Heather Havrilesky Author Archive
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Heather Havrilesky

Columnist, the Cut.
See all their articles from across New York Magazine
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  1. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Wish I Had Old Friends!’You don’t seem to be talking about actual holes in your life right now that need to be filled.
  2. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘My Dad Doesn’t Appreciate Me Enough!’The “good” child, the fixer, is also someone who fixates.
  3. transitions
    ‘Mallory Is Not Gone’: Daniel Mallory Ortberg on Coming Out As TransThe beloved internet writer talks to Heather Havrilesky about his new identity.
  4. tv
    The Bachelor Finale Was Enough to Make You Nostalgic for Paradise HotelBring back the boozy-sexy-time indulgences of the early aughts!
  5. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘My Friends Keep Bringing Up My Sordid Past in Mixed Company!’What good is trust and intimacy and a long history of friendship, if you can’t ask for exactly what you want?
  6. ask polly
    How to Deal With Family ProblemsAsk Polly’s best advice.
  7. ask polly
    All Your Friendship Questions, AnsweredThe best advice from Ask Polly.
  8. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘How Do I Stop Myself From Sabotaging My Amazing New Relationship?’You can’t keep putting your best foot forward forever.
  9. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘Should I Meet With My Mom?’At first glance, you sound like someone who is extremely confused about reality.
  10. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘How Do I Get the Love of My Life to Take a Leap With Me?’Frankly, he’s right to be wary — your entire focus in life is on him.
  11. ask polly
    ‘My Job Is Making Me Sick and Miserable!’You are at the center of a dysfunctional ecosystem.
  12. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘My Idiot Boyfriend Claims I Want a Ring, But I Don’t!’But you do want something, or you wouldn’t be so upset about this.
  13. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘Is Agreeing to a Casual Relationship Undignified?’This is an impossible, neuroses-inducing trap for any woman.
  14. advice
    Writing for the Awl Was the Best Mid-Career Decision I Ever MadeOn loving what you do, taking a pay cut, and developing Ask Polly.
  15. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘Should I Have a Baby?’The main things holding you back from having kids are your worries and fears.
  16. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I’m Too Old for Love, But I Want It Anyway!’You’re angry at yourself for being a human with needs.
  17. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘Why Am I So Lazy?’Notice how deeply you’ve made messiness and procrastination part of your identity.
  18. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘How Do I Leave My Lying, Cheating Boyfriend?’You’re so used to living in a house of mirrors that the real world feels empty and lonely and sad by comparison.
  19. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I’m a Struggling Writer Whose Life Is Falling Apart!’Don’t just suck it up and be positive.
  20. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Can’t Decide on a Career and I Feel Like Garbage!’Everyone wants to know what their future will look like.
  21. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Can’t Sit Still.’You need to develop and nurture a good relationship with yourself.
  22. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Moved Back Home and No One Else Is Single!’You have to admit to yourself just how bad this feels.
  23. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Have Everything I’ve Ever Wanted But I’m Still Unhappy’You’re a classic self-blaming overachieving perfectionist.
  24. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Want to Be a Writer, But I Can’t Stop Wasting Time on Instagram!’Start paying close attention to how social media functions in your life.
  25. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I’m Dying But I Want to Be in Love’You shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting someone by your side.
  26. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Hate Men.’Most men are terrible, but don’t let them control your happiness.
  27. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘All My Friends Are Getting Married and Leaving Me Behind!’Having friends as an adult is nothing like having friends in your 20s.
  28. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Can’t Stop Obsessing About Finding Love!’Believing in love isn’t a personal failure.
  29. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Work Too Hard and I’m Still Poor and Miserable!’You have to decide to be good to yourself.
  30. diagnoses
    This Isn’t About Toxic Masculinity. These Are Sociopathic Baby-Men.Other human beings are utterly irrelevant to them.
  31. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I Can’t Deal With My Friends’ Drama Any More!’Learn to say no.
  32. suggestions
    How All Doctors Should BeStop acting like I’m a regular mortal, please.
  33. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘Tell Me Not to Get Married!’You value security a lot — there’s nothing wrong with that.
  34. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘Are You Happier Than You Were in Your Twenties?’Sadness doesn’t define you, even if it feels that way right now.
  35. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘I’m Staring Into the Void!’You’re absurdly sensitive and very afraid of the real world.
  36. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘Half of My Co-Workers Hate Me!’When you don’t like people that much but you want them to like you, it never works.
  37. ask polly
    Ask Polly: ‘My Ex Ruined My Whole College Experience!’Being obsessed with the wrong person can ruin anything.
  38. ask polly
    Ask Polly: I’m Obsessed With the Co-worker I Hooked Up With!He’s a trap. Stay away!
  39. advice
    Ask Polly: Nothing in My Life Feels Big EnoughCan you tell other people what matters most to you?
  40. advice
    Ask Polly: My Boyfriend Has ALS, and My Friends Are Making Things WorseRemember, death is always on the way.
  41. advice
    Ask Polly: I’m Scared I’ll Destroy My Marriage!Your fears will only break your marriage if you’re so ashamed that you hide them.
  42. advice
    Ask Polly: I Hate All Jobs!You aren’t wrong that offices can be miserable.
  43. advice
    Ask Polly: It Seems Like My Friends Don’t Like MeThey aren’t the right friends for you.
  44. advice
    Ask Polly: I’m Terrified of Having Kids!Parents are always telling horror stories.
  45. advice
    Ask Polly: I Moved for My Job, and It Was a Huge Mistake!Start by forgiving yourself.
  46. ask pollypalooza
    Ask Polly: Was I Wrong to Dump My Boyfriend?It’s incredibly lonely to break up with a perfectly great partner simply because you’re not sure.
  47. ask pollypalooza
    Ask Polly: My Friend Keeps Dating My Exes!Get this woman out of your life.
  48. ask pollypalooza
    Ask Polly: Do People Ever Really Escape Their Dysfunctional Families?We are who we are.
  49. ask pollypalooza
    Ask Polly: Do I Smoke Too Much Pot?Take a break and find out how you really feel.
  50. ask pollypalooza
    Ask Polly: He Wanted an Open Relationship. Why Wasn’t I Enough?You’ll be enough for the right person.
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