Peaks is very good at presenting a balance of both good and evil, light and dark, which is perhaps why this s...
106. A Creepy Yet Cozy Sweater Twin Peaks is very good at presenting a balance of both good and evil, light and dark, which is perhaps why this sweater is gray.
Photo: ABC
105. A Deconstructed Argyle A chilly diner forces its customers to gaze upon upsetting woolen items.
Photo: ABC
104. A Dramatic Elbow-Region Sweater Good for pointed yet veiled remarks about upcoming peril.
Photo: ABC
103. A Burgundy Fair Isle Hidden Under a Corduroy-Sweater-Jacket Blend Norma: not doing herself any favors.
Photo: ABC
102. A Long-Ass Sweater On a rando in Horne’s department store.
Photo: ABC
101. A Sweater With a Line of Diamonds They march in circles: endless, bleak, and meaningless loops.
Photo: ABC
100. A Lonely Argyle Sweater Why separate these shapes, if you're going to have them? Oh, because this series is about the impossible chaos of ni...
100. A Lonely Argyle Sweater Why separate these shapes, if you're going to have them? Oh, because this series is about the impossible chaos of nihilistic solitude?
Photo: ABC
99. A Cheerleader Pullover A bright color cannot improve a pointless journey. Photo: ABC
98. A Sweater of Discontinued Lines Just randomly halting stripes, like so many cold leads.
Photo: ABC
97. A Sweater That Says Small Town, Big Questions About Morality It's teal and it's real, and it works for serving coffee. Photo: ABC
96. An Evil Prep-School Cardigan It is the color of basements and also despair.
Photo: ABC
95. A Floating Fair Isle Sweater Lucy is reading a book about Tibet in this sweater.
Photo: ABC
94. Another Floating-Argyle Accent Sweater Two were made, two were worn: the Twin Peaks story. Photo: ABC
93. A Strutting to Your Chauffeur Sweater A benignly annoying pink, like an unwanted pleasantry.
Photo: ABC
92. A Teal Counter-Cleaning Cardigan Emerald, yet homey.
Photo: ABC
91. A Red Sweater of Insanity This cardigan represents retrogressive rage.
Photo: ABC
90. A Stealthy Burgundy Sweater Madeleine huddles into some chunky sleeves.
Photo: ABC
89. A Drab Sweater for Soup Freak-Outs A rando diner resident.
Photo: ABC
88. A Bubblicious Cardigan A deep V and deep feelings.
Photo: ABC
87. A Renaissance-Sleeve Diner Sweater Great for loading up that bus tray.
Photo: ABC
86. A Businesslike Sage Sweater A perfect tone for the tough questions.
Photo: ABC
85. A Sweater of the Other Sister If you isolate the hoop earrings, this is a cool outfit choice. Photo: ABC
84. A Chunky Navy Knit It's not this sweater's fault, but this is an extremely distressing display of enthusiasm.
Photo: ABC
82 and 83. Tangerine and Brown Dream-Band Knits Great for inexplicably starting a band for five minutes at the end of an episode.
Photo: A...
82 and 83. Tangerine and Brown Dream-Band Knits Great for inexplicably starting a band for five minutes at the end of an episode.
Photo: ABC
81. A Twee Thick-Knit Sweater Vest Only part of a sweater, but all of the sweater feelings.
Photo: ABC
80. A Sweater for a Little Sister's Poetry Reading A snowflake for every time she used the thesaurus.
Photo: ABC
79. A Full Dose of Fair Isle Sweater Constantly varied patterns, just like the moral mayhem of this television show.
Photo: ABC
78. A Jewel-Tones-of-Distress Sweater A color for every stage of mourning. Photo: ABC
77. An Orange Paperwork Sweater Shelly’s sorting out some finances.
Photo: ABC
76. A Collared Auburn Pullover Made just for bed-pouting on an orange throw.
Photo: ABC
75. A Three Peaks Sweater It’s impossible to conceive of a world in which violent monster Leo wears this dorky bulky knit, but I guess he does.&n...
75. A Three Peaks Sweater It’s impossible to conceive of a world in which violent monster Leo wears this dorky bulky knit, but I guess he does.
Photo: ABC
74. A Cold-Compress Sweater Armoire brown and very soothing.
Photo: ABC
73. A Flashback Sweater Those birds certainly represent something, but it's anyone's guess. Photo: ABC
72. A Good Hallway Cardigan Donna struts to her locker with a full skirt and full set of theories about love and friendship.
Photo: ABC
71. A Broken-Arm Sweater Soft and suited to be a makeshift sling.
Photo: ABC
70. A Newscaster Sweater This sweater seems to say: Moths, I welcome ye.
Photo: ABC
69. A Reasonably Loose Sweater The sweaters in Twin Peaks come in two speeds: tight as a Band-Aid, or loose as change.
Photo: ABC
68. A Nurse Sweater Healing shades.
Photo: ABC
67. A Plain Black Sweater Simple on the surface, a universe of nihilism below. Photo: ABC
66. A Flowery Petal Explosion A thick pile of pattern.
Photo: ABC
65. A Sweater Whose Floating Stars Represent Chaos One of Donna’s many mourning sweaters.
Photo: ABC
64. A White Turtleneck for the Courtroom Perfect for casting judgment, throwing stones, throwing shade.
Photo: ABC
63. A Sweater for Pastry Clutching, Santa-Mug Wielding Lucy is a professional woman who thinks about multitasking and fate.
Photo: ABC
62. A Sympathetic-Mom Sweater It says: I'm here to listen.
Photo: ABC
61. A Gentle Gray Snuggling Sweater Shelly nestles.
Photo: ABC
60. A Partying-Nordic Animal Sweater Tearing up that lodge hotel.
Photo: ABC
59. Another Nordic Party Monster Leaning up against a wall, enjoying his trip to the American West Coast/purgatory?
Photo: ABC
58. A Grief Sweater A pain so terrible, a stage of grief for every thread.
Photo: ABC
57. Kindly Gray, Kindly Pink Sweaters Dad meets boyfriend, both of them have gentle, cozy warm sweaters.
Photo: ABC
56. A Diamond Knit With a Thick-Ass Neck So enticing, it’s got Agent Cooper crushing.
Photo: ABC
55. Old Fellows Fighting at a Funeral Sweater Red and fiery and still filled with sass, goddamn it!
Photo: ABC
54. A Short-Sleeved Gray Sweater for Morning Seduction Agent Cooper has no time for that, however prim. Photo: ABC
53. A Sweater That Is Too Much to Describe Rivaled only by the collar, the ultimate in ineffable clothing items.
Photo: ABC
52. A Supportive-Spouse Sweater Purple and replete with resentment and loyalty.
Photo: ABC
51. A Sweater That Is So '90s and Yet So '40s A delicate balancing act in cashmere. Photo: ABC
50. A Green Confrontation Sweater Deep, steadfast. Photo: ABC
49. A Bright and Nubby Knit Number Good for reading a piece of paper.
Photo: ABC
48. A Sweater That Matches a Watch That Matches a Soul The color of plotting seduction. Photo: ABC
47. A Dark-Jade Boating Sweater Shades as deep as the sea. Photo: ABC
46. A Beige Sweater for the Easily Duped Gullible colors.
Photo: ABC
45. A Floral-Shoulder Knit Petals, stripes, everything bonkers.
Photo: ABC
44. A Laughing-Party Fair Isle Sweater What an enjoyable gathering in a bright corner of hell!
Photo: ABC
43. A Tiny Turtleneck Periwinkle and itsy.
Photo: ABC
42. A Sweater for Shooting Pale blue with the purest fire of rage.
Photo: ABC
41. A Harry S. Sweater Hidden beneath his oversize tweed blanket of jacket and buried feelings.
Photo: ABC
40. A Light-Repairs Sweater Vanilla-bean shade and excellent for reaching.
Photo: ABC
39. An Elegant White Sweater Blouse Flower embroidery.
Photo: ABC
38. A Collegiate Cardigan for Dancing Upsettingly Stripes on stripes. Photo: ABC
37. An Elongated Argyle Sweater Why did someone put this under a fringe suede jacket: the biggest mystery of this show.
Photo: ABC
36. A Sensitive James Sweater It’s even got a little touch of lavender in there. Photo: ABC
35. An Orchid Sweater for Wooing an Orchid Grower A hothouse flower.
34. A Passionate Ruffled Sweater As red as Mars, as ringed as Saturn, as bright as the burning sun.
33. A Black V-Neck for Edgy Diner-Times One bad review and she’s on the dark side.
Photo: ABC
32. A Soft Cerulean for Deep Sadness Donna’s bummed out again.
Photo: ABC
31. A Perfect Jerk Cardigan Jaunty, annoying, full of itself.
30. A Lagoon-Green Sweater for Lodge Spying It blends into the tree walls so well.
Photo: ABC
29. A Mint-Green Locker-Loading Sweater Donna: working those pastels hard.
Photo: ABC
28. A Royal-Purple Turtleneck, With Brooch Fancy, huh.
27. A Sweater That Matches a Log Alternating shades of tawny and deep bark.
Photo: ABC
26. A Color-Block Sweater for Apply Lip Liner Important inspirations for staying between the lines.
Photo: ABC
25. A Dove-Gray Nancy Meyer Cardigan Warm, cozy, paired with a lovely cocktail.
Photo: ABC
24. A Lawyerly Grandpa Sweater These buttons are just called "grandpa buttons," yes?
Photo: ABC
23. A Phone-Call-Transferring Sweater This is the first sweater we see in Twin Peaks! Lucy is transferring phone calls with aplomb.
Photo:...
23. A Phone-Call-Transferring Sweater This is the first sweater we see in Twin Peaks! Lucy is transferring phone calls with aplomb.
Photo: ABC
22. A Thick Stripe Pullover Black, white, red all over: a newspaper, or this sweater.
Photo: ABC
21. A Kindly Sweater Vest A dash of judgment, a heaping spoonful of sympathy.
Photo: ABC
20. A Soft Nubby Sweater for Searching Thoughts Donna wonders if James is helpful at all, actually.
Photo: ABC
19. An All-Things Sweater Diamond, curvy rectangles, circular accents. It’s all things, and it’s useful for wearing while holding a flyswatter.&n...
19. An All-Things Sweater Diamond, curvy rectangles, circular accents. It’s all things, and it’s useful for wearing while holding a flyswatter.
Photo: ABC
17 and 18. A Matching Gray Sweater Dress and Cardigan Plus a bonus orange knit friend.
Photo: ABC
16. A Gown-Length Log Lady Sweater For the last episode of Twin Peaks, the only sweater comes with wisdom and gravitas.
Photo: ABC
15. A Gray-Frump Sweater to Herd Beauty Queens Into the Right Room It brings the business. Photo: ABC
11, 12, 13, and 14. High-School Hallway Sweaters They do not have heat in this building.
Photo: ABC
10. A Magical-Healing Sweater Red crosses, florals, pulling out all the stops to bring Cooper back to health.
Photo: ABC
9. A Star-Hip Sweater A holster of light in this universe of endless dark.
Photo: ABC
8. A Smoking-in-the-Bathroom Sweater Half lace, all sass.
Photo: ABC
7. A Hawk Sweater! Excellent upper-arm adornments.
Photo: ABC
6. An Agent Cooper Sweater! Sophisticated, brunette, slimming, intelligent.
Photo: ABC
5. A Square Sweater Ideal for judging those dirty mags.
Photo: ABC
4. A Shut-the-Mill-Down Sweater Autumn brown and ready to make some mysteriously motivated changes around here.
Photo: ABC
2 and 3. Two Sneaky-Detective Sweaters Off to some secret business.
Photo: ABC
1. A Spooky, Sexy-Forest Cardigan Horrifying branches in the void: the moral void where our souls meet our shadow souls and battle, endlessly for...
1. A Spooky, Sexy-Forest Cardigan Horrifying branches in the void: the moral void where our souls meet our shadow souls and battle, endlessly forever, in the years 1990 and 1991 and then again in 2016.
Photo: ABC
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