Heather Havrilesky Author Archive

ask polly Jan. 16, 2019

Ask Polly: ‘How Do I Decide What to Do With My Life?’I think that the answer, for you, begins with your shame.

ask polly Jan. 9, 2019

‘I’m Depressed and I Want to Leave My Perfectly Good Husband’You don’t want to talk about difficult things, like the fact that you’re falling apart.

ask polly Jan. 2, 2019

‘My Ex-Boyfriend Hates Me and It’s Messing Up My New Life!’You’re living inside his twisted perception of you.

ask polly Dec. 26, 2018

‘I’m Scared of Failure’You’re hidden, which doesn’t help.

ask polly Dec. 19, 2018

‘I Will Never Be Who I Want to Be’You’re playing a role that doesn’t suit you anymore.

ask polly Dec. 12, 2018

‘I Can’t Stop Comparing Myself to More Successful Writers!’You need to stop seeing the world through the lens of your fears.

mostess Dec. 10, 2018

Stop Throwing Terrible Holiday PartiesAnd start throwing parties the rest of the year.

ask polly Dec. 5, 2018

‘I Always Steal My Friends’ Boyfriends, and I Can’t Stop!’You’re telling an inaccurate story about how you keep falling into emotional quicksand.

ask polly Nov. 28, 2018

I’m Broke and Mostly Friendless and I’ve Wasted My Whole LifeWhen you live inside of your shame, everything you see is inadequate and embarrassing.

advice Nov. 22, 2018

‘How Do I Survive Staying With My Judgmental Family?’Give them your poker face and don’t say a word.

ask polly Nov. 21, 2018

‘He’s “Confused.” Should I Wait for Him?’Confused is a placeholder that could keep you in a state of limbo indefinitely.

ask polly Nov. 14, 2018

‘I’m Lazy, Reckless, and Addicted to Social Media. Help!’The way you’re processing the world is broken. If you don’t fix it, you’ll just keep creating new problems.

ask polly Nov. 7, 2018

‘I Am So Bad at Making New Friends!’Resist the urge to treat friendlessness as a personal failure.

ask polly Oct. 31, 2018

‘My Boyfriend of Three Years Just Ghosted Me!’Your ex-boyfriend strikes me as the kind of person who is acutely aware of his own feelings, but has very little knowledge of other people’s feelings.

ask polly Oct. 24, 2018

‘I’m Slow at Everything and It’s Ruining My Life’I think you have to work with what you’ve been given.

ask polly Oct. 17, 2018

‘I’m Obsessed With a Woman Who Doesn’t Want Me’You seem to want to get swept away in a fantasy without ever having to show up.

deciem drama Oct. 13, 2018

How Did the CEO Meltdown Become Ordinary?Why we couldn’t look away from Brandon Truaxe’s social-media collapse.

ask polly Oct. 10, 2018

‘Everything I Do Is Wrong’A lot of people — women in particular — feel unbelievably accountable to others.

ask polly Oct. 3, 2018

‘My Broke Boyfriend Wants Us to Live Together!’No no no no.

the kavanaugh hearings Sept. 28, 2018

Mediocre White Man Falls Apart and Is Promptly Put Back TogetherBrett Kavanaugh barely even had to try.

ask polly Sept. 26, 2018

‘My Ex-Best Friend Is Talking Trash About Me to Other People!’It’s understandable to want to know what others think of you, but at some point you have to recognize that you’re gathering information you can’t use.

ask polly Sept. 19, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘My Parents Don’t Love Me!’You don’t deserve to get hurt, over and over again.

silenced by a hashtag Sept. 16, 2018

I Was Admired By All, But Then an Angry Mob Came for Me!“My accusers won’t even acknowledge me or check up on me, to see if I’m okay.”

ask polly Sept. 12, 2018

‘How Can I Make Art When So Many People Expect So Much Greatness From Me?’It’s crucial to recognize that the work IS the end, not a means to an end.

culture Sept. 7, 2018

Don’t Look BoJack’s Gifted Horse-Lady in the MouthJust keep working, advises Lisa Hanawalt, who turned her freakiest passions into a thriving TV career.

ask polly Sept. 5, 2018

‘How Can I Believe in Anything, After So Many Shitty Things Have Happened?’When the stakes are high, trying to navigate your current, disappointing reality is the most terrifying thing of all.

ask polly Aug. 29, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘All of My Friends Are Terrible But I Love Them. What Can I Do?’Your old ways of doing things won’t work anymore.

ask polly Aug. 22, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘Should I Quit My Day Job to Write a Book?’It’s harder to finish creative work when you view it as a means to an end.

ask polly Aug. 15, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘I Like Myself, But I Hate Being Single’I can tell that you believe in yourself. But do you believe in love?

ask polly Aug. 8, 2018

‘How Do I Start Over Now That I Know How Damaged I Am?’Start by grounding yourself in reality.

ask polly Aug. 1, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘Should I Divorce My Extremely Frustrating Husband?’You both seem to like having someone to blame when things go wrong.

ask polly July 25, 2018

My Husband Dumped Me and Took My Business and I Don’t Know How to Move OnThe way you’re thinking about your pain and loss is making it harder for you to live.

ask polly July 18, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘Who Am I Without My Anger?’It takes a long time to learn how to feel your emotions without identifying criminals.

ask polly July 11, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘I Feel Empty’You have no connection to your success because you don’t know why you do what you do.

ask polly July 4, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘I’m a Single Mom and My Friends Walk All Over Me’You have to accept that other people have different priorities, values, and rules from yours.

ask polly June 27, 2018

Ask Polly: I’m Having a Hard Time Making Friends at My Fancy UniversityBlack-and-white thinking makes this situation worse.

ask polly June 20, 2018

Ask Polly: I Love My Friends, But I Hate Making Plans to See Them!You’re not just trying to escape the plans.

ask polly June 13, 2018

‘Someone Is Saying Bad Things About Me and I’m Losing Sleep Over It!’Eventually, we become so exhausted by games of make believe that we not-so-secretly relish the idea of making a gigantic, ugly mess.

ask polly June 6, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘Why Do New Mothers Hate Their Husbands?’Asking for what you want does not make you ungrateful.

offspring May 31, 2018

Why Did We Ever Leave Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood?A new documentary offers a chance to reconsider Rogers’s mission and examine why his message is still so hard for adults to hear.

ask polly May 30, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘I’m Starting a New Life, But There’s Pressure to Get It Right!’Eventually, your old self is going to crawl back into view.

ask polly May 23, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘My Son’s Girlfriend Is Keeping Me From My Grandchildren!’You probably have your reasons for disliking your daughter-in-law. But she is your daughter-in-law now, even without the law involved.

ask polly May 16, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘I Can’t Stop Being Angry at My Boyfriend for Moving Away’The story you’re telling yourself is inaccurate, and it’s hurting you.

ask polly May 9, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘My Mother Has Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer and I’m Falling Apart’Ultimately, only you can decide how you want to navigate this sickness with her.

ask polly May 2, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘Should I Dump My Toxic Friend?’It’s crucial to learn how to tell people what you will and won’t do for them.

ask polly Apr. 25, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘I Might Get a Big Job Offer, But I Don’t Want to Change My Life!’You have to tune in to your deepest feelings as you explore this possibility.

ask polly Apr. 18, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘I Want to Find True Love, But I’m Afraid!’You need to understand your truest strengths.

ask polly Apr. 11, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘My Boyfriend Isn’t Interested in Helping Me Out’You and your boyfriend are more alike than you might think.

ask polly Apr. 3, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘Should I Leave My Amazing But Incredibly Frustrating Relationship?’You can’t fix this. Because no matter how “good” you are, he encounters you as a threat.

ask polly Mar. 28, 2018

Ask Polly: ‘I Love My Boyfriend, But I Can’t Stop Cheating!’Romance cannot exist when one person is lying.