Emily is practicing her (unwelcome and far too soon) apology and explanation with Mindy, who wisely tells her that “the more you say, the worse it sounds.†Weirdly, Mindy chalks up the reason Camille wouldn’t forgive Emily to the fact that Camille is French, which makes no sense. Have we not spent the whole series being regaled with all the ways in which French women are soooo laissez-faire about relationships, monogamy, fidelity, and other such quaint puritanical, how you say American concepts? I’ll say this, though: Emily’s crop top in this scene is very cute. (Her hair is still terrible, though we will later learn she has been using dog shampoo … perhaps we will see some improvement once she corrects that error.)
Our show has painted itself into quite the corner here. We are, I assume, intended to root for fair Emily’s redemption. But Emily did a shitty thing and then compounded that shitty thing with her ongoing treachery and denial, so Camille is totally within her rights to reject every olive branch Emily flings her way — especially considering Emily is still lying (to herself and to everyone else) about her goals and intentions here re: Gabriel. Emily’s is a very juvenile, if relatable, dream: All she wants is for everyone to like her all the time always no matter what she says or does.
In real life, I feel like Camille and Emily would never need to speak with each other again. Camille has only known Emily for what, three months? I cannot tell how long she has been in Paris, but obviously Camille has an entire life, social circle, career, etc., that predates Emily’s arrival. But the fantasy of the show requires everyone to eventually get back to getting along somehow, so I’m very curious to see how they get us to that place. I’m also dying to know if the writers read all the criticism of the series and realized they needed to make a character into an audience surrogate to basically tell Emily how much she sucks. Which, hilariously and in an extremely satisfying turn of events, pretty much everyone in this episode does! The only person who doesn’t think Emily is the worst and/or needs to change her behavior is Gabriel, who is, as we know, even worse than she is.
Speaking of Gabriel: I love that Camille shoved Gabriel’s precious omelette pan into the toilet, which means he will, alas, have to wash it with soap and water. Absolutely brilliant. Really, everything Camille says and does in this episode is so savvy and thoughtfully petty. Because Emily is obviously into Gabriel even though she swears she isn’t, she schleps his cast-iron pan (those things are so fucking heavy) all the way to his restaurant to dramatically return it to him, rather than just leaving it outside his apartment door. Emily accuses Gabriel of “hiding†from Camille. I mean, yes, but also she wants to be left alone so at least he is respecting her boundaries, unlike you, Emily!
Alas, Emily cannot hide, because Camille is at Savoir for a meeting. Emily is playfully mean to Julien, and I’m like, Girl, you cannot afford another enemy right now. In a perfect and genius power move, Camille insists that the meeting be run in French. Honestly, I know the whole show is in English for our benefit, but it is very odd that these meetings weren’t being conducted in French to begin with. Emily has hidden her cute crop top under an unfortunate green gingham-checked oversize blazer. Emily wants to explain herself to Camille; Camille tells her to fuck off, as is her right. Emily, incapable even of using her context clues to know what’s going on, leans on Sylvie’s translation of this rejection. Sylvie, whose dress is great. Sylvie, who again has never been wrong, tells Emily to learn French.
I actually laughed out loud when Emily discovered she was the only student in her class to not move up to French 2. She walks into the classroom, where she is to choose a partner with whom she will exclusively speak French. It feels obvious that this is the moment where she will meet a new hot guy, and she does, thank God. But their exchange here confused me: It seemed like he didn’t want to partner with her, but by the end of the episode, when she goes to his desk again, he’s like, “I knew you’d be back,†so are we to take it that she passed on working with him? And more generally, why is Emily so averse to the prospect of just … meeting a hot person … and dating them … in a normal way? Anyway, she pairs up with Petra the shoplifter for a little detour I found sort of tedious because obviously the show is not going to put Emily in the vicinity of a conspicuously handsome man and not have her wind up being his study buddy. Though in the interest of finding opportunities to be kind to our anti-heroine, I will note that her lipstick looks great.
Over at the drag bar, Mindy gets plucked from her Dame Pipi life by a couple of guys in a band. She later learns they don’t have “gigs†so much as they busk in scenic Parisian locations, and again it’s a whole sequence that feels like a very strange use of Mindy — not because she shouldn’t be singing (she should!), but everything in a show this tight (30-minute episodes, praise be) needs to serve character and story or it’s pointless, so the song choices that take up several minutes of screen time should actually be meaningful or interesting or relevant somehow — or at least be French? Why is she singing “All by Myself†when she is having the exact opposite emotional experience, that is, she has connected with two bandmates and is no longer working alone? Anyway, great job not being totally upstaged by a mime.
Back at Savoir, Emily is being left off Camille’s calls — again, strong power move by Camille. Luc offers to take her to a classic French film, which, knowing Luc, I thought was going to be porn, but it’s François Truffaut’s Jules et Jim. Before the movie night, Emily picks up a new client: leeks. This humble root vegetable is ready to be the next Brussels sprout.
Emily ruins her inoffensive outfit with a black-and-white checkered bucket hat (with a crystal charm on it!?) and yellow half-gloves that I found extremely distracting as she and Gabriel essentially eye-fuck over a cooking segment. (Was this episode actually brought to us by leeks?) Emily doesn’t think she and Gabriel should be spending time together, and I ask … why not? I mean, I know why I think they shouldn’t be together (he is trash), but she doesn’t think he’s trash, and anyway, Camille hates both of them, so why not just hook up? Burn the bridge, let it go! But no, Emily cannot do the thing that would be easy and fun.
Time for FOOD METAPHORS: Leeks cannot be rushed. “Keep the heat low and take it slow,†Gabriel says. I wonder if perhaps this is advice a person should follow outside of the kitchen as well?? Emily tells Gabriel that Camille is icing her out of her life; Gabriel’s like, “Yeah, I mean, just let her do that, I don’t care†(paraphrasing), but will Emily listen to this? No, and worse: Under her influence, Gabriel will ignore his better instincts and just swing by Camille’s work (!) uninvited (!!) to plead Emily’s case (!!!). Ughhhh. Emily announces that she is “a girl from Chicago who can’t magically transform herself into someone who can sleep with her friend’s boyfriend and not care.†Emily, you do not need a magic transformation … you already did this, and you did not care until you got caught. Emily wants Gabriel to lie to Camille and say their sex meant nothing. I do not understand why she is so hell-bent on getting these two incompatible people back together!!
When Gabriel shows up at Camille’s gallery to beg her to not blame Emily, Camille says, “It’s not like she tripped and fell on your dick.†Gabriel “just wants everyone to get along,†by which he means he just wants to be able to have sex with whomever he wants and have no one hold him accountable for how his actions make them feel. Camille, the only adult in the room (besides my beloved Sylvie), tells him that this act would’ve charmed her five years ago, but it’s time to grow up.
Emily and Luc hit the cinema. I’m pretty sure there weren’t even captions, so Emily obviously had no clue what was going on. She says she liked it but was frustrated by all this theoretically avoidable confusion. Pots and kettles, Emily. Against all counsel and good judgment from every single person she has spoken to on this matter, Emily decides to write Camille a letter — in French. She pens this personal note while at the office on work stationery. “What’s ‘I didn’t know he was your boyfriend when I kissed him’ in French?†she asks, helpless. I love Sylvie’s response to Emily asking if her sentence is “grammatically correctâ€: “It’s definitely in your voice.†As Emily sticks this note in an envelope, I write, “Good lord at least let someone proofread it you moron.†But no, Emily has the note delivered to Camille — at work! Jesus, let the girl get her job done! Can she have no peace — and we see, in the style of Jules et Jim, Emily’s near-incoherent attempts at an apology.
At the office, Emily is finally wearing a cute and appropriate work outfit as she pitches “Le leek, c’est chic!†as the tagline, which, you know what, it’s not terrible. But the clients are underwhelmed. Of course, Luc has an idea that involves a lot of nudity. Sylvie pops in to divulge a secret among French women: boil leeks and drink it to lose weight. “Magic leek soup.†Emily is appalled, insisting Americans care about health and wellness. But everyone else tells her that no, what Americans love is a fast and easy fix. HMMM. Emily escalates from soup to cold-pressed juice, and boom, they have a winning product. She feels icky about it, but I hope this at least taught her that collaboration leads to the best ideas.
The mailman comes through the Savoir office with a response from Camille. The best part of this is when he asks Sylvie if she’s Emily Cooper and Sylvie goes, “How dare you.†Sylvie translates Camille’s reply, which includes this impeccable sign-off: “Leave me alone, you illiterate sociopath.†WOW. 10/10, I have no notes.