How Evil a Bond Villain Is Javier Bardem? Check the Blond Hair Test!

Blond Factor: 2. Dirty, with visible roots

Evil Factor: 2. Kidnaps a child, attempts to seduce another child, hangs with goblins, performs a cheesy Magic Dance.

Conclusions: Noticeable dark streaks or dye jobs of any kind really dilute evil and mark a villain as a poser. He doesn't actually hurt anybody, which is a tip that he's nothing but a pixie with a mischievious streak; that's about as evil as a rock star in a kid's movie can get.

Blonde Factor: 4, Platinum on top, dark on the sides

Evil Factor: 3. Communist, inadvertantly kills Apollo

Conclusions: Again, the brown hair shows a lack of villainous conviction. While we feel for Apollo and the entire Creed family, fighting is part of Drago's job description, it's not like he pummelled him behind the local borscht shop.

Blonde Factor: 4. Golden, with roots peeking out.

Evil Factor: 5. Feeds on human blood, tortures unsuspecting adversaries with her mind, but gets bored easily and tends to abandon her prey at crucial plot turns.

Conclusions: Dark streaks distract otherwise powerful villains from their targets.  If Jane had a proper dye job, with fancy highlights, Bella never would have made it to Breaking Dawn 2.

Blonde Factor: 5. Ash blonde, with a touch of gray.

Evil Factor: 5. Tries to kill Riggs, kidnaps Murtagh's daughter, fights with a lot of people.

Conclusion: A very willing light-blonde top is nothing to mess with (nor is Mr. Joshua's very aggressive gang of kidnappers).  Still, the grey fade and inferior hand-to-hand combat skills bring him down in the end. One suspects that he is not inherently evil, but perhaps brainwashed that way? Maybe one snap of the finger will have him buying Girl Scout Cookies.

Blonde Factor: 6. Golden.

Evil Factor: 5. Tries to steal the Grail, kind of kills a guy. Plus she's a Nazi.

Conclusions: A glossy, well-maintained golden shade indicates intent, but not the ability, to kill.

Blonde Factor: 6. Yellow, dyed.

Evil Factor: 7. Kills a cat, threatens to rape his girlfriend, acts like a princely brat, SPOILER: kills Ned Stark.

Conclusions: As the blonde gets brighter (we're verging on crayon territory here), so does the villain's ability to make cruel and unexpected decisions. Not Ned! How could you?!

Blonde Factor: 7. Golden with major highlights.

Evil Factor: 8. Killed Pai Mei; probably killed a bunch of other people; tries to kill Beatrix Kiddo multiple times.

Conclusions: The white blonde highlights here may actually be functioning as a kill-count. (Is the lack of color consistency what led to Elle's death?)

Blonde Factor: 7. Platinum, tiniest hint of roots.

Evil Factor: 8. Feeds on a lot of humans.

Conclusions: He'd be a 10, but blaming vampires for eating is like blaming Superman for flying. And David's roots are peeking through. Perhaps in his pre-undead days he was a boy scout?

Blonde Factor: 8. Almost-white Blonde.

Evil Factor: 8. Sweeps the leg, acts like a butthead.

Conclusions: Okay, so no one died, but Johnny is still clearly a very dangerous automaton who will follow whatever orders are given to him. What if some super-blonde villain is building a blonde army? Here is your first soldier.

Blonde Factor: 9. White Blond.

Evil Factor: 8. Sides with Voldemort, snitches on Harry a bunch, tries to kill Dumblerdore.

Conclusion: Though he does chicken out at the end, Malfoy is still basically a willing servant for the purest form of evil that exists in the wizard world. If Voldemort is ever resurrected (don't do it, J.K. Rowling), it's through this guy. 

Blonde Factor: 9.5. Straight platinum.

Evil Factor: 9. Kills a boatload of people, plots to destroy Silicon Alley and also blow up the San Andreas fault, is a Nazi-made mutant.

Conclusions: Murdering Nazi terrorist? That's the evil hat trick. Just goes to show: Almost all blonde, basically all bad.  

Blonde Factor: 10. Albino.

Evil Factor: 10. Kills a lot of important Priory of Sion types, almost destroys the Holy Grail, the Feminine Mystique, and all sources of human wonder.

Conclusions: Imagine if Silas actually succeeded in his misguided plot to destroy the Grail: What hope would be left for humanity? And what would people do on their trips to Paris? Ruining people's honeymoon sightseeing is the most nefarious act of all.

Blonde Factor: 7. Ash blonde.

Likely Evil Factor, based on very scientific findings: 8. Very committed shade of blonde, also a Bond villain.

Conclusions: If he turns out to have a bowl cut under that hat, you'd better run.