While Arie Luyendyk Jr.’s “thing†as last season’s Bachelor leading man might’ve been the sad whimper of viewers asking who? after his unveiling, this year, Colton Underwood got a very different reception from the franchise: The 26-year-old former football player is a happy virgin — a not-particularly-unusual status, but one that The Bachelor has been using as its go-to marketing tool for months. ABC has been all over it, through promos, interviews, and film-homage photo shoots. So, unsurprisingly, the premiere of Underwood’s season on Monday was loaded with just about every virgin joke you could imagine, from the prerecorded exploits at the mansion to the live-show antics in the studio lots. Presented without context, here’s all the very chaste, very celibate jokes you might’ve missed.
“I haven’t dated a virgin since I was 12, but I’m willing to give it another shot.â€
“Here’s to the virgin with virgins cocktails!â€
“Life’s all about experiencing things for the first time.â€
“[Pops red balloon.] Now that I popped your cherry, we don’t have to talk about your virginity anymore!â€
“At least he’s a cute virgin!â€
“[Holds playing card.] I don’t know what card you were thinking, but I just took your V-card.â€
“I am the first virgin bachelor.â€
“If I was the person Colton gave his virginity do, I’d definitely bring out all the tricks.â€
“He kisses very well for a virgin.â€
“Everybody is here to see what will happen on Colton’s dramatic journey, and whether he just might lose something along the way.â€
“Unlike any other season in Bachelor history, Colton really has something to lose.â€