Sometimes you think things in the Bravo universe are going to shift on their axis only for them to end up exactly where they were in the first place. Just look at Kim Zolciak and Kroy Biermann, who called off their divorce this week just two months after the announcement, seven weeks after Kroy shaded Kim in his new Insta bio, and a day after RadarOnline released police body-cam footage of Kim after an “aggressive†Kroy locked her out of the house. Their show Don’t Be Tardy was always like the reality version of a family sitcom, now I feel like the show is about two people who hate each other who are stuck in the same house because they can’t afford to sell it.
Also stagnating is Real Housewives of New Jersey, which will start filming in August. This past season was a bit of a slog as we entered the 12th year of Teresa Giudice and Melissa Gorga’s feud, which seems as unkillable as drug-resistant gonorrhea or Grey’s Anatomy. The reunion was nearly unbearable, but worth it to watch two women who were clearly done with each other — or, well, not quite. The cast of season 14 will be exactly the same as season 13, including both Teresa and Melissa. The only people who are going to be fighting more than those two are Kim and Kroy.
But there is one thing in the Bravo-sphere that is about to change dramatically: RHONY. The all-new reboot starts this Sunday, and in this newsletter we’re going to meet the new women and look back at the very first episode of RHONY to see how it compares. But first, and girl you knew this was coming, we have to talk about Kyle and Mauricio.
—Dame Brian Moylan, President and Founder of the Housewives Institute
Good-bye, Kylericio?
What we talk about when we talk about Kyle and Mauricio’s separation.
When my phone goes off repeatedly in my pocket for more than a few minutes it can mean only one thing: Bravo drama. Well, sometimes it means my husband’s repeatedly butt-dialing me with Instagram video messages, but usually it means someone on Bravo got arrested, divorced, or caught cheating on their girlfriend with their best friend. Scandoval was the only time my phone vibrated as hard as when People announced Kyle Richards and Mauricio Umansky are separating after 27 years of marriage — and on July 3 no less. Hello! Gossip writers need holidays too!
Watching this whole thing play out was a great illustration of what’s happened to Bravo culture in a post-Scandoval world. While all my contacts were mourning the fleeting nature of true love in text chains and DMs, those with TikTok weren’t caught unawares. Rumors had been swirling for weeks about Kyle’s relationship with new friend Morgan Wade, an openly lesbian country singer, with fans combing through their social-media posts to see who was tagged in which photos at a family wedding, how often Mauricio and Kyle had been commenting on their posts, and all sorts of other digital breadcrumbs to show what they believed to be the truth: that Kyle was leaving Mauricio for a much younger woman. (There’s a great breakdown of the theories and evidence here. I’m not gonna lie, I’m kind of convinced, but naturally it’s all guesswork.)
Speculation got so intense that Kyle and Mauricio had to issue a joint statement on July 4 when they should have been enjoying some of Kim Richards’s famous chicken salad. “In regards to the news that came out about us today … Any claims regarding us divorcing are untrue,†it reads. “However, yes, we have had a rough year. The most challenging one of our marriage. But we both love and respect each other tremendously. There has been no wrongdoing on anyone’s part. Although we are in the public eye, we ask to be able to work through our issues privately. While it may be entertaining to speculate, please do not create false stories to fit a further salacious narrative.â€
There are a few things about all of this the Institute needs to address. The first is the inclination of fans to go full-on amateur detective like they’re Misty from Yellowjackets. (She is the best character on the show and the second season was amazing. We will not be taking questions at this time.) After Raquel and Sandoval’s lightning-bolt necklaces, it now seems like everything is a clue in some major drama that’s just waiting to be uncovered — Kyle and Mauricio can’t just have a strained marriage, she has to be having an affair with a woman — and I worry this isn’t a sustainable way to engage with the shows. Yes, it’s fun, but if we’re spending all of our time trying to read the tea leaves just to figure out the tea, will it even be worth it when the show airs? What if we find out, as one popular TikTok theory posits, that Morgan is actually Kyle’s AA sponsor and that’s why they got so close so suddenly? If that’s true and there’s no funny business going on, we’re sure going to look like fools, right?
Kyle, for her part, seems to be officially fed up with this sort of behavior. When she posted a picture of her whole family together at the wedding of Kim’s daughter Whitney, one fan wrote, “We love ‘damage control’ Kyle,†implying that Kyle posted the picture of her and Mo in close proximity to dispel the rumors TikTokers were feasting on. Kyle responded, “If y’all like to read into every single crumb, read into this 🖕 .†(Okay, the finger I understand, but the y’all? Is it because they’re all wearing cowboy hats from Kemo Sabe?) But what really struck me about the couple’s non-denial denial statement — that wasn’t even written on Notes app, the audacity! — is the sentence saying, “We ask to be able to work through our issues privately.†Know who would have loved to work out their issues privately? Denise Richards and her husband. Know who else would have loved to work out her issues privately? Erika Jayne. Kyle certainly didn’t have any trouble airing those issues quite publicly.
Being a reality star, which both Kyle and her husband are at this point, is about working your issues out publicly, even the difficult ones. We don’t tune into these shows to watch Kyle just tool around in her improbably small motor vehicle, we tune in to see her sister accusing her of stealing a house in the back of a limo. Kyle has given us a lot over the years: her struggles with eating disorders, her struggles with her family, her struggles trying to keep her husband off of the weed gummies on group trips to Hawaii. But this is a big one and, I’m sorry, just because she doesn’t want to talk about it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t.
Speaking of which, the first cries on Twitter in response to the news were, “I need Andy and a camera.†Yes, the crew of Vanderpump Rules got cameras up again in the wake of Scandoval and that made total sense. Not only was it a huge story, it affected the entire cast — we needed to see how everyone would deal. But we can’t let this become the expectation every time there’s breaking Bravoleb news. Yes, we want to see what Kyle is going through, but what does the rest of the cast have to contribute to this? Do we really need Crystal Kung Minkoff to get off her couch to go talk about Kyle’s marriage? Maybe! But probably not.
Still, fans got their wish and filming has resumed, but maybe this has less to do with preserving the story and more to do with keeping the Bravolebs in line. Sandoval was clearly waiting until filming wrapped to possibly dump Ariana and start his relationship with Raquel for real. That didn’t go according to plan. In February, Robyn Dixon got called to the principal’s office (a.k.a. Watch What Happens Live) when she talked about her husband Juan’s infidelity on her podcast while actively trying to keep it out of the last season of RHOP. This is a strategy as old as time (remember when Countless Luann essentially signed her divorce papers in her town car on the way home from a RHONY reunion taping so she wouldn’t have to tell Andy about it?), but it seems to be happening more frequently and Bravo wants to quash it. After all, what good is Kyle’s separation if it can’t be used for content and entertainment?
There is a lot of drama in this separation already, we don’t need to make any more where there isn’t. At the same time, a good reality star should know their position, and that is to either “mention it all†on television or get another job. What I’m saying is, as fans, let’s let the whole thing play out. Yes, we’re all excited for another Scandoval, but we can’t jump the gun. But if you ever want to talk about Bravo drama, know that my phone is always on vibrate.
Meet and Greet
Just exactly who are all of these women on the new RHONY?
The day that the first three episodes of the RHONY reboot arrived in our inbox was declared a working holiday for all employees of the Housewives Institute, and we took the rest of the day to just enjoy them, let them wash over us, and then seethe alone in our bedrooms that no one else we know has seen them so we had no one to gossip about them with. That’s why I’m taking this opportunity to gossip about them with you before you’ve even seen the show.
In the first episode the women gather in different configurations to talk about their most recent drama — why some of the ladies didn’t want to go to a certain restaurant — but Jenna Lyons also hosts an all-cast party at her incredibly chic SoHo pad. There’s plenty of action, but we don’t get a lot of time to learn about each of the women individually, so here’s the CliffsNotes version of each woman’s bio before you watch. Don’t say you weren’t warned
Sai De Silva
Tagline: “In New York, there’s a lot of bad apples but I’m the baddest of the bunch.â€
Where She Lives: Brooklyn
What We Like About Her: As Momma Dee would say, she doesn’t give a rip about anything.
What We Dislike About Her: Her confessional blunt cut.
Her Bestie: Brynn
Her Enemy: Erin
Where the Money Comes From: Both she and her husband run her lifestyle brand Scout the City. She’s billed as an “influencer†but only has 400,000 followers (and that’s after the cast reveal).
Ubah Hassan
Tagline: “The secret ingredient? Darling, it’s me.â€
Where She Lives: Columbus Circle
What We Like About Her: She has great style and seems like a really good time.
What We Dislike About Her: Her wackiness comes off as inauthentic
Her Bestie: Her hot sauce.
Her Enemy: She’s currently too wacky to have one.
Where the Money Comes From: She has a hot sauce brand called UBAH HOT, which is one of Oprah’s Favorite Things, but, girl, that can’t be paying all the rent.
Erin Dana Lichy
Tagline: “I’m a true New Yorker. The only bull I’ll take is by the horns.â€
Where She Lives: Tribeca
What We Like About Her: Her clothes give off-duty model like no one’s business
What We Dislike About Her: She seems kind of generic. I mean, just check out her New York Times wedding announcement.
Her Bestie: She wishes it was Jenna but it’s probably Jessel.
Her Enemy: Sai but also cheese.
Where the Money Comes From: She sells real estate, the husband is a lawyer with his own firm, but based on their apartment and Hamptons home, I’d guess this native New Yorker has some family money. Maybe from her father, a former investment director?
Jenna Lyons
Tagline: “My lashes may be fake but I definitely keep it real.â€
Where She Lives: Soho
What We Like About Her: Her hair, her clothes, her apartment with an elevator that opens right into it, her Hamptons bungalow, her vintage Mercedes — did we mention her clothes?
What We Dislike About Her: She will make you hate everything about your life.
Her Bestie: A warm cup of coffee and a book in a comfy chair on her Hamptons porch.
Her Enemy: Opening up for the camera.
Where the Money Comes From: Michelle Obama’s sweater sets, duh!
Jessel Taank
Tagline:  “I always bring the flavor. It’s not my fault you don’t have any taste.â€
Where She Lives: Chelsea
What We Like About Her: Currently, not much. She is the first Indian Housewife, though, so that’s nice.
What We Dislike About Her: It’s unclear if she’s cut out to be a practitioner of the Reality Television Arts and Sciences.
Her Bestie: Erin
Her Enemy: Relevance
Where the Money Comes From: She’s a fashion publicist, but it seems like her husband, the financier, might have bumped her up a few tax brackets.
Brynn Whitfield
Tagline: “I love to laugh, but make me mad and I’ll date your dad.â€
Where She Lives: West Village
What We Like About Her: Her hair is always perfect.
What We Dislike About Her: She might be trying a little hard to bring the capital-D Drama. Also that she’s not related to Shereé Whitfield.
Her Bestie: Sai
Her Enemy: All these bitches.
Where the Money Comes From: Apparently my dad!
RHONY in the Rearview
Looking back at the original premiere, the show is almost unrecognizable.
Remember Alex McCord and Simon Van Kempen shopping for leopard-print gowns in a tiny boutique? Remember Ramona Singer’s hot tennis pro taking off his shirt? Remember Bobby Zarin (RIP), our sweet immaculate angel, trying to bond with his step-daughter, Ally? If you tuned in for the Real Housewives of New York City premiere on March 4, 2008, then you certainly do because all of those iconic moments happened in the very first episode. Since we’re essentially getting a whole new RHONY premiere on Sunday, I thought I would look at the differences between our last premiere and the upcoming one.
The biggest difference is that in season-one episode “Meet the Wives,†we met the wives but they were each siloed off into their own individual universes. We essentially go around the horn and meet each of the women in turn. Here’s Ramona talking about her business buying clothes and then selling them to discount outlets. (This may be the only time we’ve ever heard Ramona talking about something other than guys, her bad opinions, and how Bethenny will probably ruin this relationship too.) Here’s Jill showing us around Zarin fabrics. Here’s Bethenny in her sad little one-bedroom apartment talking about how she thinks the Hamptons are “vulgar.†I wonder what future Hamptons house-flipper Bethenny thinks of that?
What we never get is the women interacting with each other. Jill is training with Ramona’s old tennis pro because she wants to meet Ramona at the First Annual Hamptons Backyard Classic they have planned later in the summer. But we don’t see the match. We don’t see them with anyone but their families and their own friends. In all of Ramona’s scenes — at the plastic surgeon, in her Hamptons house, at a UES restaurant — she’s with a different group of interchangeable blondes.
It’s a sharp contrast to the new premiere, in which we learn about the women while they’re interacting with each other. Jenna Lyons goes over to Jessel Taank’s house and meets her mother. While they all have a nice lunch, Jessel tells us about her life. And right from the get-go, we’re deep into the group dynamics: Erin Dana Lichy and Sai De Silva are already having beef over cheese. (Meat and cheese together? Definitely not kosher.) Jenna is also getting everyone together for a cast party, the better to start bitching at each other to their faces.
In another interesting point of contrast, the original, which launched just before the 2008 financial crash, was much more invested in conspicuous consumption and laughing at how these crazy rich people spend their money, going so far as to flash the prices of things on screen: $4.4 million is the average UES apartment, $30,000 a year for Alex’s French au pair, $1,800 for the Westie puppy that LuAnn (still with her capital A!) brings home to the kids. Now, we get to see Jenna Lyons’s gigantic, drool-worthy shoe closet, but then Erin, the realtor of the bunch, tells us how it’s only a good place for Jenna Lyons. The same show that was trying to take the piss out of Ramona for being so rich is now trying to downplay Jenna’s wealth, or at least make it more relatable.
But the most surprising thing about the original premiere, honestly, was Mario Singer, with more pepper in his hair than salt. That and a 12-year-old Avery Singer being embarrassed by her mother. And of course, our dearly departed Bobby. Watching the old episode, I don’t think about the past, I think about the present. I think about how much time has passed in my own life since watching the original. I think about how we made fun of Alex for living in Brooklyn back then, but we all live there now. I think about the city changing, the women changing, the format changing, the world changing, and me being just a tiny little cog in a great capitalistic machine. But when I watch the new season, I don’t reminisce about the past nor do I rue the present — I dream about the future.
Recap Highlights
A selection of the best Vulture’s Bravo Recaps Industrial Complex had to offer this month.
Luann and Sonja: Welcome to Crappie Lake: “This could have turned into a fight between Lu and Sonja Tremont Morgan of the Pads for Leaky Liposuction Morgans, but it doesn’t. This show upends everything we know about Housewives — the rhythms, the tropes, the conspicuous consumption — to create something shockingly nice. Dare I say … it’s downright wholesome.†[Season One, Episodes One and Two]
Real Housewives of Atlanta: “Marlo stays adamantly committed to Operation Take Down Kandi, defending her actions to Sanya, her feelings still hurt by Kandi’s “Fuck your flowers†declaration. Her delusions take over the rational part of her brain, and she says she interpreted it as “Fuck your nephew, and fuck his mom.†Sanya, who practically rode in on the fence she sits on, doesn’t tell Marlo how ridiculous she sounds but instead says that, at this point, she needs to leave it alone.†[Season 15, Episode 8]
Real Housewives of Orange County: “Wait, what? What did I just see? Whose ass is that in a thong and why is it hanging out and why is someone wiping it with a paper towel when it doesn’t even appear to be wet? Is this just practicing for being in the nursing home or getting a job in one? Is this Ryan’s other kink? Wait. Is Jenn an adult baby? That’s it. It’s canon. Jenn Pedranti is an adult baby. (Not really, but we can pretend.)†[Season 17, Episode 6]
Summer House: Martha’s Vineyard: “Jasmine and Silas’s relationship stands in stark contrast to the energy of the rest of the house — it’s as if they’re filming an episode of Married at First Sight while everyone else signed up for a Bravo show. The cracks in their relationship are on full display, and it reeks of the type of pandemic relationship that feels idyllic until you realize you have to put up with this person outside the love bubble created between just the two of you during the end of times.†[Season-One Finale]
Below Deck Sailing Yacht: “The next morning is the guests’ departure day, but not before Gary and Mads chat in the laundry room. Gary asks where they stand with each other, revealing his feelings for her. “I thought we were just having fun,†Mads tells him. Gary reacts as if it was his first time hearing her express this, even though she’s been clear about wanting no-strings-attached sex from the very first day. Bravo to the Bravo producer who reminds him of this.†[Season 4 Finale]