Here’s what we’re gonna do, gang. We’re gonna wipe Mayfair Witches’s slate clean and start fresh so we can pretend that this was the real pilot. It’s not a perfect episode of television and I can’t believe we’re introducing all these new characters at this stage in the game, but there was an actual plot, sex and intrigue, and fire. I care far less about plot holes or random inconsistencies when I am entertained.
So what happened in “Curiouser and Curiouser� A lot of things, actually, starting with another opening sequence in Scotland again, which I have come to accept as one of those annoying little facts of life as long as I am watching this show. After the older Scottish lady dies from a classic case of being impaled by a wild boar, the younger Scottish lady is taken to the “true†funeral — a midnight, ladies-only hootenanny in the woods where I’m pretty sure I saw Goody Proctor dancing with the devil. Hey, you know who else is on a witch hunt? Whoever has been burning women “like us†at the stake in 2022 New Orleans, that’s who. Probably that medical examiner who we peeped zeroing in on Cousin Tessa at Deirdre’s funeral. The connections — I’m starting to see them now. All I needed was, like, four exposition dumps and some foreshadowing.
Rowan is still not my favorite character but of all the personalities she’s had in the past four episodes I like this one the best. Dr. Fielding now has an inquiring mind and at least a passing familiarity with the concept of guile. She also has the major hots for Ciprien Grieve. (You may have found this development a little abrupt, but I am treating this like a pilot episode, therefore I’m going with it.) Suddenly she’s having sex dreams about her supernatural bodyguard and, more scandalously, she’s touching his arm affectionately in public. Of note: Rowan is also having sex dreams about Lasher, who we are to understand in some way “owns†her now. I smell an ethically troubling love triangle coming on!
Like the prequel sequence, the A-plot of the episode takes place at a funeral — Deirdre’s — which is a great way to bring most of our major characters together, circle back on that necklace MacGuffin, and introduce a Wikipedia page of information about the Mayfair family and Rowan’s place in it. (Rowan promised Cip she’d go straight home and not to the reception after the service but, like, come on.)
One fun fact about Rowan is that she is the family’s new “designee,†which roughly translates to “witch princess.†With this title, Rowan inherits the family fortune, the family house, and the iron grip of a malevolent supernatural being called Lasher. Uncle Cortland wants Rowan to accept all of these things, including the ghoul, which is still a more attractive pitch than Aunt Carlotta’s. Aunt Carlotta throws a rosary over Rowan’s neck “for protection†and would like nothing more than for her great niece to GTFO before it’s too late and she has to murder her. “Things don’t end well for the women in our family,†she explains. Uncle Cortland wants a dance-in-the-woods-in-our-nightgowns type of funeral. Aunt Carlotta is very concerned about eternal damnation. They absolutely hate each other and they want Rowan to pick a side. To her credit, Rowan doesn’t seem to be buying what either of her creepy new relatives are trying to sell. At least not totally.
For a witch dynasty, the Mayfairs are oddly unguarded with their family lore and special gifts. Far from the taboo I’d expected, Lasher turns out to be a subject of open debate, even if Carlotta takes the tone of a stern Victorian mother who refers to menstruation as the Curse of Eve.
Carlotta can’t keep a secret even when she wants to. Her efforts to convince Rowan the medical doctor that she did not keep Deirdre in a drug-induced stupor for 30 years totally flop, and she even cops to the baby-snatching (sort of). Anything else Carlotta might have tried to hide about the previous 13 generations of Mayfairs has probably already been revealed by Cortland’s daughter Josephine, our exposition fairy and my new favorite character. She doesn’t want Rowan to get the all-important and currently unaccounted for necklace (the Lasher Leash, if you will), but Josephine still invites her to wander the house where she immediately finds it herself.
I suppose we should talk about Cip before we come to Carlotta’s final big swing, because the murder mystery is still going on. (Sort of … I think?) The Magic Cops have apprehended the man Ciprien saw get on the elevator with Deirdre and taken him to the padded interrogation room in the Magic Police Department. Cip is able to see that the guy is a hired assassin (but not the person who hired him) and then as Cip and the Big Boss are debating the possibility that the man’s current uncontrolled behavior could be caused by possession, his neck breaks and Cip sees Lasher walk out of his face. Now, I took this as an indication that Lasher was controlling this sad hit man’s body in order to murder Deirdre, but this is not the conclusion of the Magic Police, who deduce that Lasher killed the hit man to avenge Deirdre. It also no longer seems like Cortland is the murderer, because Josephine told him she has Seen (in the witchy sense) the culprit being punished. I really don’t know. This remains the most confusing, frustrating storyline in the series. Ciprien decides to do some research into Mayfair Lore at Magic HQ, because he does not have Josephine around to explain everything.
Meanwhile, now that Rowan has donned the Lasher Leash, Carlotta makes the thoughtful decision to just set the house on fire. Caregiving for Deirdre was too much work to do all over again, I guess. Especially since Carlotta has already murdered the woman who did the actual caregiving. Now, will Rowan escape before Carlotta has burned her alive, along with all the portraits of the family matriarchs? Will Ciprien survive Carlotta’s stab to the gut? We’ll have to wait and see.
Loose Ends, Predictions, and Concerns:
• “I love poached eggs!â€
• Odette brought Rowan a dress for the funeral but not shoes? So Rowan has to go wearing her sneaks?
• Did the Mayfairs get Rowan’s headshot ahead of this event? How do they all know that she’s the long-lost daughter the minute she walks in the church?
• Turns out Ellie was a Mayfair cousin, so that’s settled I guess.
• I refuse to learn the names of any more anonymous supernatural bureaucrats. There are too many.