The fittest show on British television is touching down in the U.S. via Hulu this Saturday. The Wine Show stars Downton Abbey’s Matthew Goode and The Americans’ Matthew Rhys as two novice wine drinkers learning about wine at a villa in the Italian countryside. Their wine maestro, Joe Fattorini, then goes around the world as a correspondent to fetch them nice bottles of wine to sample. As with any show, there are some conventions that get established fairly quickly. So with the show upon us, we’ve put together a handy little drinking game with which you can get properly soused while watching this alone in your bedroom (kidding!). You should probably get one of giant bottles of wine that’s like the size of a small dog though, because you’re gonna get druuuuunk.
The sun dapples the Matthews as they enjoy a glass of wine: Take a sip, because we’re in for a long night.
There’s a shot of slow-motion wine swirling: Give your glass a swirl and take a sip.
There’s a shot of slow-motion wine smelling: Stick your nose in your glass as demonstrated and take a sip.
There are fast-motion clouds: Sip.
There’s a sunset or a sunrise: Take the smallest of sips.
There’s a mention of the color of the wine: Drink.
Someone refers to Matthew Rhys as “Rhys-yâ€: Giggle, then take a sip.
Someone makes a literary reference: Take two small sips.
Someone makes a British reference you don’t understand: Take deep sip, because nothing cures embarrassment like alcohol.
Every time Matthew Rhys does something you might describe as “impishâ€: Cheers the screen and take a drink.
Every time the bald guy (okay, Joe Fattorini) chastises Matthew Rhys: Drink.
You forgot the bald guy’s name: Joe Fattorini! Drink!
Matthew and Matthew roughhouse: Drink.
If you think Matthew Goode looks sort of goofy in his porkpie hat: Take a gulp. It gets better.
If you think that Matthew Rhys should trim his beard just a little bit: Take a drink.
If you think that Matthew Rhys should absolutely not trim his beard: Take a drink.
If you just sort of want to nuzzle Matthew Rhys’s beard: Oh boy, I don’t know, just finish your glass.
Whenever Matthew Goode speaks Italian: Drink.
Whenever Matthew Rhys says that he hates sweet wine: Crack open a bottle of muscat and go to town.
Every time there’s a vague sidestepping of British colonialism: This is uncomfortable! You should finish the bottle and open a new one.
If you spy some of Matthew Rhys’s chest hair: Take a sip for every strand you see.