Aggressive, unflattering, just kind of silly — we are speaking, of course, of Justin Bieber’s drop-crotch pants and not his recent birthday-week behavior in London. Bieber has been on a fashion roll the last few months, wearing only the lowest-hanging, strangest-looking pants that menswear has to offer. Because Justin Bieber is a sensible, swaggy teen, and because he would never do something just because he thinks it looks cool, Vulture assumes that Justin has a reason for such radical sartorial choices. And then it came to us: storage. Justin Bieber is hiding so much cool stuff in those pants. DVDs, snacks — you name it, he’s got it.
Where: The American Music Awards
What Justin Is Hiding in His Pants: The Yellow Hat that matches his shoes, Gushers. (Awards shows are long. You need snacks.)
Where: London
What Justin Is Hiding in His Pants: A U.S.-to-U.K. power adapter; London Tube map tote bag; Pimm’s.
Where: The Philadelphia Jingle Ball
What Justin Is Hiding in His Pants: Patrick Carney’s drumsticks; the shirt his mother made him wear out of the house so he’d look like a respectable boy.
Where: Mexico City
What Justin Is Hiding in His Pants: Fondue set; glove fingertips + the scissors he used to cut them.
Where: Los Angeles
What Justin Is Hiding in His Pants: A pre-solved Rubik’s Cube so he can swap it out when his bodyguard isn’t looking and seem incredibly smart.
Where: Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show
What Justin Is Hiding in His Pants: Condoms. A lifetime’s supply of condoms.
Where: The Atlanta Jingle Ball
What Justin Is Hiding in His Pants: A Bonnie and Clyde DVD; Pauline Kael’s I Lost It at the Movies.
Where: The Miami Jingle Ball
What Justin Is Hiding in His Pants: An axe, flapjacks, a fake lumberjack beard.
Where: London
What Justin Is Hiding in His Pants: Shirt, self-respect.
