Charlie Sheen’s been fired, but Two and Half Men has yet to call it quits, and the only way for CBS and Warner Bros. to keep their cash cow on the air is to find a suitable replacement for Sheen. Some names have already been bandied about (John Stamos, Rob Lowe), but we find these suggestions lacking the necessary ambition. Despite its wild popularity, Two and a Half Men is a truly mediocre sitcom, one that isn’t going to become funny with the addition of just any old competent, non-drug-addled leading man. (Sheen wasn’t writing this thing, after all.) No, for the show to become even incrementally more amusing, it needs to consider some outside-the-box candidates. We have ten suggestions for possible Sheen replacements, actors we think might elevate the show — or, at the very least, get us to tune in for an episode.
How can you draw women (and everyone alive in the eighties) back to Two and a Half Men after Charlie Sheen's public self-immolation? By bringing on Mo... How can you draw women (and everyone alive in the eighties) back to Two and a Half Men after Charlie Sheen's public self-immolation? By bringing on Molly Ringwald to stage a swoon-worthy Pretty in Pink reunion with her old co-star Jon Cryer! (One non-negotiable stipulation: Cryer would immediately have to wear his hair in a pompadour and dress in a lot of layers and hats.)
Paul Reubens has spent the last few years revitalizing his Pee-wee Herman character, which means he actually would have been a better replacement for ... Paul Reubens has spent the last few years revitalizing his Pee-wee Herman character, which means he actually would have been a better replacement for Sheen about a decade ago. Still, Reubens has proven himself to be an ace at exactly what Two and a Half Men needs: taking humor aimed at a pre-adolescent intelligence and make it enjoyable for post-adolescent ones.
Out with one erratic, highly paid comedian, in with another, much funnier one? Yes, please! Better to take a risk on someone like Chappelle than to en... Out with one erratic, highly paid comedian, in with another, much funnier one? Yes, please! Better to take a risk on someone like Chappelle than to end up with, God forbid, someone like Dane Cook.
According to Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin is all that elevates 30 Rock above being a "low-rent Two and a Half Men." While we think this is a smidge self-dep... According to Tina Fey, Alec Baldwin is all that elevates 30 Rock above being a "low-rent Two and a Half Men." While we think this is a smidge self-deprecating, we take her point: Certainly Baldwin, the working actor most able to create humor with line delivery alone, could elevate Two and a Half Men to at least a mid-range rent sitcom.
Two and a Half Men showrunner Chuck Lorre has worked with Roseanne Barr, Brett Butler, and Charlie Sheen, so we think it's fair to say he has a type: ... Two and a Half Men showrunner Chuck Lorre has worked with Roseanne Barr, Brett Butler, and Charlie Sheen, so we think it's fair to say he has a type: egomaniacal stars with addiction problems and a penchant for making slanderous statements in public. And he should run with that! Embrace your destiny, Chuck: Hire Courtney Love and you'll get at least a half-season of cooperative appreciation before things go splendidly off the rails.
We know that Franco isn't above working in television, and he's always on the hunt for another gig to add to his increasingly crowded schedule, so why... We know that Franco isn't above working in television, and he's always on the hunt for another gig to add to his increasingly crowded schedule, so why not? Bonus: He's already a fan of smutty sitcoms.
Whether or not you've found some of Charlie Sheen's odd statements to be anti-Semitic, there's something delicious about the idea of replacing him wit... Whether or not you've found some of Charlie Sheen's odd statements to be anti-Semitic, there's something delicious about the idea of replacing him with a Jewish comedienne. Plus, it would give Silverman the chance to seek revenge on 30 Rock (which recently satirized her) by crushing it in the ratings.
Charlie Sheen's Two and a Half Men character is a caddish musician who sleeps around and says inappropriate, vaguely misogynistic things to a laugh tr... Charlie Sheen's Two and a Half Men character is a caddish musician who sleeps around and says inappropriate, vaguely misogynistic things to a laugh track only he can hear. Basically, he's already playing John Mayer.
Take Sheen's shallow, jerky, womanizing character and replace him with a Kaling, an expert at playing shallow, jerky women, and watch the show's basel... Take Sheen's shallow, jerky, womanizing character and replace him with a Kaling, an expert at playing shallow, jerky women, and watch the show's baseline misogyny turn into something far more interesting. (Kaling,
suggested as a potential Sheen replacement by New York's Emily Nussbaum, is into it. Kaling tweeted "I'd be that chubby teens uncle, right? Avuncular cad is my wheelhouse!")
Maron's persona comes closer than anyone's on this list's to matching Sheen's — except, you know, better: smarter, hungrier, more tortured, more bitte... Maron's persona comes closer than anyone's on this list's to matching Sheen's — except, you know, better: smarter, hungrier, more tortured, more bitter, and, most of all, funnier. (Alternately, when Sheen has sobered up a bit, we'd settle for the Maron-Sheen podcast.)
