The Best Frozen Moments of the 2012 Oscars

Science finally melded the DNA of Mr. Rosso and Tommy Chong, and it won the Oscar for Best Cinematography. Next the boys in the lab will set out to fuse Jim Ignatowski and Kramer and see if the result can score a MacArthur grant.

Earlier, Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez stuck their butts out at the crowd, burst out laughing, and Diaz admonished everyone to follow their anything-goes lead and "take a chance." Instead, Emma Stone went another way and was very funny and brassy in a well-written bit with Ben Stiller. Yes, but can she stick out her butt?

A roving cameraman thought he could catch Jean Dujardin at a non-dapper moment. Foolish cameraman! Does he not realize that Dujardin does hot yoga in a dinner jacket and clutches a martini even when sitting on the toilet?

Kenneth Branagh beams when Colin Firth praises him from the stage — and yet one row behind Branagh, Milla Jovovich curiously glares at the speaker with a "You'll get yours" scowl. What is her issue? Little known fact: Whenever Firth bumps into her, he can't stop going on about how much he loves her in the Underworld movies, and oh how it rankles.

Sometimes you don't intend to be a photobomber, but fate puts a host in front of you and — BAM! — you are thrust into photobombing history without realizing it.

Fred Willard has been doing the same shtick with that same grin for about 40 years now. And we would like to politely request that he do it for 40 more.

Jonah Hill smiles at Billy Crystal's "Hey, former fat guy!" monologue joke with the pursed lips of someone who does not like Billy Crystal's "Hey, former fat guy!" monologue joke at all.

The Best Editing winners for The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo get a giddy smile from Rooney Mara when they call her "Roons," revealing a surprising window into the goofy nicknaming that happened while shooting the dark film. Other names given on the set: David "A Finch to Grow an Inch" Fincher, Stellan "Skars 2 starring Larry the Cable Guy" Skarsgard, and Daniel "Actually, best leave him out of this, you never know how he's gonna react" Craig.

If you take the footage of Octavia's surprised rise to claim her Best Supporting Actress and play it backwards, it would look exactly like she were fainting.

When you're in six movies in one year, you have to work overtime to prove to people you're not spoiled by Hollywood. Hence, when Jessica Chastain's name was called out as a Best Supporting Actress nominee, she enacted the one-two shy punch of doing an "aw shucks" move and then bashfully burying her face in her grandmother's neck. Good thing she didn't appear in eight movies last year — then she would have had to go the extra "just a regular gal" mile and worn overalls while showing up with a jugband.

This face says, "Billy, I would love to laugh at your gentle ribbing during your Oscars song, but I can't hear a damned thing that you're singing. Please give me a signal when you are done and then I will begin Self-Deprecating Giggle Protocol B."

And white people everywhere tie themselves into knots wondering whether Billy Crystal donning full blackface makeup to do a Sammy Davis Jr. impression is now racist. It was a callback to his old SNL impression, but was it racist then, we just weren't a progressive enough society to know it? And how is it different from Fred Armisen's Obama impression? So many troubling, self-searching questions...so instead we'll focus on this one: When approached to do this skit, what did Justin Bieber ask first: "Who is Sammy Davis Jr?" or "Who is Billy Crystal?"