You can never really be upset about the Great British Bake Off/Baking Show winner because they’re all so lovely. Going into the final, Prue says that all the bakers are equal. Matty, Josh, and Dan have all won Star Baker twice, and they all have a Hollywood Handshake. Prue! Why are you doing yourself dirty like that? The Hollywood Handshake is not an official distinction; it is not a prize. It is only there because people give it power, and for Prue to do that it only takes away her own power. I know some people think that Baking Show needs a villain. They’re not wrong, but for me, that has always been Mr. Hollywood himself.
But this review shouldn’t be about Paul; it should be about a very deserving man, one who always has a smile and is in the running for one of the most iconic titles in British pop culture. Of course I’m talking about the winner, Matty, and of course I’m talking about the Rear of the Year. I think he has a shot. I’m just Joshing. (Too soon?) Of course the distinction is the glass cake plate the winner receives, and Prue was right in her final assessment of Matty. Not only did he learn each week and finally peak as the competition ended, but he also did it with lots of laughs, cheeky smiles, and a cheerfulness that the show always exudes.
His journey to the end starts where it always does, with the signature challenge. This week everyone had a make eclairs. I think the “back to basics†season worked very well, and I’m glad that we got to see the bakers showing off a skill they should have mastered coming into the tent (making choux pastry) and doing it in an elevated way. As they’re about to hit the ovens, Noel says that because it’s the final bake, the judges would like all of the men to do their baking in the nude. I hate to say it, but GBBO/S recappers would like to see that as well.
As the gents are all battering their choux into a paste, we get the packages where we go back home and everyone talks about their respective families. Matty tells us that his fiancé Lara applied for him because he would never do it himself. When he baked brownies for his kids at school, he told them Lara did it because he was embarrassed of being a baker. He’s so sweet and unassuming.
Daddy Dan didn’t tell his kids that he was on the show until the night before the final when he had to tell them they were going to the carnival. That’s pretty hilarious but also a little sad. But what I really noticed about the package is we don’t see the wife much. Does that mean I still have a chance? I’m ready to be a stepdad, but only if you keep me sated with Victoria Sponges.
When Josh is at home, it is the last time for him to remind us that he got into baking because of his grandmother. He did not celebrate Christmas in the middle of the English summer (which has the same temperatures as most Christmases in the northern hemisphere), but it does seem fitting that it is Christmas time when this airs.
The judges seem to love everything about Josh’s two eclairs, and they look gorgeous, especially the coconut and mango one, which has little cubes of mangoes tweezed on the top of it like Josh just binged The Bear. Paul says it’s a little too sweet, but they both love his coffee and chocolate éclair.
Matty’s don’t look nearly as nice, especially the cut-up cherries on his Black Forest Gateau-flavored eclairs. They love his crisp-firm pastry shells and the cherry and chocolate concoction. They’re less keen on his Banoffee flavored eclairs, which is a take on a very English style of pie with bananas, cream, and caramel. Paul says the banana is great, but he’s not getting any caramel.
Finally, we’re onto Daddy Dan, and the chocolate slab he’s put on top of his salted caramel and praline éclair is so big it’s like a giant awning. Both Noel and Alison could stand underneath it and not get wet during the summer storm that is a-brewing. They think his pastry dough is soggy and that his fillings are grainy. I don’t know; it will be hard for Dan to return from this one.
For the technical challenge, the bakers must make a lardy cake slice, which is almost a parody of what a British dessert is. First of all, it’s called a “lardy cake,†which is the bubble and squeak of the pudding world. Secondly, it’s just lard, flour, sugar, and dried fruits. That is like literally every English dessert. The only thing that is missing is enough booze to knock Prue back into her statement necklace closet.
Josh is the only one who seems to master it and comes in first in the technical. Dan, who overcooked his lands second, and Matty, who undercooked and underproved his winds up last. That means that Matty is now the champ of the season without ever winning a technical challenge. Also, he and Josh seemed pretty close with both signature and showstoppers. This could have been the deciding factor, and it would have gone to Josh. But it did not. This proves to me what I’ve thought all along: The technicals don’t matter. Sure, they’re fun to watch, but they seem to have no bearing on who makes it to the finals.
Since the technical is moot, it seems like Matty and Josh are duking it out for the big prize. When they asked all the bakers who got kicked off the show, everyone (including our girl Saku, who we have missed so much) was too nice to give an answer, but those who did say Josh. Except for our Tasha, who gives the crown to Matty. She always knew what she was talking about.
The final challenge is to make a three-tiered cake that is an homage to the first bake they ever did. Daddy Dan is taking on the lemon drizzle, and he’s worried that Prue and Paul will say there isn’t enough lemon. Guess what? Prue totally does. As usual, Dan tries to do way too much, and many of the elements fail. He has white chocolate (which is garbage) collars, and they’re not big enough and don’t meet. He makes lemon macarons to go along the bottom, and he undercooks them and they look like the clocks in a Salvador Dalà painting. The judges loathe them, and Paul says he shouldn’t have included them. Also, the big macarons on the lower tier of the cake make it look squat, which is not what you want when trying to stop the show. Also, the macarons are an unforced error. You didn’t need to do an extra element, but once again, being overly ambitious is Daddy Dan’s fatal flaw. At least his haircut was on point.
Josh’s cake is an ode to his garden. Did you see in the post-win catch-up with all the bakers that he grew a giant marrow? I have no idea what a marrow is unless it’s in the middle of bones or an underutilized X-Men character, and I have no idea how he got it the size of a large swine, but Josh’s garden is not to be fucked with. He makes two different Victoria sponge layers, a spring-summer one with raspberry and rhubarb jam and an autumn one with apples. Each tier is a different color and a different season, but Josh had to rush the piping work so the outside looked like a kindergartener’s drawing of the seasons. The crowning glory, however, is a greenhouse made out of biscuits and boiled sweets, and it is the best thing about the whole structure. When they taste it, Paul damns him with faint praise calling it “adequate,†and Prue says that it “wasn’t his best shot.†Damn, Josh flubbed it in the final!
Matty’s winning showstopper really is magnificent; it is more slanted than a Fox News broadcast. That’s probably because Matty used a chocolate genoise sponge cake for his bottom and top layers that didn’t give the cake a firm base. But Prue and Paul say it is light, delicious, and one of the best chocolate cakes they’ve had in a long time. The middle layer is a lemon and rosemary cake with summer fruit jam, which they also love. Prue says it’s totally perfect except for the lean. What struck me was the decoration. The cake looked very Millennial Pink in a good way. Matty always struggled to make things look neat and tidy, and he says he got an art lesson from his fiancé where she showed him a technique to put different tones of colored buttercream on top of each other and smear them in a way that makes it look like the wallpaper at The Max.
Though it was slanted, that proved to be the winner for Matty, a laughing, smiling, giddy finale for a laughing, smiling, giddy champion. And if Daddy Dan needs any comforting whatsoever, my DMs are eternally open.