No, we did not get a Mr. and Mrs. Suave out of this season of Love Is Blind, but is anyone really surprised? The youngest couple in the D.C. cast had a rocky relationship from the start. Hannah Jiles initially dumped Nick Dorka in the pods (she took him back after he confessed his love in a way Leo Braudy couldn’t), and their second shot at love led her to make a literal list of his flaws in Mexico. Back home, Jiles and her friends voiced many, many concerns about how much Dorka needed to change in order to meet her expectations for a husband. It quickly became clear that this couple’s future together was like uncooked pasta in the fridge: simply not there. But did the relationship really need to play out the way it did? Jiles reflects on how her understanding of maturity has changed and what she learned from watching her friend Katie Bollinger’s chat with Nick.
You’ve acknowledged that, watching the show back, you were “cruel†and “demeaning†to Nick. Why do you think you didn’t recognize that at the time? It felt like you knew how to adjust your delivery when talking to his mom, for example.
What you’re not seeing is that I said it 20 times prior very nicely. You’re seeing me say it the 20th time pretty harshly. When you watch it, yes, my delivery was horrible. Some of the things I said I never should have said. I should have been a lot kinder. But I was very, very frustrated, and you’re seeing that frustrated self.
Has watching your interactions with Nick made you reexamine the way you act in other personal relationships?
I know people are like, Oh, your family hates you. But I have an absolutely wonderful relationship with my family. We’re very close. My girlfriends that you saw are some of my closest friends. I’m the type of person that would rather have four quarters than 100 pennies, so I’m a very loyal family member and friend.
Yes, I can be bitchy. I can be blunt. It’s inherently who I am; I’ve always been like that. I know I can be a lot kinder to everybody. I’ve known this my entire life. I’m the type of friend you text when you want to know if your outfit really looks good or not, so I think it’s a good quality sometimes. But there’s a time and a place to be blunt, and I’m learning to reel it back a little bit.
How would you define maturity? It came up often during your engagement.Â
In that moment, I thought maturity was being independent and having your shit together. In the grand scheme of things, is that maturity? Probably not. I brought it up a lot because I felt he wasn’t at the same level as me in adulthood or in a relationship. But maturity is more than that. I’m a very emotional person; you saw those emotions come out in the way I spoke. And I think maturity can also come with your cadence and how you speak to people. Emotional maturity is something I lacked for sure.
Do you stand by telling Nick that you turned him from a boy to a man?Â
[Laughs.] It was a little dramatic. I definitely don’t think I can turn you from a boy into a man in that amount of time. But I think it is valid because I was teaching him a lot of things that most men do: cooking, cleaning, finances, how to correctly be in a serious relationship, sex … There were so many different aspects of what you need to be a man, at least in my eyes, that I felt I was helping with. Whether I was or not, that’s how I felt in the moment.
At the Gatsby party, you were wary of Katie when she was talking to Nick. Do you still consider her a best friend?Â
In the pods, me, Marissa, and her were very close. We were called “the trio.†And we’re still very close to this day; our friendship is still good. That’s why that situation was so shocking for me. Best friend in the whole world — yes, it’s a crazy thing to say. But when you’re falling in love with someone that fast, you’re also finding friendships that fast. When we got back from the experiment, me and Katie talked on the phone every single day. We text every day, so she knows every single detail about the breakup and our relationship. She’s one of my closest friends.
What did you think of the advice she gave Nick on-camera?
I realized that the things I say are not wrong — I’m just going about it wrong, and Katie went about it in the right way. You have to remember Katie’s 36. I’m 26. There’s a ten-year difference there. You can see the emotional maturity she has that I lack. She’s saying the same thing I’m saying but in a lot better way. It’s a lesson of Okay, this is probably how I should speak to future partners.
What was your intent behind making that list of concerns about Nick on vacation? Were you planning to share it with him, or were you just gathering your thoughts?Â
My Notes app is an insane place to be in my phone. I write things down all the time. That’s a lot more private; it’s got a passcode. I didn’t have my phone or my Notes app during the experience. What did I have? I had a notepad in the hotel room.
It wasn’t just because of the duck situation that I wrote all those things. It’s just like, Okay, we’ve been around each other, I’m seeing these things happening, and I want to write them down so I can remember. I put it on my side of the bed and went away. He found it. It wasn’t on purpose. There’s a lot of things that are wonderful about Nick that I could’ve put if I knew he was gonna find it: He’s very patient, very kind, very loving, and very understanding. There’s a lot of good qualities he has. But I didn’t get to the pros yet.
You dated Nick and Leo in the pods, but things obviously ended poorly with Leo. How did you feel when you found out he and Brittany were not coming to Mexico?
I was definitely surprised. And, of course, I was bummed. I was dying to see what Leo looked like. But they didn’t get chosen, so I was like, Keep it moving. I was so focused on Nick that Leo wasn’t really … it’s almost like you forget about him because you picked someone else.
Nick recently said in an interview that you might have been projecting your own insecurities onto him. How do you feel about that?Â
I think Nick reads the internet and that’s where he got that from. [Laughs.] But when you watch it back, there’s definitely insecurities. We all have insecurities. Nick recognized that jealousy might be one of mine.
Speaking of the internet, there’s been a very vocal reaction to you online. What type of comments feel the most unfair to you, if any?Â
It is what it is. I let them say whatever they want. Just like how I spoke to Nick — that’s how I felt; that’s how I talked. If you really feel these horrible, mean things about me, okay. But I think the physical attacks were probably the most jarring. Like, attack my character — I can work on it. But saying all the cruel, cruel things about my body was a little harsh.
Now that the show’s over, are you working again?Â
Yes, I am employed now. The reality of the situation was my work would not let me take the time off, so I left my last job right before I went to film. I came back from filming, started applying for jobs, and it took me six months to find a job again. I wasn’t used to that. I think it gave me a different perspective on being more empathetic for people. I have savings, so I was okay financially, but mentally it was hard.
Ultimately, was it worth it to quit your job for this?
Absolutely. I always say that we’re brought into this world to think that we should accomplish, but the reality is we’re brought into this world to experience. And what better way to experience life than that? Sometimes you just have to take risks. I did, and I learned so much about myself. I’m so, so happy that I did it.
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