Avengers: Endgame is now in theaters, bringing an epic 11-year journey that started with 2008’s Iron Man to its breathtaking, surprising, and occasionally tragic conclusion. As someone who has been invested in the Marvel Cinematic Universe since the beginning, and even made a decent-ish effort to watch the thousands of shows tangentially tied into its expansive world, I thought I was prepared for anything Endgame could throw at me. I was wrong.
I should’ve known better than to assume we were on steady ground, but Black Panther, Ragnarok, and Infinity War had lulled me into complacency. “You can trust me,†the MCU whispered in my ear. “Look at all these beautiful gifts I have given you.†But no. Endgame betrayed those years of trust, throwing over half of my beloved original Avengers team under the bus in the most horrific fashion. It was possibly the worst massacre in the history of the MCU, and I don’t say that lightly. I am talking, of course, about everyone’s hair.
From Hawkeye’s crisis brony to Black Widow’s doomsday makeover to Thor’s Lebowski cosplay wig, Endgame was a veritable carousel of hair don’ts. Forget all the death and destruction, and focus on what’s important: all those relentlessly horrible ’dos! I know it’s the apocalypse, guys, but, like, geez. The past decade-plus of the MCU has been a roller coaster of hair highs and lows, and while we appear to be in free fall right now, it wasn’t always like this. So in honor of the final Avengers, l decided to hop into the Quantum Realm and take a tour of the MCU’s historic hair stylings — the good, the bad, and the apocalyptic. Like Ant-Man, I was nervous, but ultimately, YOLO.
Please note: I will not be covering every single hairstyle in the MCU, as such a post would be 8,000 entries long. These are the 64 cuts I deem most noteworthy — and most integral to the universe I love almost as much as Thor loves his hammer. Let us begin.
2008
The Axe Body Spray
Who wore it and when: Tony Stark, Iron Man
This hair says: “It’s one banana, Michael, what could it cost? Ten dollars?â€
How to achieve this look: Hire a stylist to come to your penthouse. Leave a $300 tip. Proceed to decorate said penthouse entirely in reflective surfaces. Check yourself out at every opportunity, but never, I repeat, never get caught.
The Cool Substitute Teacher
Who wore it and when: Bruce Banner, The Incredible Hulk
This hair says: “You can use your phones if you want. I promise I won’t tell.â€
How to achieve this look: Skip a haircut. Tousle your hair with just a dab of wax. Make finger guns into the bathroom mirror.
The Supportive Girlfriend
Who wore it and when: Pepper Potts, Iron Man; Betty Ross, The Incredible Hulk
This hair says: “I’m the only person who truly gets you, you troubled, troubled man.â€
How to achieve this look: Put up with a staggering amount of crap from the men around you. Set aside an afternoon to do something just for you. Go get a mani-pedi, eat some froyo, ignore his texts for just one afternoon, come on, can’t he be without you for like two hours? Decide on a whim to get bangs, because you’re pretty sure you can rock them. Ma’am, you can do anything.
2010
The Ariel
Who wore it and when: Natasha Romanoff, Iron Man 2
This hair says: “Flippin’ your fins, you don’t get too far. Legs are required for jumping, dancing.â€
How to achieve this look: Painstakingly curl narrow sections of your hair using a dinglehopper. Develop a hopeless crush on a man you’ve never met. Give your voice to a sea witch.
The Mansplain
Who wore it and when: Tony Stark, Iron Man 2
This hair says: “Well, actually …â€
How to achieve this look: Jog to your helicopter as the blades whirl, whipping your hair into a frenzy. Have your assistant spritz it with maximum hold hairspray.
2011
The Mall Santa
Who wore it and when: Odin, Thor
This hair says: “Ho, ho, whatever.â€
How to achieve this look: Rejoice in the fact that you’re not losing your hair at this age. Resign yourself to the truth that you are now contractually obligated to be a mall Santa.
The Point Break
Who wore it and when: Thor, Thor
This hair says: “Let me go out there and let me get one wave, just one wave before you take me in.â€
How to achieve this look: Go for a run every morning along the beach. Breathe in the salty smell of the breaking waves. When your stylist asks what sort of look you’re going for, point longingly toward the ocean.
The Helmet Head
Who wore it and when: Loki, Thor
This hair says: “I reek of pomade and self-loathing.â€
How to achieve this look: Apply a liberal amount of gel to your hair. No, more than that. No, more. Okay, let’s just assume that however much you think is a lot, you should at least quadruple it. Then comb your hair straight back. Once dry, it should make a dull clanging sound when you hit it.
The Gimli, Son of Gloin
Who wore it and when: Volstagg, Thor
This hair says: “You have my ax.â€
How to achieve this look: Be born in the Ered Luin during the Third Age of the Sun. Relocate to Erebor following the defeat of the dragon Smaug. Attend the Council of Elrond. Pledge yourself to a hobbit. Kill 42 orcs at the Battle of Helm’s Deep.
The Vanilla Ice Cream
Who wore it and when: Jane Foster, Thor
This hair says: “My favorite animal is a dolphin.â€
How to achieve this look: Wake up like this. That’s it. Just wake up like this.
The Accountant Your Mom Keeps Trying to Set You Up With
Who wore it and when: Steve Rogers, Captain America: The First Avenger
This hair says: “Never in my life have I driven even a single mile over the speed limit.â€
How to achieve this look: Walk to your neighborhood barbershop on a sunny day, hands in your pockets, whistling. Greet everyone you meet along the way. If you pass any dogs, pet them. When you hop into the barber’s chair, request “the usual,†then inquire after your barber’s wife and kids. Tell him you found a neat new stamp for his collection, which you’ll bring by next time.
The “I Know My Valueâ€
Who wore it and when: Peggy Carter, Captain America: The First Avenger This hair says: “Just. Try. It.â€
How to achieve this look: Spend your day surrounded by men who constantly refer to you as “Little Lady.†Set your hair in hot rollers overnight. Compose a mental list of all the things that make you worthy of more. Realize it is an extremely long list. Comb your hair out in the morning, part off-center. Apply a bold lipstick and a take-no-prisoners smile.
2012
The Emo Porcupine
Who wore it and when: Loki, The Avengers
This hair says: “I could stab you with my hair.â€
How to achieve this look: Request “severe, ridiculous layers†from your stylist. Never, ever, wash your hair — only comb it straight back. From time to time, take a large barrel curling iron to the ends of each layer. Hold it all in place with liberal amounts of grease and spite.
The Legends of the Fall
Who wore it and when: Thor, The Avengers
This hair says: “I moonlight as a romance novel cover model.â€
How to achieve this look: Become your father’s favorite son. And your brother’s widow’s favorite lover. And your enemy’s most vengeful, rum-running nightmare. Succumb to a bear’s wrath in the end.
The Part-Time Adjunct Professor
Who wore it and when: Bruce Banner, The Avengers
This hair says: “I have seven Ph.D.’s and live in my car.â€
How to achieve this look: Read a book. Read 12 books. Realize you’ve forgotten to get a haircut for … well, you’re not really sure. Look at the clock and realize you’re late for work. Finger-comb while trying to avoid your reflection in the mirror. Let out a beleaguered sigh.
The Maaaaybe Swipe Right?
Who wore it and when: Clint Barton, The Avengers
This hair says: “I probably have a job and most likely do not live with my parents. I may, however, order for you at a restaurant.â€
How to achieve this look: Wash your hair with bar soap, towel dry. Fashion the front wisps into an upward swoop, somehow. Hold in place with whatever brand of hair wax was on sale at Target last week.
The Angry ’50s Housewife
Who wore it and when: Natasha Romanoff, The Avengers
This hair says: “Make your own meatloaf. I’ve got things to do.â€
How to achieve this look: Chop your excessively long locks down to shoulder length after realizing they’re super-impractical for work. Give your hair a lazy curl, because women can’t have it all. Realize this look is still really impractical for work, but at least it’s off your neck.
2013
The Post-Breakup 1997 Delia’s Model
Who wore it and when: Thor, Thor: The Dark World
This hair says: “My ‘Tragic Kingdom’ CD hasn’t left my boom box in a week.â€
How to achieve this look: Pull a top section of your hair back, secure with elastic. Carefully use a comb to pull down long tendrils that frame your face. Go surprise Billy at his locker after school. Find him kissing Jennifer. Go home and cry on your bed for an hour. Scribble his photo out of your yearbook. Write an angry note, then rip it up and flush it down the toilet. Pass out next to a plate of cold pizza rolls.
The Wiseau
Who wore it and when: Loki, Thor: The Dark World
This hair says: “I did not hit her, it’s not true, it’s bullshit, I did not hit her. I did naaaht. Oh, hi, Mark.â€
How to achieve this look: Be an enigma. Cry occasionally for no reason. Have a mysterious and unlimited fortune. Roll around on the floor.
The YASSS QUEEN
Who wore it and when: Frigga, Thor: The Dark World
This hair says: “Bend the knee.â€
How to achieve this look: Grow your hair out for a thousand years. Ask your stylist to turn your cascading tresses into a DIY crown. Wear silken robes paired with metal body armor at all times, even to bed. Be a literal queen.
2014
The Alias
Who wore it and when: Natasha Romanoff, Captain America: The Winter Soldier
This hair says: “I have never, ever HEARD of a ponytail and I’m offended that you would ask.â€
How to achieve this look: Grow out your bob to shoulder length. Grab the knives that you keep hidden on your person at all times. Heat them over the nearest open flame. Divide your hair into sections and methodically pass them over the heated blades until all hairs on your head are literally razor straight.
The Laser-Precision Cut
Who wore it and when: Sam Wilson, Captain America: The Winter Soldier This hair says: “You should be so lucky.â€
How to achieve this look: Decide that if manscaping was an Olympic sport, you would medal in it.
The Thousand-Yard Stare
Who wore it and when: Bucky Barnes, Captain America: The Winter Soldier This hair says: “I have seen things you wouldn’t believe.â€
How to achieve this look: Do not bathe for 70 years. Jam your fingers into a pot of jet black eyeliner, close your eyes, and smear liberally over your face. Don’t worry about aim, it’ll all work out. Without washing your hands, run your eyeliner-coated fingers through your hair a few times. Grunt.
The Cool Story, Bro
Who wore it and when: Peter Quill, Guardians of the Galaxy
This hair says: “Dude. DUDE. Duuuuuuude.â€
How to achieve this look: Promise a friend you’ll help them move, then don’t show up until they’re almost done. Load two boxes onto the truck, then eat half the pizza they provided for their volunteers. Tell everyone you forgot you had somewhere to be. Go to your parents’ house to do laundry, and while you’re there, ask your mom if she can cut your hair.
The Trash Panda
Who wore it and when: Rocket Raccoon, Guardians of the Galaxy
This hair says: “Fuzzy and fabulous, bitcheeeees.â€
How to achieve this look: Love yourself. Don’t listen to naysayers. Condition regularly. Be an actual woodland creature.
The License to Slay
Who wore it and when: Gamora, Guardians of the Galaxy
This hair says: “I’m gonna be the last thing you ever see, and you’re gonna like it.â€
How to achieve this look: Take a break from your busy assassin schedule and make an appointment with a trusted stylist, because you are a professional and like knows like. Request a color that lets people know you are fun and cool, but also that their next breath might be their last.
2015
These Roots, These Roots, These Roots Are Real Dire
Who wore it and when: Quicksilver, Avengers: Age of Ultron
This hair says: “Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.â€
How to achieve this look: Bleach your hair within an inch of its life, wait two months.
The Hot Topic
Who wore it and when: Wanda Maximoff, Avengers: Age of Ultron
This hair says: “Sometimes I dip my fingers in hot candle wax.â€
How to achieve this look: Grow your hair out until your split ends have split ends. Keep it a few shades darker than your natural color using Manic Panic. Paint your nails with white-out, then color over it with Sharpie. Sketch unexpectedly pretty floral patterns onto your jeans during class.
The Edna Mode
Who wore it and when: Hope van Dyne, Ant-Man
This hair says: “I never look back, it distracts from the now.â€
How to achieve this look: Prove yourself the most capable person in the room at every turn. Grow increasingly more frustrated as mediocre men consistently get the job you want. Fashion your rage into a blade. Use it to cut your hair into a sharp bob, then stow it away for safekeeping. You’ll need it someday.
The Silver Fox
Who wore it and when: Hank Pym, Ant-Man
This hair says: “70 is the new 50.â€
How to achieve this look: Age backward, somehow.
2016
The Combat Farrah
Who wore it and when: Natasha Romanoff, Captain America: Civil War
This hair says: “There’s no emergency so important that you can’t take 40 minutes in the bathroom first.â€
How to achieve this look: Find out about an impending crisis. Plug in your flat iron and wait for it to preheat. Section your hair into layers, secure with clips. Respond to the increasingly urgent text messages wondering where you are with, “Got held up, be there as soon as I can.†Working bottom to top, use the flatiron to curl each layer of hair away from your face. You’ll get there when you get there.
The 40 Years in the Desert
Who wore it and when: Stephen Strange, Doctor Strange
This hair says: “I have forgotten the face of my father.â€
How to achieve this look: Forget the face of your father.
The Triple Topsy Tail
Who wore it and when: Kaecilius, Doctor Strange
This hair says: “I don’t know why I own this Topsy Tail Tool, but I might as well use it.â€
How to achieve this look: Section your hair vertically into thirds. Secure with those fold-over brass crimp ends you ordered from Etsy. Gather into a single ponytail at the nape of your neck. Now break out that Topsy Tail Tool you bought off an infomercial in 1993. Stare at it for a while, trying to remember why it’s in your possession, since you were rocking a curtain cut in the ’90s. Decide that this path leads only to madness. Flip that pony.
The Paradox
Who wore it and when: Stephen Strange, Doctor Strange
This hair says: “This should not look good, yet for some reason it looks … very good?â€
How to achieve this look: Go gray, suddenly, but only on the sides of your head. Comb everything straight back, save for a dashing swoop in the front. Trim your beard into a neat goatee that inexplicably turns your chin into a work of art.
2017
The High-School Crush
Who wore it and when: Peter Parker, Spider-Man: Homecoming
This hair says: “Do you like me, check yes or no.â€
How to achieve this look: When you wake up in the morning and the alarm gives out a warning, you don’t think you’ll ever make it on time. By the time you grab your books and you give yourself a look, you’re at the corner just in time to see the bus fly by. It’s all right. You’re saved by the bell.
The Girl in AP Bio You Swore You’d Work Up the Courage to Talk to Before Graduation
Who wore it and when: Michelle, Spider-Man: Homecoming
This hair says: “Sometimes I tell people I’m in the witness protection program so I don’t have to tell them my name.â€
How to achieve this look: Attend a peaceful protest. Make a witty but scathing sign. Tie your natural curls out of your face with the elastic band you keep around your wrist. Don’t concern yourself with the pieces that fall out. Add some ironic glitter to your sign.
Your Stylist Was So Concerned With Whether or Not They Could, They Didn’t Stop to Think If They SHOULD
Who wore it and when: The Grandmaster, Thor: Ragnarok
This hair says: “Must go faster.â€
How to achieve this look: Fashion your beautiful silvering hair into a faux-hawk. Hold it in place using the transcendent power of your charisma. It shouldn’t work, but you make it work.
The Brother, I Thought the World of You
Who wore it and when: Loki, Thor: Ragnarok
This hair says: “Maybe I am not the villain of the story after all.â€
How to achieve this look: Realize that the person who’s been holding you back all along is you. Take a shower, finally. Discover that your hair actually has some natural curl to it if it’s not weighed down by a gallon of gel. Tell yourself no more gel at all. Quickly admit you’re incapable of going cold turkey, and compromise with just a bit of gel. Flip your glorious black mane excessively during battle.
The … Wait, I’m Confused, His Hair Was Longer in Ultron, Are You Really Telling Me the Hulk Gets Haircuts?
Who wore it and when: Bruce Banner, Thor: Ragnarok
This hair says: “I don’t understand how my hair is shorter now.â€
How to achieve this look: I honestly have no idea? You were missing for two years and trapped inside a Hulk the whole time? Did your hair retract into your head? Is that a side effect of gamma radiation?
The Bouncer at the Club That Your Friend Claims He Knows, but He Totally Doesn’t Know
Who wore it and when: Heimdall, Thor: Ragnarok
This hair says: “You really think that $10 bill means something to me?â€
How to achieve this look: Dress entirely in burlap. Carry a broadsword. Grow stubble so thick it could stop a bullet. Style the rest of your hair into dreadlocks. Rock them like no one has ever rocked them before.
The Drunk Edward Scissorhands
Who wore it and when: Thor, Thor: Ragnarok
This hair says: “In hindsight, this was probably not a good idea.â€
How to achieve this look: Drink an entire bottle of whiskey. Get angry at the bottle for being empty and smash it against the nearest hard surface. Pick up one of the jagged shards, squint at it, shrug, and decide it’s time for a haircut.
The DIY Viking
Who wore it and when: Valkyrie, Thor: Ragnarok
This hair says: “Shield wall.â€
How to achieve this look: Divide your hair into three vertical sections. French braid the center one from your forehead to your crown. Get a cramp in your arm. Loudly proclaim that you were only ever going to braid the one section anyway, even though you were totally planning to do all three, and also no one is listening.
The Goddess of Death
Who wore it and when: Hela, Thor: Ragnarok
This hair says: “All shall love me and despair.â€
How to achieve this look: Dye your hair jet black using the filtered hatred of your enemies.
2018
The Yibambe
Who wore it and when: T’Challa, Black Panther
This hair says: “Hold fast.â€
How to achieve this look: Embrace your destiny as the rightful ruler of your country, look into the mirror, and sponge your hair like the goddamn gift to humanity you are. (Also, plan on hitting up the royal barber every two-to-three weeks, because a king’s life is full of obligations.)
The You Cannot Have a Bad Hair Day
Who wore it and when: Okoye, Black Panther
This hair says: “Wigs work better as distractions anyway.â€
How to achieve this look: Take it from Danai Gurira herself and just roll out of bed (after having already shaved your head “dolphin-smooth bald,†of course).
The Snow Queen
Who wore it and when: Queen Ramonda, Black Panther
This hair says: “I’m not saying I could turn you into a block of ice, but I’m also not not saying that.â€
How to achieve this look: Style your long hair into dreadlocks. Once you are pleased with the arrangement, command your hair to turn a stunning shade of ash-white using only your most regal voice.
The Give Me Your Throne
Who wore it and when: Erik Killmonger, Black Panther
This hair says: “Once upon a time, you were able to look at other things, but now you can only see me.â€
How to achieve this look: Grow your hair out for months, style the top into dreadlocks, and fade the sides and back. Work your look so hard you register on the Richter scale.
The GOAT
Who wore it and when: Shuri, Black Panther
This hair says: “I am limitless.â€
How to achieve this look: Know, in your bones, how important the A in STEAM really is.
The Pantene Pro-V
Who wore it and when: Bucky Barnes, Avengers: Infinity War
This hair says: “I love being clean so much it’s basically my hobby now.â€
How to achieve this look: Shampoo and condition your hair thoroughly. Air dry. Brush your hair for a thousand strokes while humming the opening song from Tangled.
The Dragon
Who wore it and when: Wanda Maximoff, Avengers: Infinity War
This hair says: “My armor is like tenfold shields, my teeth are swords, my claws spears, the shock of my tail a thunderbolt, my wings a hurricane, and my breath death.â€
How to achieve this look: Dye your hair the color of a sunset. Let it flow brilliantly over your shoulders like waves of fire.
The FINALLY
Who wore it and when: Natasha Romanoff, Avengers: Infinity War
This hair says: “I added up all the hours I’ve spent curling my hair and realized life is too short.â€
How to achieve this look: Chop your hair to chin length. Bleach it to platinum blonde. Throw away your curling iron.
The O Captain, My Captain
Who wore it and when: Steve Rogers, Avengers: Infinity War
This hair says: “Yes, I COULD have looked like this the whole time.â€
How to achieve this look: Grow out your beard, comb back your hair, and ascend to a higher plane of existence.
The High-School Crush That You Drunkenly Message on Facebook 20 Years Later, Whoops
Who wore it and when: Scott Lang, Ant-Man and the Wasp
This hair says: “I totally believe that you were just checking to see if I still had your Nine Inch Nails CD. I do, by the way.â€
How to achieve this look: Get older, but also, somehow don’t get older.
The FINALLY, Part 2
Who wore it and when: Hope van Dyne, Ant-Man and the Wasp
This hair says: “How has it taken an actual decade for a woman to pull her hair back while superheroing?â€
How to achieve this look: Pull your hair into a ponytail, secure with an elastic. Literally every long-haired woman on Earth knows how to do this, unless they’re in a movie.
2019
The CW
Who wore it and when: Carol Danvers, Captain Marvel
This hair says: “I have no imagination.â€
How to achieve this look: Flatiron curl your hair away from your face while binge-watching Riverdale.
The Mushroom
Who wore it and when: Maria Rambeau, Captain Marvel
This hair says: “My bangs go all the way aroundâ€
How to achieve this look: Tell your stylist you want the mushroom. While they work, recite the lyrics to “Creep.â€
The Corner Office
Who wore it and when: The Supreme Intelligence, Captain Marvel
This hair says: “Details of your incompetence do not interest me.â€
How to achieve this look: Tell your stylist you want something low maintenance that also strikes fear into the hearts of your enemies. Work your way to the top of whatever ladder you’re climbing by stepping regally over the bodies of lesser beings. Sip Champagne.
The Die Hard With a Vengeance
Who wore it and when: Nick Fury, Captain Marvel
This hair says: “Look, I have mother flerken hair now!â€
How to achieve this look: Invest several million dollars in digital de-aging.
The Fine Wine
Who wore it and when: Tony Stark, Avengers: Endgame
This hair says: “I improve with age.â€
How to achieve this look: Stop caring about covering up your gray hairs. Let your hair grow longer. Kneel down and let your daughter style it, running her stumpy fingers through and tugging up, up, up.
The Punitive Shave
Who wore it and when: Steve Rogers, Avengers: Endgame
This hair says: “If I have to suffer, you have to suffer with me.â€
How to achieve this look: Shave your beautiful, glorious beard for NO GOOD REASON.
The Apocalypse Ombre
Who wore it and when: Natasha Romanoff, Avengers: Endgame
This hair says: “I am so, so tired.â€
How to achieve this look: Experiment with a cute new look. Fail to prevent the destruction of half of all life in the universe. Decide nothing matters anymore. Let your roots grow out for a few years. Halfheartedly trim the ends yourself while sipping from a water bottle full of vodka.
The Decimation of the Patriarchy
Where’s the photo? Not available yet, so just imagine Annette Bening’s hair from above, but on Brie Larson.
Who wore it and when: Carol Danvers, Avengers: Endgame
This hair says: “HIGHER, FURTHER, FASTER, BABY.â€
How to achieve this look: Throw societal conventions into the garbage. Ask yourself who you are and what you really want. Realize that your hair has never really matched who you are as a person. Chop it all off using a blast of heat from your fingers.
The Get Help
Where’s the photo? Not available yet, so just imagine Jeff Bridges’s hair from The Big Lebowski, but on Chris Hemsworth.
Who wore it and when: Thor, Avengers: Endgame
This hair says: “Seriously, please, someone help me, this isn’t funny? I’m in pain? WHY ARE YOU LAUGHING?â€
How to achieve this look: Fail tragically at the thing you thought was your purpose in life. Suffer an existential crisis. Fade into obscurity. Subsist on beer and sadness. Project your guilt onto your hair. Allow it to grow free and wild, until it is your defining characteristic.
The Crisis Brony
Who wore it and when: Clint Barton, Avengers: Endgame
This hair says: “To live is to suffer.â€
How to achieve this look: Hit rock bottom. Wander desolate streets with no real destination in mind. Watch a tumbleweed as it blows by. Happen upon a barbershop. Go inside to find the barber laboriously sweeping up a pile of ashes. Stare at each other across the void. Sink slowly to your knees. Whisper, “Do your worst,†as a solitary tear traces down your cheek.
In conclusion, the MCU hair chronicles serve as a textbook example of “better does not always mean good.†Long live Pepper’s bangs.