Hannah Gadsby’s promotion for her new live show Douglas got off to a rocky start when she visited The Late Show with Stephen Colbert on Monday. When comparing the new show to Gadsby’s 2018 special Nanette, Colbert asked, “Are there punchlines in this one?†Which honestly isn’t an entirely unfair question, all things considered, but still, savage, Steve! Gadsby had one very topical punchline on hand, a modest proposal that could change the face of public-health crisis management as we know it: “At the end of it I encourage people, you know, who don’t want to vaccinate their children, that instead of having children, perhaps they should get a pet rock.â€
Like the Sarah McLachlan of rock rehoming, Gadsby then proceeded to show off some charming, highly adoptable, unvaccinated pet rocks that she’d made available as merchandise. The naturally measles-resistant scamps included side-eye Chloe and Stephen’s favorite, the very noble and dignified Raphael. Douglas will drop on Netflix sometime in 2020, and you can watch the rock spiel in the above video around five minutes in. In the meantime, Gadsby will be in New York performing Douglas at the Daryl Roth Theatre until September 7, so if you want to adopt an unvaccinated pet rock of your very own, you know where to go. You can draw your own chicken pox on it and everything. How can you say no to those googly eyes?