romancing the beef

Every Bobā€™s Burgers Valentineā€™s Day Episode, Ranked

Photo: Fox

Bobā€™s Burgers is all about love ā€” be it romantic, familial, or between friends ā€” so itā€™s no surprise that the Valentineā€™s Day episodes have been such consistent highlights over the years. Whether the Belchers are heading out for a group Valentineā€™s Day adventure or Bob and Linda are attempting a romantic evening of their own, each special has something to love.

Unlike Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas, the Valentineā€™s Day episodes are a little rarer (though not as rare as the one-off Easter and St. Patrickā€™s Day episodes). There have been only eight since the show started doing holiday episodes in season three, but it means that each Valentineā€™s Day episode is fully thought through and inventive, rather than a perfunctory take on the holiday. The episodes often follow similar grand themes: Bob and Linda usually try to make a romantic gesture toward each other despite being tired, and Tina typically fixates on her romantic ambitions regarding Jimmy Pesto Jr. As younger kids, Gene and Louise often donā€™t get too many overarching plots (they get to shine in Christmas and Halloween specials), but itā€™s always fun when an episode figures out meaningful and authentic ways to incorporate them.

With Valentineā€™s Day almost here, weā€™re revisiting all the Belchersā€™ Valentine adventures. From Bob and Lindaā€™s attempts to spice up the holiday to the kidsā€™ respective entanglements, here is every Bobā€™s Burgers Valentineā€™s Day episode, ranked.

8.

ā€œBed, Bob & Beyondā€ (Season 9, Episode 13)

One issue that automatically knocks a Bobā€™s Burgers special down a peg is when a beloved holiday slot is relegated to a storytelling episode. The formula ā€” wherein each Belcher child tells a fantastical, pop-culture-inspired tale ā€” is fun and has its moment almost every season, but it feels like a misuse of a holiday episode. This is the case for ā€œBed, Bob & Beyond,ā€ which mostly takes place in the Belchersā€™ car. Bob and Linda get in a fight about dirty laundry, so Linda suggests a family outing to watch a rom-com. The kids, meanwhile, try to figure out a way to tell their parents that they broke Geneā€™s bed by jumping on it. When the screening is canceled partway through because of a small fire at the theater, the kids take turns telling what they think happened in the rest of the movie in an effort to cheer their parents up on the car ride home (and subtly suggest that breaking a bed isnā€™t that bad). While itā€™s a cute premise and Bob and Lindaā€™s spats are always intriguing, it ultimately feels like a waste of a Valentineā€™s episode.

7.

ā€œCanā€™t Buy Me Mathā€ (Season 5, Episode 11)

In ā€œCanā€™t Buy Me Math,ā€ Tina and Darryl decide to fake-date each other and attend the Valentineā€™s dance together in an attempt to catch the attention of their respective crushes. (Tina, as always, is pining after Jimmy Jr.) But when they win the danceā€™s Cupidā€™s Couple award, Tina realizes that she might have developed some not-so-fake feelings for Darryl and is reluctant to let him go. Bob and Linda, meanwhile, try to work their way through a Valentineā€™s date Advent calendar with varying degrees of success. Their romantic endeavors culminate in Bob doing a striptease for Linda to the horror of the outdoor diners across the street, who can see the whole performance through the window. Itā€™s a sweet, fun episode and ranks low on this list only because other episodes are just a little more clever and memorable.

6.

ā€œFerry On My Wayward Bob and Lindaā€ (Season 12, Episode 12)

When a customer invites Bob and Linda to dine at her cool restaurant on the swanky Kingshead Island, the Belchers opt to elevate their laid-back Valentineā€™s date-night plans and leave the kids home with a babysitter. The pair dress up but find themselves in trouble when the ferry drops them off on the wrong side of the island and they have to make their muddy way to the much-anticipated Tomato Shack. The kids stay behind with frequent babysitter Jen (voiced by longtime Bobā€™s Burgers writer Wendy Molyneux), who they realize is striking up a romance of her own with a mild-mannered notary. While itā€™s never going to be the first thing that comes to mind when you think of Bobā€™s Burgers Valentineā€™s Day episodes, ā€œFerry On My Wayward Bob and Lindaā€ is an entertaining and adventurous changeup for the Belchers after so many Valentineā€™s Days.

5.

ā€œThe Gene and Courtney Showā€ (Season 6, Episode 7)

Geneā€™s propensity for making up songs gets him (and his classmate turned former flame Courtney) a slot making up jingles for Wagstaff Schoolā€™s morning announcements in ā€œThe Gene and Courtney Show.ā€ Down the hall, Tina is tasked with running the middle schoolā€™s Donations 4 Carnations fundraiser (to end world hunger or pave the faculty parking lot ā€” the two big issues) but finds herself in a pickle when she rips open all of the Valentineā€™s cards in a desperate fit to see who is getting sent a flower. Bob, meanwhile, finds himself in a pickle of his own when he realizes that he forgot to get the 200 carnations he was tasked with buying and sets out on a secret mission to find some (culminating in a pricey trip to the floristsā€™ market with Teddy). But the highlight of the episode is the final moments, which encapsulate the true essence of Bob and Lindaā€™s realistic romance when they admit that they didnā€™t get each other anything and decide to just go make out.

4.

ā€œMy Fuzzy Valentineā€ (Season 3, Episode 13)

The first Bobā€™s Burgers Valentineā€™s Day episode is an instant classic. ā€œMy Fuzzy Valentineā€ picks up on a rainy day when, on the ride to school, the kids tell Bob that his heart-shaped pancake for Linda didnā€™t quite knock Valentineā€™s Day out of the park. Looking back on some of his past gestures, he panics and sets off on an adventure with the kids to find her a worthy gift. They end up trying to track down an old ā€œLove Test-o-meterā€ gimmick from a dive bar where Bob and Linda had an early date, a task that proves to be trickier than expected when Lindaā€™s vengeful health-inspector ex gets involved. Linda, meanwhile, attempts to run an impromptu speed-dating event at the restaurant, but it goes off course and ends with her in police handcuffs. Bob manages to pay an exorbitant amount for the machine, only to realize that he misremembered whom he was on a date with. But Linda is touched all the same simply because Bob went to all that trouble for her. ā€œMy Fuzzy Valentineā€ only beats out ā€œThe Gene and Courtney Showā€ because of the sheer number of unforgettable lines, from Bobā€™s increasingly desperate search for the Test-o-meter to the speed-dating patronsā€™ strange flirtations.

3.

ā€œRomancing the Beefā€ (Season 11, Episode 11)

ā€œRomancing the Beefā€ is such a delight of an episode, released more than a decade after the show kicked things off. When Bob and Linda decide to rebrand their restaurant as a chuck-steak-serving date spot (ā€œUrgeā€) for everyone who forgot to make Valentineā€™s Day reservations, their wildest restaurateur dreams come true and they become a wait-list-worthy hot spot for the night. With Tina off at an antiā€“Valentineā€™s Day party, Gene and Louise are left to help out their parents (and try to make an extra buck) by upselling roses and songs (culminating in an amazing outro tune), and the whole family works to distract persnickety health inspector Hugo (again, Lindaā€™s ex) when he appears to have been stood up for a date at the restaurant. With the restaurantā€™s mounting success, Bob and Linda worry that they wonā€™t get a chance to celebrate Valentineā€™s Day with each other but eventually say their Valentines out loud and conclude that theyā€™re happiest when theyā€™re just working together.

2.

ā€œV for Valentine-dettaā€ (Season 8, Episode 8)

Bob and Lindaā€™s plans to romantically surprise each other with discount adventures take a turn when Tina comes home almost catatonic in ā€œV for Valentine-Detta.ā€ They finally get the horrific truth out of her: Jimmy Jr. took the framed photo she gave him and replaced it with a picture of another girl, whom heā€™s instead taking out for Valentineā€™s Day. Linda decides that she needs to use the limo adventure that she got for their date to instead take Tina and Louise out on a girlsā€™ night on the town (leaving Bob and Gene to take a trapeze class together). Itā€™s there that they meet Nat the Limo Driver, an all-time Bobā€™s guest who enhances every exciting adventure-driven episode sheā€™s in. She takes the ladies for a night to remember and wins over Louiseā€™s affections as their evening turns into a revenge mission with a surprisingly touching finale. This episode finally leans into the fact that Jimmy Jr. is kind of an ass ā€” but so are many first middle school loves.

1.

ā€œBob Actuallyā€ (Season 7, Episode 9)

Bobā€™s Burgers excels when it leans into the niche, which is the case for ā€œBob Actually,ā€ when Bob attempts to take ballroom-dance lessons to impress Linda for Valentineā€™s Day. Teddy tags along, and the two find themselves stuck in the only class available: hip-hop. The gem here comes from instructor Shelly (who is definitely maybe supposed to be IRL hip-hop instructor Dena Rizzo), whose definitions of hip-hop (ā€œThatā€™s hip hop!ā€) and strange, supportive son Flips Whitefudge create an unforgettable experience. All of the other story lines ā€” Tina dealing with digestive issues as Jimmy Jr. attempts to make a romantic gesture, Lindaā€™s Fatal Attraction situation at the restaurant, Louiseā€™s fears that Rudy is crushing on her, and Gene falling in love with the schoolā€™s substitute lunch lady ā€” are excellent, but itā€™s Bobā€™s final dance outside the restaurant (with the help of Teddy, Shelly, and Flips) for Linda that makes the episode. Hilarious, heartfelt, and including an on-brand story for every Belcher, ā€œBob Actuallyā€ is the very best that Bobā€™s Valentineā€™s episodes have to offer.

Every Bobā€™s Burgers Valentineā€™s Day Episode, Ranked