We are gathered here today not only as fans of Married to Medicine but as witnesses to one of the most chaotic weddings we’ve seen on Bravo. It’s in good company among other filmed marital unions, which have featured “misplaced†marriage certificates, romper wedding dresses, and bridal hair with 1,500 bobby pins. And it’s no coincidence that Johnnie Winston III, the event planner in this episode, also planned Kandi Burruss and Todd Tucker’s wedding on The Real Housewives of Atlanta. And I dare to go as far as saying that Johnnie is greatly responsible for creating the messy masterpiece that was Tea Lunceford’s wedding.
To fully paint the picture as to why I suspect Johnnie served as an unhinged puppet master, we need to travel back in time to 2016 when, after helping Kandi plan her African-safari-themed wedding, Johnnie resurfaced with a lawsuit for Mrs. Worldwide. Johnnie claimed that during his time as manager and program coordinator, Kandi failed to pay him for his services, that he was the originator of the concept for her Old Lady Gang restaurants, and that he came up with the idea for her play A Mother’s Love. Then, he turns to none other than Phaedra Parks for help. Phaedra didn’t end up representing Johnnie, and the case was eventually settled outside of court, but sitting with him on-camera and validating his claims was one of the ways she enacted revenge on her once-BFF after Kandi’s husband remained loyal to Phaedra’s ex-husband Apollo when he went away to prison.
Phaedra is a slippery character who tried to do damage control during her stint on season two of The Real Housewives: Ultimate Girls Trip — every time someone called her a “voice of reason,†my eyes rolled to the back of my head — but now that she’s back full-time, her nefarious ways are bubbling to the surface. Last week, she stepped fully into her villainy when she brought Quad to Tea’s pamper party, a move she has to answer for in tonight’s episode when Jackie and Heavenly visit her house. Though Tea is bearing the brunt of the hazing from the women as she’s on the bottom of the totem pole in the cast, there’s still some smoke left for Phaedra. The duo interrogates Phaedra on her shady move, but Phaedra stands by her decision, playing the semantics game like she usually does, emphasizing that Quad didn’t “come†with her; she merely “extended an invitation,†as if that makes a difference. Jackie asks if she still thinks it was appropriate, but Phaedra doesn’t budge, saying she believes Quad’s appearance “changed the atmosphere†and “ushered in a new spirit.†Heavenly can’t contain her cackles, and in her confessional, she says what we’re all thinking: Phaedra is full of shit, and she knows it.
But let’s get back to Johnnie, who is very busy now that Tea and Gregory’s wedding has arrived. Tea’s family pours in for the rehearsal, and we learn a bit about how they reacted to the couple’s 23-year age difference. Apparently, Tea’s mom, who is five years Greg’s junior, had reservations, but Tea’s father (who grossly looks a lot like Greg with the bald head, salt-and-pepper beard, glasses, and shared age group) was ecstatic that a psychiatrist with a history of abusing his ex-wife swooped up his daughter, which Tea finds hilarious. She says it reminds her of the old days when men would “trade their daughter for a cow†because her father was mostly happy that Greg had money. Ew. But she admits that she’s “been in the game†with older guys for a while now, so this is everything she dreamed of. Tea gives off the energy of that specific brand of woman who acts like a helpless fawn in the woods, who, despite being a full-grown adult, is just wandering aimlessly, waiting for a man to “lead†and provide. It’s hard to watch, especially since her savior is Gregory Lunceford.
Once the wedding day finally comes, Johnnie takes center stage, as he’s clearly been waiting for this moment. So much so that he’s literally wearing the same tux as Greg, looking like Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb. I’m sorry, but if my wedding planner showed up in the same outfit as the groom or bride (imagine a female planner in a white gown … hell no), the spirit of Shereé Whitfield would take over my body, and someone’s invoice would be left ignored, or at least significantly reduced. It’s obvious that he’s salivating for a moment, perhaps still burned over the fact that his time on RHOA made him look thirsty, and he’s using Tea’s wedding as a way to manufacture one. With him behind the scenes, I can’t help but view the entire production through a skeptical lens — it’s hard even to believe that his perfectly timed call at the bachelorette to inform Tea that the venue was asking for more money and her subsequent blowup wasn’t calculated.
Of course, Johnnie and Tea have a trick up their sleeves to ensure the wedding would make for a juicy reality TV moment. The guests — including Contessa and Scott, whose attendance reeks of another clout grab — start to arrive, but not everyone is allowed inside. In retaliation for Heavenly vocally questioning if Tea and Gregory are ready to get married, Tea takes Heavenly off the guest list, so she’s denied entry, which gave me flashbacks of Shereé leaving Nene’s name off her list in the first season of RHOA. This could very well be happenstance, but it seems like both Johnnie and Tea have been watching and studying these shows, hence her almost starstruck reaction to meeting Quad. In her confessional, Tea is open about leaving Heavenly off the list as an intentional move, saying she wanted to get her lick back and send a message to Heavenly not to mess with her. But that begs the question: Why was Phaedra, who is responsible for Quad coming to the bachelorette, allowed to enter, but not Heavenly?
Heavenly eventually weasels her way inside after Johnnie, clad in his white suit, swoops in, sprinting up the stairs so he can finally have his moment. When he gets to the lobby, Heavenly whips her phone out and asks Johnnie directly if she was invited to the wedding. He says that he was told that the couple did not want Heavenly there before returning to the ballroom for Tea’s entrance, dramatically moving around behind the curtains to fix her train since this is his moment, too, after all. I’m surprised he didn’t walk down the aisle holding a bouquet of his own. Then, right on cue, Heavenly saunters into the room at the exact moment Greg and Tea start to exchange their vows. It’s disruptive, or should I say perfectly planned, to say the least, as Toya already alerted the other women that Heavenly wasn’t initially allowed to enter. How Heavenly got in is unclear (probably Johnnie), and the wedding goes on without any other disturbances.
Although Tea’s wedding may have been crafted around her inclination to leave a mark on the show, it was amusing to watch. But it’s not exactly funny enough to garner a desire to see Tea remain on the cast. The shenanigans are entertaining because of how preposterous her presence is, to begin with, but watching her relationship and dealing with the jump scare that is Gregory Lunceford is starting to wear on me; having to rewatch the scene of him convulsing on the ground with spit coming out of his mouth during a counseling session with Quad was unbearable. I wouldn’t mind Tea joining the canon of iconically memorable one-season wonders like Jill Connors (what a throwback) or RHOA’s Kim Fields, who leave fans saying, “Remember that season when so-and-so was on the show?†But we have a whole season left to watch Tea’s fate unfold, so let’s buckle up and get used to the Luncefords.
Doctor’s Orders
• I hate the embroidery on Gregory’s white coat with a passion. Those big-ass ugly letters are just as corny as he is; he might as well have used Comic Sans as a font. How anyone takes him seriously as a doctor is beyond me.
• My girl, Dr. Alicia, got her own scene! It was barely a minute long, but it proves she indeed knows how to talk, and she’s actually kind of funny; her reenactment of Tea’s meltdown was so silly.
• I feel for Simone and Cecil — this generation of Black parents is definitely learning how to balance giving their kids privileges they never had while trying to motivate them to be independent. I see both sides as I feel Cecil coddles Miles, but Simone needs to understand it’s okay to help your adult children. However, I will say that as someone who was Miles’s age just three years ago, not having a wealthy safety net did light a fire under my ass to get my shit together.
• Does anyone else want footage from Toya and Eugene’s wedding? Like, what do you mean there was alcohol in their wedding cake? I need more information, stat.