Welcome back, my little baddies! It is a thrill to be reunited with our reality- TV villains for another episode of foolishness, scheming, and debauchery. Unlike one of the other celebrity-reality “all-stars†shows about to start airing its limp third season (according to the first two screeners I watched), Bravo’s increasingly inessential Winter House, the House of Villains cast jells wonderfully, throwing themselves headfirst into making compellingly messy television. So, let’s settle in, clear our thoughts, and get ready to smooth our brains.
Last week, we left things with a cliffhanger in the form of Omarosa putting Jax Taylor (the superior Vanderpump Rules alum currently competing on the small screen — see Tom Sandoval on The Masked Singer and Special Forces: World’s Toughest Test for reference), Corinne Olympios (whose Bachelor lead is also competing on Special Forces … sensing a trend of reduce, reuse, recycle among talent here?), and Shake Chatterjee on the Hit List. “Kill or be killed … win or be a loser forever,†Omarosa says in summation to kick off the episode. This is also what I tell myself when trying to leave the house after multiple days indoors, but I’ll let the queen have the quote.
We learn that New York has grown fond of Corinne because “the woman fetches my coffee in the morning; she gives me all the bathroom time I need.†Their bond of convenience is amazing and fleeting and a little treat for the viewers. I said it last week, and I’ll say it again: Tiffany Pollard should be on TV 24/7.
It’s a new day in the workroom (sorry, force of habit), and Jax is caffeinating and talking about his income, of which a shocking $450,000 — his figure, not mine! — has come from Cameo alone. He also tells Shake that his wife, Brittany “Rawt in Hellâ€Â Taylor, netted a cool $2 million from her recent Jenny Craig spokesperson campaign. It’s important to note that Jax is a serial liar and sunglasses thief, so these figures could be inflated, but even if they’re pumped up, they make me very sad and … what is that sound? Oh, it’s the death knell of my journalism career as I sell out and search for the lowest-stakes reality show that’ll cast me.
Shake, wisely, privately notes that Jax shouldn’t be flapping his gums about all his income because the cast will start to wonder if he needs the House of Villains prize money — a paltry $200,000 compared to Jax’s Cameo big bucks. Put a pin in this line of thinking!
And then unpin it because Shake immediately runs and tells the rest of the house his plan to vote out the seemingly Very Rich Jax, without realizing Jax is standing six feet away listening to his every word. “I’m everywhere,†Jax says calmly. “How do you talk about somebody and not make sure that they’re not listening … are you dumb?†Bobby Lytes says to himself in the mirror during step 28 of his skin-care routine (drop the skin-care routine, Bobby, your face is glowing).
Joel gathers the cast for a twist that is a truly unwelcome blast from the pandemic’s past. “Please welcome Joe Exotic … ’s nemesis, Carole Baskin,†the host says with a grin before the cat-loving villain appears via Zoom (truly, this is a pandemic relic top to bottom). Carole tells the villains that there’s redemption (???) at the end of that “dark tunnel,†adding, “One day you’re the villain, and one day everyone realizes you were the hero all along.†A note for my editor: Can I dock the episode two full stars for this lowercase-c cameo? (Editor’s note: No.)
The Hit List crew gets the intel about the first redemption challenge, and it’s a golf-cart race called “Blind Trust,†in which each person up for elimination must drive the cart blindfolded while the person “they distrust the least†— who they’ve chosen to be their passenger — helps them navigate the course. This show really could’ve made these challenges dumber and less strategic, but I love how they’re leaning into alliances and gameplay — it really heightens the drama.
Shake chooses Johnny Bananas, who helps him to the best of his ability to pick Jax off. Corinne picks Bobby, who is incapable of helping her from backing the golf cart up for the first ten seconds. Karlie Kloss may have looked camp right in the eye, but House of Villains editors are grabbing camp by the throat with their brilliant musical cues throughout this sequence. Jax goes last, with Johnny Fairplay very clearly and gleefully sabotaging him in the passenger seat. “I should’ve done my research on these shows,†Jax tells a producer who informs him Fairplay was literally invited to House of Villains because of his history of sabotage. “My manager told me to do that!â€
Shake wins the redemption challenge, meaning he’s off the Hit List, leaving Corinne and Jax up for the final vote, and what ensues is a house-wide scramble. What puts House of Villains ahead of the pack is the fourth-wall breaking constantly happening. Here, it’s Fairplay flashing back to a Survivor confessional where he says anyone not taking every advantage possible is a fool; of course, he sabotaged Jax, an “amateur†with a “500-pound bench-press advantage over everyone else.†What puts House of Villains even further ahead of the pack is when Jax comes and smashes the remnants of the broken fourth wall, telling the camera that he comes from Bravo, where we “face-to-face do this shit right on-camera and call each other out.â€
Corinne is upstairs campaigning with the women in the house for her spot and safety. “Jax is a direct threat because of his physical … umph, if you will,†Corinne says astutely. “We can’t have him umph-ing around in our competition.†Why this woman has never been the Bachelorette is beyond me — she is beauty, she is grace!
Shake calls Jax a bully. Jax tells Shake he degraded women on national television. Pot called the kettle black. Self-awareness was nowhere to be found.
Meanwhile, Bobby is getting blackout drunk in the jacuzzi, and Bananas, sensing an opportunity to light Bobby’s game on fire, cosigns his decision to wake the house up and act a fool. As someone whose sleep is sacred, I have to admit that this is a genius move from Bananas because I would vote for Bobby as soon as his name came onto the Hit List.
Before we make it to the Banishment Ceremony, Bananas cooks garlic bread and pasta for the house, to which Tanisha offers my favorite line of the night: “This look like Food Network or nah?†She continues (note: the following misnaming of the very show she’s on is her exact quote): “Sometimes I’m like, ‘Is it 600-Pound Life or House of Supervillains?†Thank you, E!, for bringing her back into my life.
At the Banishment Ceremony, Joel McHale opens the floor up to comments about Jax and Corinne. New York, licking her lips, raises her hand and unleashes unrehearsed reality gold: “This one right here,†she says, pointing a manicured finger at Jax. “I see your heart, and it’s ruthless, it’s black, it’s ugly, and I know why you’re in this house: Because you’re a demon, and you’re a demon possessed.†If I could bottle everyone’s reactions and open that bottle whenever I’m sad, I would be the richest man in the world.
And that’s our episode! We’ll find out next week whether Jax or Corinne gets ejected from the competition, and judging by the chairs they have to strap themselves into, I do believe they’re getting ejected from the House of Villains. Also next week: Danielle “Is Bye a Threatâ€Â Staub, icon, legend, songstress, and villainess extraordinaire of Real Housewives of New Jersey fame, joins the house for what looks like a guest appearance. My popcorn is ready!
The Villains’ Attic
• Jax’s snoring has been a minor plot point in both episodes, one I’ve been loath to mention as a snorer myself, so this is a message to both my husband and the haters: Life happens! So does snoring. Let us snore! I can’t believe Jax and I are an “us†now!
• We learn Jax is in a “car club†and that he and his buddies go “cruising†every Sunday. Jax and I are no longer an “us.â€
• Bananas seems to base his entire personality around charming others, laying it on extra-thick with the house’s eligible ladies. Anfisa, the 90 Day Fiancé alum, isn’t buying it but confesses behind closed doors that she’ll appease his ego to go along with the game. I’m glad to see her finally wake up and use her secret weapon, even if it’s, in the eternal words of Jenna Maroney, her sexuality.
• The dinosaur statue in the backyard sports a clock on a chain around its neck, giving a lovely homage to New York’s Flavor Flav–loving origins on Flavor of Love. A nice wink!
• Tanisha is so far removed from her Bad Girls Club days, and it shows. You know what that is? Growth.