Fug Girls: The Best and Worst Outfits at the 2012 Golden Globes

This calls to mind a mental patient who hijacked Gaga’s Grammy egg. We can see more of her naked self than we saw of every other lady there, combined; between that and her wacky facial mugging, we find ourselves wishing American Horror Story would give Jessica Lange a long-lost niece.

Trust us, we’re just as surprised as you are that we like something that looks inspired by a Woodstock-themed prom. But the tie-dye on Gellar’s Monique Lhuillier is graceful and intriguing, and we love the dramatic cut and punch of color. The best way to make us realize we missed you is to come back with a bang, and she did.

We don’t blame Biel (and her pointedly naked finger) for wanting to dodge Timberlake engagement talk, since the current Us Weekly cover is all frowny about it. But wouldn’t she rather do so by giving us something better to talk about? Instead, she looks like a dowdy Havisham-in-training — even with that major slit up the side. Not exactly a better ending.

Remember that bold red from the Oscars eons ago? It feels like we’ve been crossing our fingers for another such knockout moment from Winslet ever since,  but she never quite gets there. Including tonight: This is dull, unflattering, and frankly, kind of matronly. Come on, Kate. You have the DNA. Use it for good.

Saying Salma Hayek looks good in a dress is a bit like saying macaroni and cheese is delicious. Still, this sparkly art-deco marvel hugs her in all the right places. We’d totally go dancing at this party, not least because we suspect it has an open bar.

The Homeland star usually wears something glittery — either strapless or with a plunging v-neck. This J. Mendel was an awesome flip on that, with a funky open back that’s as sexy as anything open to the navel. She’s as on target here as she is unbalanced on TV, and we’re down with both.

Last time we saw her at a major awards show, La Margulies was sporting a bodice covered in giant crystal blisters. Smart of her to bounce back in something as simple and streamlined as this. Bonus points for the bare back and smart green accessories. Thank God she pulled it together; it's so terrible when we fight.

Despite her enviable genes, Jolie has a tendency to show up places with them hidden underneath a caftan. Which is why it was so refreshing to see her pull out the big guns -- not a euphemism, we swear -- in this impeccably tailored, highly glamorous number. Just like a real movie star.

Apparently Mila decided she needed a break from the Best Dressed list. This Dior dress isn't bad — but nor is it breathtaking, which is a shame coming from someone who rocked the red carpet so hard last season that it almost gave us motion sickness.

The It Girl of the moment is a tiny little petite lady. How is it even possible to find a dress that is too small for her? And yet she appears to be wearing one. Another mystery of science.

Don't you think Octavia is super relieved that, on a night when she won a major award (for The Help), she was also wearing such a major dress?  She looks supremely pulled together in this lilac number, and we love her updo. See you at the Oscars, Octavia. The bar has been set.