In a shocking turn of events, Haleigh has finally returned to Mustique, while Lara is so sick that she has no choice but to prematurely bid us adieu. I was convinced that Haleigh wasn’t coming back due to how little the minds behind the show seemed to care about her, but I’m glad we got to see a bit more of her, considering she hasn’t had much screen time. And yet it’s tragic that Lara has to end the season this way, since she’s been the MVP. Bravo would be stupid not to bring her back in the future (and as bosun) because she’s both fun and hard-working, which is becoming increasingly rare throughout this franchise.
At long last, we’ve reached the final charter, so it’s only natural that the exhausted crew be thrown a few curveballs that derail their plan to end on a high note. Captain Sandy may have thought she dodged a bullet with Haleigh’s return, giving them the green light to go to sea, but the weather had a different plan in store. The radar indicates that there are strong winds that will prevent them from leaving the dock, which means the crew needs to work extra hard to make sure the charter is still memorable for everyone. When the guests — neurosurgeon Victor Awuor and his friends — arrive, they get a tour of the boat and excitedly talk about going Jet Skiing before Sandy kills the vibe and breaks the news that they’ll be stuck at the port for the entire charter. Cue sad trombone. The only person happy about staying at the dock is Max, who views it as an easy day off. He’s so real.
Obviously, the guests are pissed since they paid a discounted price to not be stuck in one place, and they voice their complaints every chance they get as if Sandy and the crew can magically improve the weather conditions. And the more they whine, the more Sandy enters micromanager territory. Tumi is tasked with coming up with creative ways to entertain them, but it quickly becomes clear that she is STRUGGLING and has zero clue what to do for the guests. She and Luka Google things to do in Portofino but pass on every single idea, from Vespa rides (too dangerous, according to Tumi) to a lighthouse visit. I feel like Tumi ends up overthinking this too much because something as simple as taking them on a tour of Genoa to take in the gorgeous sights and culture would probably do the trick.
Sandy ultimately comes up with the idea to have Luka and Tumi take them out on the tender for a tour of the port after lunch. She also thinks that Kyle should join them instead of Lily because Sandy somehow still believes that he and Tumi are a dream team. Why she would think the sights of shipping containers, cranes, and other nearby boats would make the guests happy is beyond me. Luka dubs it the “world’s shittiest boat cruise†while a guest refers to it as “redneck yachting,†so a success it was not.
When they return from the boat, the guests are clearly still not happy and ask Sandy if they’re going to be able to do something that’s more fun and doesn’t have to do with drinking. Sandy doesn’t really have anything to say to make the situation better. A light bulb finally goes off in Tumi’s head shortly after, and she decides to hire some local dancers for the evening and take them on their requested Portofino beach club excursion via taxi the next day. If only she had thought of stuff like four hours earlier. Sandy also suggests that they plan a game night, which Tumi assigns to Lily since games have proven to be her “bread and butter,†though a marker does hilariously explode all over her while she makes the game decorations.
While the guests enjoy Jack’s dinner, the Italian dancers arrive and perform on the cramped deck during the second course. Everyone loves it, and Kyle gets turned on by the “sensual†movements. This evening may have saved the charter because Tumi says that she can sense the “coldness starting to thaw,†and I agree. However, it does spark one of the many awkward quarrels between married guests Stephanie and Jeff, who bicker the entire day about things like Jeff taking too long to get ready and Stephanie using her phone at the table and gawking at the hot male performer.
Lily’s fun game night — including Who’s the Best Dressed? (30 seconds to make an outfit out of the items she gives them) and the Cereal Box Challenge (seeing who can pick up cereal boxes with their mouths without bending their knees) — also helps keep the guests occupied and entertained. Perhaps a little too much since we (and Lily) get a glimpse of guest Laura’s ass a few times thanks to the slit in her dress. Lily’s outgoing energy is much needed, and I love that she was able to bounce back from her rough start and will (hopefully) end the season, proving that she was a great asset to the team.
Elsewhere, Captain Sandy mentions to Kyle that she can tell Natalya is gone because of how messy and unorganized the laundry room is and that she misses Nat. This annoys Kyle, who tells us that hearing Natalya’s name is “triggering†since it brings back the bad memories of what went down between them. Why is Kyle still acting like he’s entirely the victim in the situation, as if he didn’t also berate and bully Natalya and the other crew members??? He thinks that Sandy wouldn’t feel the same way if she knew his side of the story, but that still wouldn’t excuse his behavior.
Speaking of the person whose presence continues to haunt us despite having left ages ago, Natalya is making her comeback in next week’s finale to get the last laugh. While Luka thinks he’s back in a good place with Jess (who he’s planning a post-season trip to Cannes with) after the Katie Flood debacle, he’s still acting like the fuckboy he is by sexting Nat, which he seems to view as harmless. Jack has also kept in touch with his bestie Nat, who texts him that she’s “passing through†Genoa, which is just code for “the producers brought me back to stir more shit.†With such an otherwise boring season, who can blame them?
The next morning, Jack FaceTimes Nat and invites her to join the crew for drinks during the final night out, and they agree not to tell anyone beforehand. Natalya has nothing to lose at this point, so I expect mayhem and hope this turns out to be as dramatic and “explosive†as it’s being teased to be. But I simultaneously have little faith and patience, considering it means we’re going to have to end the season with more of Kyle’s bitching. However, getting to witness what goes down between Luka and Jess as a result might be worth it.