ByBrian Moylan,
who writes Vulture's Housewives Institute Bulletin
Photo-Illustration: Vulture; Photo Courtesy of Jeopardy Productions Inc.
At the beginning of the summer, three contestants on Jeopardywere totally stumped by the simplest question about The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Why is it that Bravo worshipers like ourselves need to know things like arithmetic, grammar, and stupid bullshit about sports when most Americans don’t even know how many sitting presidents have been to the wedding of a former Real Housewife? (Answer: One.)
To celebrate our wealth of deep knowledge about the franchise we love, I asked members of the Housewives Institute to submit their own multiple-choice trivia questions so we could come up with the ultimate test of Housewife knowledge. You sure delivered: The Institute got more than 100 questions (some of them duplicates), and from those, I’ve selected the 30 best, funniest, and sure to stump. They get progressively harder, and if you get all 30 right, you win a prize. That prize is knowing a shit ton about the Housewives. It’s worth its weight in gold.
The Ultimate Real Housewives Quiz
How many can you get right?
Correct. Never forget that trip to Morocco.
Incorrect. Luann called them Herman Munster shoes, but they were indeed made by Louis Vuitton.
Correct. You can hear the GIF, can’t you?
Incorrect. It was Kenya Moore’s house with a white refrigerator that NeNe made fun of.
Correct. Congrats, you really listen. Dorinda would be happy.
Incorrect. If you picked "Drank and napped," you are technically correct, but she told everyone she cooked and decorated.
Correct. Not the kind of cuffs that the Countess wore, mind you.
Incorrect. How could you forget about the cuffs? You can still get them on her website for $148.
Correct. And thus the best of frenemies were born.
Incorrect. It was NeNe. You probably don’t remember, because it’s when she had long hair. I blocked that out too.
Correct. The kissing bandit of New York strikes again.
Will Smith has had two, Simon Guobadia has had two, Slade Smiley has had three, but it is Harry Dubin with four (Aviva Drescher, Luann de Lesseps, Sonja Morgan, and Ramona Singer) who wins.
Correct. This was a tricky one. Good job
Incorrect. Of course, Teresa Giudice yelled she was “engaged 19 times†right before the infamous table flip, but she has been engaged two times since then for a total of 21.
Correct. Named after LVP’s favorite member of NSYNC.
Incorrect. If you weren’t so naked wasted, you would know that it is Bass Lake.
Correct. This was a tricky one; you must be an RHOC OG.
Incorrect. While Ashley is often cited as the youngest Housewife, Jo De La Rosa, the former almost Mrs. Slade Smiley, was only 24 way back during season one of RHOC.
Correct. Unless you count her shitty home renovation, it’s all Gizelle.
Incorrect. Gizelle only had a shitty home renovation not actual poop anywhere outside of a toilet.
Correct. Wow, you are an OG just like Vicki.
Incorrect. You would think it would be to her favorite place south of the border, but you would be wrong.
Incorrect. It's Barton G., with outposts in L.A. and Miami, that the ladies have been to — including when Bethenny told Luann that life is not a cabaret.
Correct. She’s thrown plenty of shade, but no tableware.
Incorrect. Lisa threw one at Kim Richards, Ramona threw one at Kristen Taekman, and Brandi threw one at Eileen Davidson. That leaves just Dorinda, who will shout "CLIP!" but never threw a glass.
Correct. That’s why they call her “writer girl.â€
Incorrect. Good guess, but it was actually “writer girl†herself, Carole.
Correct. If only she were holding the winning hand on game night.
Incorrect. If only she were holding the winning hand on game night.
Correct. “Satchels of gold, Al Sharpton. She’s a vampire!†is also an acceptable answer.
Incorrect. Sorry, it’s St. John. After that visit, it sank into the sea.
Correct. And let us not forget Malibu Country.
Incorrect. It is actually CSI, but good guess.
Correct. Who else gets that poison out?
Incorrect. Nope, it’s Joe Gorga’s penis. You would think it might have a more Italian name.
Correct. You cannot be fooled.
Incorrect. Those Bravo episode namers are clever, and “Tomfoolery†wins.
Correct. Come on, Dana, light our fire.
Incorrect. It was a candle on the table. That’s what we loved about our Dana. Never gauche at all.
Correct. While all of the answers are correct, that is what Yolanda meant when she asked this question for us.
Incorrect. While all of the answers are correct, it's clear what Yolanda meant when she asked this question.
Incorrect. She made the edict in 2015, making the horrible COVID summer of 2020 her last good one. Maybe she can get a refund.
Correct. I’m sure you already know that the gate of his house is still in the opening credits.
Incorrect. It was the OC Angels, and they probably deserved their own reality show.
Correct. Since you know this, he probably haunts your dreams too.
Incorrect. Thomas Kramer was the man with all the creepy sculptures around his house whom NeNe fought with after her famous altercation with Kim on the tour bus.
Correct. Yeah, we just made Constance up.
Incorrect. It was Constance. Please tell me you at least remember Pickles.
Correct. Her Oscar is coming spring, summer, spring/summer.
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