If there is one fact about Dwayne Johnson that acts as a keystone for his entire existence, it is that Dwayne Johnson is not a “candy guy.†Everyone is a candy guy. We are all candy guys living in a candy world. Dwayne Johnson’s last piece of candy, however, was a Twizzler in 1989, which honestly explains a lot. “This is what candy is?†the Rock must have thought, eating a Twizzler in a darkened movie theater. “In that case, I’m going to go ahead and never eat candy again.†If it had been a Red Vine, Dwayne Johnson’s entire life might have been different. Not better, to be sure, but certainly filled with way more candy. Probably worse. So in the end, we as a society owe a debt of gratitude to Twizzlers for being the most “eh, I think I’m good†candy on the market. Thanks, guys.
