What is even the point of having squad goals if we’re just going to tear our friends’ squads apart, Laura? The squad goals bylines explicitly state that you cannot call into Andy Cohen’s What What Happens Live and force your best friend Jennifer Lawrence to chose you over Amy Schumer on live television. The idea is that we can all have an entire squad of best friends, Laura. Do you understand? What? No, it doesn’t matter how upset you were over J.Law and Amy Schumer’s Jet Ski photos! Do you know what happens if we all stop striving toward squad goals, Laura? Chaos. Anarchy. Crying on Jet Skis. I’m going to have to call for a tribunal in front of the Squad Goals Court to sort this out. Yeah, well, I’m not happy about it either.
