Ashley Judd Back With Depressing New Film!

Helen a Bummer for Judd: Ashley Judd will star in Helen, a Canadian-shot indie about a music teacher in the grip of a debilitating depression who can only connect with one of her downtrodden students. Say no more! We’re there with the large popcorn and the Sour Patch Kids! Judd’s comeback is all but assured! [Variety]

Aerosmith Limps Back to the Well: Longstanding megaband Aerosmith heads back into the studio to record a new album this November. Though guitarist Joe Perry is tight-lipped on details, Vulture can exclusively report that the album will contain sexual double entendres, shrill screams, and at least two insufferable ballads. [Billboard]

Bond Action Sequences ReBourne: Columbia hires Bourne-trilogy action designer Dan Bradley to create sequences for the 22nd James Bond film. Producers also plan to forgo their longstanding practice of hiring beautiful actresses to make room in the budget for more shots of Daniel Craig jumping, weeping, and driving cars backward. [HR]

A Cool $3 Mil for Ingmar: The Swedish government earmarks $3 million to preserve the works of recently deceased filmmaker Ingmar Bergman. In other news, Michael Bay and Brett Ratner misplaced a combined $3 million behind their sofa cushions over the Labor Day weekend. [Variety]

Somebody’s Show Was Renewed: TBS orders a second season of The Bill Ingvall Show! Okay, so that exclamation point wasn’t sincere. They can’t all be sincere. [HR]