Les Dykawitz and Chubbina Fatzarelli might be Chicago’s most-efficient, 1970s crime-fighting duo, known affectionately to each other as Dyke and Fats. (And yes, only they can call each other that. And don’t even think of calling them broads, either.) So what are they going to do when Santa Claus has been captured by the city’s most-notorious gang? Feed the cat, put a dollop of mustard on a hotdog, and go out and kick some major ass … by any means necessary. SNL, if you’re listening: Make this a movie. As soon as humanly possible.