Michael Bay Is the Alfred Hitchcock Our Era Deserves

Watts, Campbell for The Birds: Michael Bay remakes Alfred Hitchcock’s The Birds! Okay, so it’s not that bad. Bay’s Platinum Dunes production company will produce a remake starring Naomi Watts under the direction of Casino Royale’s Martin Campbell, so it’s more likely to be a well-made minor travesty than a catastrophe. [Variety]

Least Controversial Remake Ever: At the other end of the spectrum, Dark Horse Entertainment producer Mike Richardson tells IESP that his company is prepping a remake of the 1994 Jean-Claude Van Damme vehicle Timecop, to star someone other than the Muscles from Brussels. [IESB]

Collette to Enter United States: Toni Collette stars in Showtime’s new comedy The United States of Tara, about a woman suffering from a multiple personality disorder. Personas include a suburban homemaker, a promiscuous teenager, and even a male biker. Though this sounds horrible, the casting of Collette means we’re willing to give it the benefit of the doubt, though not so much so as to get Showtime. [HR]

Benioff Gets Heavy: Scribe David Benioff (The Kite Runner, Troy) will write a Kurt Cobain biopic based on the Charles Cross biography Heavier Than Heaven for Universal. The studio would not comment on whether they have secured the rights to use Nirvana’s songs, which would seem to be putting the cart before the horse a little. [Variety]

How Nas Takes Criticism: In today’s Up Yours News, Nas, responding to controversy over the title of his forthcoming greatest-hits album, has changed the title from Nigga to Nigger, probably causing Def Jam to wish they’d kept their mouths shut. [Billboard]

Lyonne in Leigh’s Two Thousand Years: The New Group will mount the American premiere of Mike Leigh’s play Two Thousand Years, with an ensemble led by Natasha Lyonne under the direction of Scott Elliott. No jokes, just glad to see Lyonne again. [Playbill]