In the wake of an allegation of sexual misconduct against Aziz Ansari, The Good Place’s Jameela Jamil would like to have a conversation. Not about about Ansari’s actions, as she claims to have “no right, nor inclination, to comment,†but on the importance of enthusiastic consent during sex. In a post on her website titled “What We Need to Learn from the Aziz Ansari Clusterfuck,†Jamil says that the incident “has indeed sparked an interesting conversation about consent, both technical and more importantly, emotional, and how vital it is to read the room and make sure the other person is not just willing, but damn well enthusiastic. Especially, in my opinion, if that person is the one to be penetrated.â€
Jamil blames pornography and pop culture in a large part for perpetuating the idea that women are objects to be used by men. “We have allowed pornography to continuously promote that narrative that a woman is a hole for a man to enjoy when and how he feels like it,†she writes, going on to critique music videos, “where the girls are always practically naked and performing rehearsed dance routines for the men, who are sitting there on their arses†and “music lyrics which went from, “Try a little tenderness,†to MURDER THAT PUSSY. BEAT THAT PUSSY UP. PUT THAT PUSSY IN A TOASTER. SHRED THE PUSSY AND PUT IT IN THE BIN. THROW THE PUSSY OUT THE WINDOW. FLUSH THE PUSSY DOWN THE TOILET. (Poor old pussy having a terrible time.)â€
“Our society, the internet, and even our most mainstream media, constantly perpetuate the idea that men do not need to worry about what our needs and boundaries are,†Jamil says. “They just need technical consent, however that consent is acquired. CONSENT SHOULDN’T BE THE GOLD STANDARD. That should be the basic foundation. Built upon that foundation should be fun, mutual passion, equal arousal, interest and enthusiasm.†To that end, Jamil encourages women to speak up about their needs during sex (as long as they feel safe doing so), and for men to “actually realise and come to terms with the fact that porn is a bullshit fantasy and learning sex from pornography is like learning how to drive from The Fast and the Furious. A terrible idea.â€