Universal: Oh my gosh Kristen, Bridesmaids did so well!
Kristen Wiig: Yeah, I’m really excited about it!
Universal: Hey, so…what are you doing this spring? Do you want to come over, get Annie and Judd and Paul and Melissa, maybe see what happens? Get the old band back together! Ha ha.
Kristen: Well-
Universal: Just the saying. Not an actual band. Although maybe that could work as a plot idea!
Kristen: I really don’t think it would.
Universal: That’s why you’re the writer! You star. Look at the two of us, riffing on ideas. We’re gonna make so much money. Like, Hangover 2 money. Kristen. Hangover 2 money.
Kristen: The thing is, I’m sort of working on other projects.
Universal: Waaalcome to Taargit! That’s you. Kristen, that’s you. Target Lady. Hey Kristen, when you write Bridesmaids 2, you should put her in there. And maybe another scene like that bridal store scene where you were all pooping. People really liked that.
Kristen: I’m not doing a sequel.
Universal: Except also in this one, you should finally all get to go to Vegas! What if - okay, we know we’re just a bunch of suits and you’re the talent - but what if the whole thing takes place in Vegas, IN THE FUTURE, and it’s also sort of a really slick female spy caper where they’re rescuing Alvin and the Chipmunks from an animal research lab, and we get the gals from Sex and the City to cameo as their spy coaches?
Kristen exits.
Universal: …right, but then how do we fit in Target Lady…hmm. Oh! She could be like the guru who gives the 11th hour speech to the spy team! It would be total girl power! And maybe they poop in Vegas? Kristen?…That’s fine, we don’t need her. This treatment is gold.