Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt follows Kimmy, who gets kidnapped at age 14 by Reverend Richard Wayne Gary Wayne and spends 15 years in a bunker as part of an underground doomsday cult. The show does an excellent job of crafting a character who, in many ways, hasn’t grown emotionally since 1998. Kimmy still loves light-up sneakers. On her first day in New York, she eats candy for dinner. And when it comes to cursing, she behaves like a 12-year-old: putting harmless words in the place of curse words, avoiding the word “God,†and spelling “bad†words out. Some of them call to mind Liz Lemonisms (“What the what?â€), and, thanks to Ellie Kemper’s delivery, this makes for a great running joke. (In rare moments, Kimmy will get mad enough to drop a real “curse†word. When the mole women find out that the crank the reverend made them turn was generating electricity for his private tube in the bunker, a furious Kimmy yells, “This sucks!â€)
Ahead, we’ve compiled all of Kimmy’s fake cursing moments, in chronological order. If a non-curse word is repeated more than once, the best instances appear here.
What in the ham sandwich?
What the fudge?
Dang this fancy comb.
This is so wack.
What the h-e-double … no, you know what? What the hell.
Deborah in the office says one more s-c-r-e-w up and you’ll never teach again.
Get up there and give him heck for fudge’s sake, goshdangit.
This blows chunks.
My boss is being a real b-i-t of a j-e-r-k.
Gosh darn mommy fudger.
Golly gee whillikers.
This is my birthday, dagnabbit.
I’m gonna make waffles out of him.*
Un-be-fudge-ing-lievable.
Shut your wet mouth.
Hold the pickles.
Well, fudge that sugar. Fudge it to heck, where a demon with a thousand wee-wees fudges it forever.
Jeepers H. Christmas.
Aw, cracker on a cracker.
What the Hellman’s mayonnaise was that?
What in the hello, operator, please give me number nine?
What the huh?
Jeepers, Terry, and Broseph.**
This sucks eggs.
J’schnerp?***
Get out back and hold the monkey.
What the Helvetica Bold?
She rolls total dice.
*We know this means something really bad in Durnsville.
** Terry is Jesus’ crazy stepbrother, according to the reverend.
***A new local bakery’s take on the Pop-Tart, because both those words are gendered.