A pitch-black intergalactic joyride, a treatise on the cruel and unfeeling randomness of fate: Adult Swim’s cult hit Rick and Morty is so decidedly not a cartoon about the wacky shenanigans of a kooky inventor. So describing Rick Sanchez as one at all feels kind of … wrong. Lest we forget, he’s also a wanted criminal, a terrible father, a surprisingly loving grandfather, an arms dealer, and a prolific alcoholic.
That said, Rick’s invented some badass stuff. And Rick and Morty does an impressive job of bringing back the seeds it plants early on. To keep track of them all, we’ve compiled a list of all of Rick’s inventions that have been introduced to date (through Sunday night’s episode, “Get Schwiftyâ€), in order of how much we wish each one existed in this dimension.
25. Neutrino Bomb
First Seen In: “Pilot†(though we never really SEE it, thank God)
What’s it do? It’s capable of destroying the entire planet — Rick offers to use it to bring Morty closer to Jessica, which is sweet, but, you know, also awful.
Do we want it? No. No, thank you. And we definitely don’t want it in Rick’s hands.
24. Death Machine
First Seen In: “Auto Erotic Assimilationâ€
What’s it do? Well, it kills a sad little monster Rick briefly brings to life, and it almost assists Rick in taking very drastic measures to deal with his heartbreak over Unity. The question: Why was it in Rick’s garage in the first place?
Do we want it? Definitely not. But if you’re wondering about the song that accompanies its use, it’s called “Do You Feel It?†and it’s by Chaos Chaos. It’s a rad song, and I’ve listened to it eight times today.
23. Love Potion
First Seen In: “Rick Potion No. 9â€
What’s it do? It makes whoever you give it to fall deeply in love with you and only you, forever, which is a terrifying enough concept without throwing in the risk of Cronenberg-ing an entire planet.
Do we want it? Definitely not — even if it was inadvertently the best thing to happen to Beth and Jerry’s marriage.
22. Ionic Defibulizer
First Seen In: “Rick Potion No. 9â€
What’s it do? Unclear. You have to screw stuff into it? It kills a version of Rick and Morty, so there’s that.
Do we want it? Not unless it secretly does something really awesome. And even then, is it worth the risk?
21. The Fleeseeks Box
First Seen In: “Meeseeks and Destroyâ€
What’s it do? It’s just a mop and some floor wax! Wubba lubba dub dub!
Do we want it? Nah, we’ve got Swiffers.
20. Abradolf Lincler
First Seen In: “Ricksy Businessâ€
What’s it do? Rick attempted to create a morally neutral superleader by combining the DNA of Abraham Lincoln and Adolf Hitler — but as evidenced in “Rick Potion No. 9,†when Rick tries to combine seemingly opposite DNA, terrible things happen. Far from being able to lead anyone, Lincler can barely pull his deeply confused self together for one house party.
Do we want it? Oh, no. Ew. Get it away.
19. A Gun That Shoots Anti-Matter
First Seen In: “Mortynight Runâ€
What’s it do? Shoots anti-matter, gets sold to the incredibly named Krombopolis Michael.
Do we want it? That’s way too much power for any one person, unless that person is Morty and the target is a colorful singing fart cloud.
18. Freeze Gun
First Seen In: “Pilotâ€
What’s it do? It freezes people. Specifically, it freezes Frank Palicky, Morty’s bully who would have been a major antagonist in just about any other show, but Rick and Morty isn’t any other show, so Frank “my parents are rich†Palicky smashes into a million little frozen shards instead.
Do we want it? Given a chance, sure, but it’s not the coolest thing in Rick’s arsenal that can stop someone in their tracks.
17. Butter-Passing Robot
First Seen In: “Something Ricked This Way Comesâ€
What’s it do? It passes butter. That’s it. Because of this, it also has existential crises.
Do we want it? It might help in getting an A at the science fair, but otherwise, we don’t need butter passed that badly.
16. Jerryboree
First Seen In: “Mortynight Runâ€
What’s it do? Look, sometimes you’re traveling with a Jerry, and you need somewhere to drop him off for the day, somewhere he can make friends with other Jerrys, watch Midnight Run, and adjust the TV’s factory picture settings. Earth Rick C-137 didn’t invent or patent the idea, but a Rick somewhere did, and anyway, our Rick also thought of it.
Do we want it? I mean, you’re never sure when a Jerry will enter your life.
15. Alien Translation Device
First Seen In: “Auto Erotic Assimilationâ€
What’s it do? Blim Blam the Baby Eater uses it to totally school Beth and Jerry on their marriage problems. But we assume that most of the time it’s just used to help Rick figure out what the aliens he’s captured are trying to say to him.
Do we want it? Only if it can be used for dogs — it might be a more effective way to communicate with them than the dog helmet (see No. 8).
14. Realities Detector
First Seen In: “A Rickle in Timeâ€
What’s it do? It allows you to see how many realities your current reality has been split into at any given time.
Do we want it? Well, hopefully we’ll never need it. But then it could come in handy — wait, no — ah crap, we all know what uncertainty does.
13. A Watch That Turns People Into Snakes
First Seen In: “Get Schwiftyâ€
What’s it do? Well, technically, it’s a particle watch and a snake holster, but it still creates what looks like a super-cool/super-dangerous magic trick.
Do we want it? Well, we’re not murderers, so no, but it was pretty badass when used in the episode.
12. Concentrated Dark Matter
First Seen In: “M. Night Shyamaliensâ€
What’s it do? It’s a high-powered rocket fuel that is apparently powerful enough that getting the formula is worth making an elaborate simulation over.
Do we want it? I mean, first we’d need a rocket.
11. Curse Remover
First Seen In: “Something Ricked This Way Comesâ€
What’s it do? If you pick up a mysterious object from a store where everything is free and probably cursed, the curse remover can turn said object into something awesome and magical, instead of something that will, you know, remove your face or make you impotent.
Do we want it? In theory, yes — provided, of course, that the Devil opens up a store near us.
10. Timeline Viewer
First Seen In: “Rixty Minutesâ€
What’s it do? Picture an Oculus Rift. Now picture if that Oculus Rift could show you everything that was ever possible for you, in this and every other timeline.
Do we want it? It’s a double-edged sword. We all want to see the world where we’re a movie star or a lion tamer or something, but do we really want to see the worlds where our parents decided not to have us? The movie-star world is pretty sweet, though.
9. The Rick Dance
First Seen In: “Ricksy Businessâ€
What’s it do? Not every invention is material. Some are supersweet dances that utilize the time-altering powers of Slow Mobius.
Do we want it? Awwww, yeah! Cue up the music!
8. Dog Helmet
First Seen In: “Lawnmower Dogâ€
What’s it do? It makes dogs just smart enough to figure out how to use the helmet to make them smarter.
Do we want it? 100 percent, provided our dogs don’t go the way of Snuffles and abandon our reality for one where they can rule.
7. Get Schwifty
First Seen In: “Get Schwiftyâ€
What’s it do? “Get Schwifty†is a song Rick writes to enter Earth in an American Idol–type music competition. It freaking rocks out loud/qualifies Earth for an intergalactic music competition judged by giant floating heads.
Do we want it? We’ve already got it. Wherever there is music, there shall be “Get Schwifty.â€
6. Dream Hopper
First Seen In: “Lawnmower Dogâ€
What’s it do? Rick and Morty use it to dive into Mr. Goldenfold’s dream — it’s basically an Inception device, but you don’t have to be in the universe of that terrible movie to use it.
Do we want it? Ummm … yes and no. It could come in handy, if you wanted to change your math grade, say, but you also could end up meeting a Freddy Krueger knockoff or seeing your grandpa in bondage gear. You win some, you lose some.
5. Time Freezer
First Seen In: “Ricksy Businessâ€
What’s it do? It freezes time!
Do we want it? In theory, yes. In practice? It can’t be good to keep time frozen that long. Especially not when it can lead to any uncertainty causing a rift in the space-time continuum.
4. The Meeseeks Box
First Seen In: “Meeseeks and Destroy†(NOTE: There is no hard evidence that Rick invented the Meeseeks Box — we know they exist throughout the multiverse since one can be seen in the background at Blipz and Chitz — but Rick at least brought them to Earth C-137.)
What’s it do? You press the button and a lovable blue Meeseeks appears, to accomplish the simple task you ask of it before exploding into a little pile of fluff. It’s a cute and easy concept, unless, of course, you’re Jerry Smith.
Do we want it? Ohhhh yeahhh, caaaan do!!!!!! Just make sure the task is simple enough that they won’t turn murderous.
3. Spaceship
First Seen In: “Pilotâ€
What’s it do? It FLIES, bro, it’s a spaceburrrpship! And it’s sturdy: It’s held up through interdimensional travel, multiple crashes, and being piloted by a 14-year-old.
Do we want it? What? It’s a spaceship. Yes. We’re not monsters.
2. Interdimensional Cable Box
First Seen In: “Rixty Minutesâ€
What’s it do? You can watch TV from every planet in every universe in every dimension, from Ball Fondlers to Gazorpazorpfield to some very weird and improvisational commercials.
Do we want it? YES. GIMME. I want to figure out what’s up with that bear spinning a spiderweb from its butt.
1. Portal Gun
First Seen In: “Pilotâ€
What’s it do? Has there ever been anywhere in the entirety of time and space that you’ve wanted to go? It can take you there. It’s the cornerstone of just about every adventure that Rick and Morty (and Beth and Jerry and Summer) have ever had. Also, it split a guy in half once.
Do we want it? YES. Anywhere in time and space, guys.