Niles Abston’s Flawless Beard Took Time and Patience

Thanks to the coronavirus, comedians are now trapped at home like the rest of us, so we decided that while we’re all self-isolating, we’d do something a little different from our usual “Follow Friday� column. Instead of interviewing up-and-coming comedians we love on Twitter, we’re going live on Instagram every week to check in on some of our favorite people in comedy and get a firsthand look at how they’re handling the pandemic. So welcome to our new version of the column, now titled “Follow (From a Safe Distance) Friday.�

This week, I dragged poor Niles Abston (Girls Don’t Twerk to Jokes, The ClownCast, smoking packs of joints in the streets of Portland, OR) out of bed at an ungodly hour (10 a.m. PT) for a virtual chit-chat about how he’s holding up during the seemingly endless pandemic. He shared some excellent advice about waiting for your beard to connect, detailed the very specific factors holding him back from moving to New York City, and got nostalgic about the wouldn’t-work-today sketches and N-word usage on Chappelle’s Show. He also told us the story that inspired his favorite joke, complete with an explanation for the uninitiated: “I was at a Burger King and I was on the phone with my cousin, and before I ordered I was like ‘Alright cuz, I’ll see you later.’ And there happened to be a crip standing behind me. And if you know crips, ‘cuz’ is their word. Like, if you white and don’t understand gang culture, it’s like when you say ‘Voldemort’ when you not supposed to.�

You can find Niles on Twitter @NILES100 and on Instagram at @thenilesabstonshow.